Alice woke up to a large marching band playing in her head, she looked at the television hoping it was on, but realized that the consequences of eleven tequila shots and a bag of weed was the chorus of “Be Good Johnny” by The Randies screaming at piercing levels in her head.

She rolled slowly off the couch to the kitchen, where she saw a thermal mug and a note:

Alice,

I figured you might need this, and don’t make any plans for tonight we’re going out.

P.S. Don’t worry it’s Planet coffee, I tried to fix some, but I couldn’t do that to you.

Shane

Alice chuckled to herself, she did have a lot of fun last night. They watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith and got into a debate about Angelina Jolie’s hotness. Shane couldn’t understand why Alice couldn’t decide between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt,

****

“Because they are equal levels of hot, I couldn’t choose, there would be no way of coming to an accurate decision, unless I met them.” Alice smiled as Shane shook her head wanting her to make a decision,

“So if they both walked up to you and said ‘Alice you can sleep with only one of us’ which one would you choose?…you’re telling me you wouldn’t go for Jolie right off the bat?”
Alice grinned big,

“No…and I think this is just a trap to classify me as a lesbian,” Shane laughed hysterically, partially due the high she was on.

“No, no it’s seriously not, I’m just saying man…Jolie, look at her, how could you say no?” Alice smirked leaning to look Shane in the eye,

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t fuck her Shane, I just said don’t make me choose.”

****

Alice sipped her coffee, reading the latest installment of her very own column: “Half a Page of Pieszecki.”

“Options” the new national LGBT magazine featured everything from dyke fashion, to movies and sports. Alice’s column was actually becoming extremely popular since it was so different from week to week. She sighed as she flipped through the pages, wishing she had something better to do, she stared at the cover finally giving in and turning on the TV.

As Alice turned from channel to channel her heart almost popped out of her chest, there she was…

?”And in the world of women’s pro tennis, veteran, Dana Fairbanks has been scheduled to play rookie, Crystal Depams very early in next season, only three weeks in, what are your thoughts Chuck?” A very thin and balding man, leaned back in his chair twirling a pen between his fingers an uppity look crossed his features,

“I think that Depams will wipe the floor with Fairbanks,” the other announcer interrupted.

“Come on now, wipe the floor with her? Where were you this season Chuck? Fairbanks only lost three matches last season, two of the three to Victoria Mar, her new doubles partner.” Clips of Victoria flashed across the screen and Alice’s eyebrows lifted,

“Wow, she’s hot.” The black haired tennis player egged Dana on during one clip

“Look Jason, Fairbanks’ record was great last season, but her intensity as of late is nonexistent, I mean, she has been in the game a while now, and although she is ranked third in the country, it’s still hard to beat a pair of fresh legs.” Jason rolled his eyes along with Alice, the sleazy innuendo not lost on either of them.

Alice turned off the television before Chuck could explain the reasons next season should be Dana’s last.

****

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? No intensity? What does that mean?” Dana sat in the bar with Victoria who sipped on a Pepsi after shoving a hot wing in her mouth.

“I guess he means that it doesn’t look like your heart is in it, is all.” Victoria looked at a very distraught Dana, who ran her fingers through her hair.

“Since when do we care about fucking Chuck Hill anyway?” Victoria always referred to them as ‘we’ when talking about tennis, her philosophy was ‘think as one play as one’.

Dana sighed and picked up a hot wing, realizing Victoria was right.

“Well, you wouldn’t give a fuck what he says…I find it funny that he mentioned the two losses to you but didn’t mention the four wins I had against you.” Victoria chuckled,

“I also liked that clip of me taunting you in 04′… You remember that?” Dana looked distant trying to remember details,

“Yeah I do…It was in Amsterdam, I was up one set and you started trash talking me after every dead ball. After I wiped the floor with you I threw my racquet at you and called you a useless cocky bitch.” Victoria nodded and laughed hard, continuing the story,

“Then I saw you that afternoon at the hotel bar, you were checking out the female bartender and I knew we had something in common, but after you went crazy on the court I thought I’d approach it with some…” Dana interrupted,

“Tact?” Victoria smirked,

“Subtle grace,” Dana scoffed hard.

“Please, you walked up to me and said ‘So, lesbian tennis player, that’s original.’” Victoria nodded and laughed,

“Yeah well, I don’t think it was very ‘tactful’ of you to not speak to me after I made an effort.” Guilt passed over Dana’s features, as she thought about the way she’d acted before she came out. Victoria rubbed her back quickly,

“Hey, it was just a joke…I understand what it’s like…I mean not exactly, since I wasn’t a cold and heartless bitch before I came out but, ya know whatever.” Dana smiled and rolled her eyes, glancing to a woman sitting in front of her reading a magazine,

Dana tilted her head and caught a glimpse of a picture that looked suspiciously like Alice. She frowned, looking harder at the title: “A Half Page of Pieszecki,” Dana’s eyes went wide as she hopped off of her bar stool approaching the woman with the magazine.

“Um…excuse me mam’?” The woman looked at her and smiled, shoving her left hand in Dana’s face.

“I’m sorry I’m taken…Her name is Julie and she’s…” Dana’s face registered temporary horror as she tried to correct the woman,

“No…ummmm…actually, I was wondering if I could see that magazine real quick.” The woman blushed embarrassed jutting the magazine in front of her own face to hide, Dana mumbled a polite ‘thanks’ then began reading the article “Nipple Confidence” frantically. Reading and re-reading the article she looked for any comment about Alice’s personal life, she found only one sentence…”

“…but if your anything like me, you’ll find the club scene old, preferring to sit at home with a beer, a broad, and a good movie.” Dana stared at the picture until Victoria walked up behind her, peering over her shoulder at the columnist picture of Alice.

“Wow! She’s hot.” Dana lifted her head and shut the magazine, quickly handing it to the woman she’d borrowed it from and walking back to her stool. Victoria rocked on her heels in front of Dana, realizing that bringing up this chicky meant bringing up last night. Dana sighed slowly breaking the silence,

“What am I going to do Vic?” Victoria had heard bits of the story over the last two months but lacked the full version.

“I don’t know D, you haven’t even really told me what happened.” Dana looked frustrated as she opened her purse quickly, placing enough money for both of their meals and a hearty tip on the table.

“I can’t do this right now…I just need to think and…I’ll call you,” Dana walked out of the bar leaving her standing, drink in hand. Victoria waited a moment letting the conversation sink in then realized,

“Hey, wait a minute, you drove me here…shit!”