“What are you doing?” Shane protests and tries to stop her mother.

“Honey,” the woman gently takes Shane’s hand from the mask and kisses it, and places the oxygen mask on the side again.  “I just want to tell you that I’m so happy I had the chance to see the wonderful person you’ve become.  I…” she stops to take a breath, “I know you are a human being full of flaws and you made lots of mistakes but ..” she breathes again “I also know you’ve got a big heart, a big heart that can’t overflow completely because of your fears.”  She now coughs.

“Mom, really you don’t need to say all these things.  What you need now is your mask, please just let me…”

“Wait,” she puts her hand across her own face.  “Do you know what the only thing that’s stopping you from being happy?  You know what you need?

Shane looks at her questioningly.

“You need to forgive yourself, honey… forgive yourself as you were able to forgive me.”  She holds both hands of her daughter, “If a person like me had the opportunity to be forgiven, don’t you think you can be forgiven, too?” 

Shane looks at her and smiles.

The woman strokes Shane’s face “I love you baby” she says letting her tears flow.

“I love you, too.”  Shane leans in to kiss her mother’s forehead and hugs her.  Thirty minutes later, the woman is sleeping with Shane by her side looking at her, taking care of her.  Suddenly the heart monitor starts beeping.  Shane jumps from her seat and runs to the door.

“HELP, WE NEED A DOCTOR PLEASE.”

In seconds the room that moments ago was peaceful and quiet, now is full of doctors and nurses trying to revive her mother.  She watches helplessly through the glass window as her mother is receiving injections, and the doctors charge the paddles and shock her heart again and again.

“No, please I can’t lose you again.”  She whispers among tears.

Finally she watches as her worst fear comes true: The doctors stop their actions.  She pushes the door open “WHAT’S GOING ON?  WHY DID YOU STOP?”

“I’m sorry Miss McCutcheon, there’s nothing else we can do… She’s gone.”

“NO, DON’T SAY THAT!”  She kneels next to her mother and takes her by the arms “MOM, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME AGAIN.  I NEED YOU MOM, MOOOOM!!!!”  She hugs the body of her now dead mother.

“Oh my God, Shane,” Alice enters the room.  Her eyes immediately fill with tears as she feels a horrible deja vu develop in front of her.  She slowly kneels next to her friend.

“I lost her, Alice.  I lost her forever.”  Shane hugs her.  Both friends cry out loud in each other’s shoulders.

***********

Shane cries silently in her bed, holding her pillow; she can’t help the bad memories from invading her mind right now.  It’s been a week since she last talked to Carmen in her office.  That same day she packed her bag and returned to Los Angeles.  She didn’t say a word to her friends.  She didn’t need to because it was pretty obvious what had happened.  Since that day, she’s barely left her room.  She stays there all the time thinking and crying.

“Shane?”  Alice slowly opens the door and enters the room.  She has a bowl of hot soup in her hands.  “Jenny told me you haven’t eaten today.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I know you’re not, but you need to eat to be okay Shane.  I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.  We need you here Shane… I need you… please?”  Alice begs.

Shane looks at her with compassion.  “Ok, I’m gonna eat it.  Just leave it there.  Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome… Now I leave you alone.  I trust you.  See ya later.”  She closes the door.

Shane sits up and takes the bowl from the nightstand.  She takes the spoon and stirs her soup as softly one name escapes her lips.  “Carmen…”