Oh there’s Shane. I thought she went home. Last night after putting Alice to bed, bless her heart, she passed out on the living room couch. I don’t know how, that thing she so ***** uncomfortable.

“Hey Shane”

She grunts. As a morning greeting, she grunts. Okay, good to know, Shane, not a morning person.

“Well it’s about time Porter.” Alice says pretending to check her watch. “I’ve been sitting here forever.”

“Please, do you have somewhere important to be?”

“As a matter of fact, I do have a life outside of these walls and your twisted family.” I can’t do anything but raise my eyebrows at this response

“Like what?” I ask. But in a playful tone. Sometimes its fun to get Al all flustered and hopefully quiet.

“Not the point.” Good one Al.

“Let’s talk about more important things.” Oh ***** here it comes. So what up with you and the hot neighbor, she a good kisser?? Blah, blah, blah. I should be used to Alice barrage of questions. It’s just, it’s too early and I haven’t had any coffee.

“So…. Did you hear what’s going on next door?” I breathe a huge sigh of relief. Good it’s not about me. But I think I sighed too deeply. Because Alice is eyeing me. Which means from now on in this conversation, she’s going to be analyzing every word, hand gesture, and muscle twitch that I make.

“I don’t know Al. That’s really not for us to be hearing.”

“I don’t know but it seems that the honeymoon is over.”

“You heard her Al. It’s not our business.” Shane says as she strolls in, a little more coherent with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Yes,” I continue “Whatever’s going on over there sounds pretty intense. And I’m sure once it’s over. They’ll both be embarrassed that the whole neighborhood heard them.”

“I agree, let’s just drop it.”

“Yeah but.. You guys aren’t a even a little curious to know…..”

“Alice” Shane and I both say. Sometimes that all you need to have her change subjects.

“I’m getting coffee” I say. I reallly need it right now. If Alice is being this intense about what she thinks is going on next door, then when her spotlight shines on me, it may just burn me to a crisp.