“Have you seen her?”  Shane asks again.

“I…”  Helena scratches her head in exasperation.  “I promised not to say anything to anyone ok?  Don’t make me do this.”  

Shane stands up and walks towards Helena leaning her body into the chair, looking straight into Helena’s eyes “Helena please, I need to know this…  Have you seen her?”

Helena feels trapped.  “Shane I…” she hesitates, “no I haven’t seen her, but…”

Shane stares at her expectantly, “But?”

Not able to hold back anymore Helena gives in “I’ve talked to her …on the phone…once”

“Yes,” Shane whispers with her eyes closed, straightening up and releasing the pressure in her chest.

Helena just remains in her seat waiting for Shane to absorb the information.

“Is she… ok?” Shane finally asks turning her back to Helena trying to hide her emotions.

“Yes, she’s fine.  She’s working in New York.” Helena confirms

“Do you know where?” Shane turns facing Helena again.

Helena protests, “Please, Shane don’t.  She’s doing fine, she’s working, she’s happy…just…let her be ok?  She’s started over, moved on and I think you should do the same.”

“Don’t ask me to do that.  You don’t understand.  I have to see her, I have to fix it, I have to explain.”

“Fix what, Shane?!  If you…” Helena stops just in time not wanting to bring up the past.  “Just accept the fact that she’s ok now and ….”

“I love her,” Shane admits abruptly surprising Helena.  “… I still love her, and I know I was the one who screwed it up ok?  That’s why I need to talk to her, to face her and let her know that I’m sorry that I was stupid.  She deserves to know why I did it.  I just want to stop being a coward.”  She runs her hands down her face.  “You know?  This thing with my mother has made me rethink my life.  I was so mistaken and lost, and I did horrible things… I can’t take them back, but what I can do is be honest with her and open myself up to her and spill it all.  If after that she doesn’t want to see me again…I’ll understand…but I have to try.  I have to do it Helena, I have to check if there’s still a tomorrow for us… please.”

Helena looks at her and saw the honesty in her eyes.  She turns towards her desk and starts writing something on a piece of paper.  “Look, I don’t know exactly where she is, I just know she’s deejaying in this new gay club in New York.”  She hands the paper to Shane “this is the name.”  She pauses for a second, “I’m sorry but this is all I got.”

 “Thank you Helena, thank you.” Shane takes the paper.  “…You don’t know how much this mean to me,” her voice cracks.

“Please …be careful ok?  I really appreciate both of you, and I don’t want to see either of you hurting…just…be careful.”

“I will… Thank you” Shane hugs Helena really tight.  “Thank you very much.”

“Good luck.”

With that, Shane leaves the office and her heart is full of hope …and fear.  She tries to put only positive thoughts in her mind.  The only thing she’s sure of now is that she’s going to find Carmen.  No matter how long it takes she has to see her and explain to her everything.  This time she won’t hide anything.  She knows there’s a huge possibility that Carmen might hate her now but she’s willing to take the risk, to take that pain…for love.