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    Uncharted Territory

    ‘I’m equally pissed at myself that I let it happen. That… that… woman…’ I spit the words out in utter derision, my mouth dryer than a sandbox in summer. The ground wavering beneath me. ‘..the last thing I needed was another reminder of how I almost lost you, just when we were doing better. We finally started doing fine Tina.’

    ‘I’ve made mistakes… terrible…awful mistakes.’  Raising herself up she swallows, searching my face. ‘I’ve done things, things I’m not proud to admit… made decisions I wish, I wish so badly I could take back. I’m not perfect.. fuck, I’m everything but that.. You can drag me through Paris for days with your… your ridiculous stamina, but I won’t give up. I will…‘

    ‘..You won’t. You will just stop.’ Worn out I drop myself down on a bench, pressing my hands against my throbbing head. ‘And you won’t resign, I don’t want that night to take away more than it already did.’

    She crouches down in front of me and places her hands on my knees. ‘Is it that bad… your headache?’

    ‘It is.’

    ‘I’m sorry for putting you through this again.‘ Her hand goes up to my face, but lingers between us before she drops it and shakes her head almost unnoticeably. ‘Will you please let me take you to your place? My purse is on the dining room table… your pills are in it.’

     

    Tina’s POV

    ‘Do you need anything else?’ I take over the glass of water and place it on the nightstand. When she shakes no and buries her head deep in the pillow I walk over to the bathroom. My hands tremble holding a washing cloth under the cold stream that slows down the throbbing of my veins. I need to wash my hair. Maybe later, when she sleeps. And then I’ll just borrow one of her shirts and maybe also a pair of sweat pants. There was no need to tell her that the bin paid for the encounter in my office nor that I went home immediately afterwards and stood under the shower for what seemed for hours, trying to wash away the everlasting shame and guilt, so I could stand in front of her again. What would that prove other than being a cheater with a weak stomach for betrayal? Wringing out the washing cloth I walk back into her bedroom. ‘Does this feel better?’ I ask dabbing her forehead.

    She presses my hand down with a sigh and looks at me with drowsy eyes. ‘Please stay.. ’

    ‘I’m not going anywhere, I promise.’ I reply pulling a chair next to the bed. ‘Try to sleep.’

    I watch her as her eyes close and think about another room, another time. It was a few months after we got married, just after harvest season, the vines had lost their grapes and their leaves turned golden, the medieval city of Saint Emilion located at the crossroads of Bordeaux, Saintonge and Périgord was bathing in a watery autumn sun. Still being in the idyll of our honeymoon phase we spent our days tasting world famous wines, discovering the hidden gems of the region and making love. One cloudy afternoon, after another one of those delicious, lazy love making session, the lights were off and I just watched her sleep. I kept thinking that now we’re married I had the opportunity to enjoy that moment over and over again. She looked so peaceful, and it reminded me of the responsibility I had to protect her, always.

    My shoulders shake and I cover my mouth in order not to disturb her so my tears, that I’ve been holding back whole day, way longer perhaps, can run in silence.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Comments

    1. I am happy with the many posts!

      Just when you think you’ve found the way up, this happens, the woman you cheated with and thought you left behind is suddenly in your office, demanding an explanation as to why you left her abruptly.

      Tina in all honesty did the right thing and told Bette about this unexpected encounter. And I can totally understand Bette’s reaction. You can forgive someone but forgetting is another story, as much as you want to put it away until it is crushed to dust, it will stay with you and eventually wear out but that will take a long time. Tina knows that trust has been deeply damaged and has to prove herself again. What’s good is that Tina went after Bette, that she knows and understands what her cheating did to Bette.

      One step forward, two steps back, but in the end they will come out stronger!

      I really love your descriptions in detail, as if I were seeing the journey or environment myself!

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