Carmen seemed different.

“What are you reading?”, Shane asked.

“A poem by Samuel Taylor Coleridge…”, Carmen replied, softly, her eyes wandering, “…It’s called ‘Fears In Solitude’…”.

Shane nodded slowly, then glanced up at her again.

“Sounds good. Is it?”.

Carmen smiled and Shane realized that her smile was beautiful. Blinding. The whiteness and perfection of her teeth made her grin herself.

“It’s more than good. It’s beautiful and touching”.

“What does it say?”, Shane asked quietly, and Carmen turned to her for a brief instant. Then, she stared at the horizon.

“Well, there’s a part that I love so much… It says… ‘And from the sun, and from the breezy air, sweet influences trembled o’er his frame. And he, with many feelings, many thoughts, made up a meditative joy, and found religious meanings in the forms of Nature…”, Carmen stayed quiet for a while, thoughtfully. She wasn’t trying to remember something she already knew by heart. She was just savoring it, and sharing it with someone else. It didn’t happen often, to her.

“…And so, his senses gradually wrapped in a half sleep, he dreams of better worlds, and dreaming hears thee still, o singing lark, that singest like an angel in the clouds’…”.

Shane swallowed and licked her lips.

“You were right. It’s beautiful”, she murmured, looking down at her own shoes.

Carmen rubbed her palms over her arms, shaking.

“Yeah…”, she breathed out.

“Are you cold?”, Shane asked.

Carmen just shrugged shyly in response.

Shane unzipped her jacket, pulled it off and gently rested it over Carmen’s shoulders. Carmen stared at her, dumbfounded.

“No… No, you don’t have to. Keep it, you –“.

“It’s okay…”, Shane said softly, “…It’s my fault if you’re up here in the cold. Please”.

Carmen didn’t reply, she just snuggled into the lapel of the jacket and half of her face disappeared behind the black leather. Shane beamed, and this time her smile reached much more than her eyes. It reached her heart. For the very first time since what had happened with Jenny, Shane felt like she had done something right for someone.

It was something very small and trivial, but it was right and it made her feel good. Definitely good.

She sighed and turned back to the horizon, just enjoying the company of her silent, shy partner. Carrie was forgotten, and an aura of innocence enveloped them, and Shane felt it like a wonderful gift to the emptiness of her life.

A beautiful lie. A way like another to pretend, for a moment, that she wasn’t the fuckup that everybody knew.

”…So go on and scream, scream at me,
I’m so far away.
I won’t be broken again.
I’ve got to breathe,
I can’t keep going under”*

TBC

***
* “Going Under” (Evanescence)