That must add up

Well not literally obviously

I seeBette what I feel will be most effective for youmost positiveis a break from any form of physical ways to get our feelings outto feel in control again. I know you have been through a lotand unfortunately those traumatic experiences have been very violent (at this Bette closes her eyes…only briefly but it is not lost to Leila, the Therapist) and I think that we need to help you help yourself in a non-violent manner-

But-

-I dont mean what your doing is violentbut it is physical and I think what would be more positive for you is a non-physical way of coping.

How on earth does one do that?

Many ways…but the most effective I believe will work with you Bette is a sense-oriented one. When you are in that dark place Betteand you want outopen you eyes and pick an object outrepeat in your mind what you notice about itis round does it have colorthen close your eyes and listendo you hear cars talking silence?…how does that soundbetween each thought count to ten slowly.breath peace in and breathe out the dark places youve been out

(Bette caught herself inadvertly doing the exercise while Leila was going through the instruction)

OkI do thatand its supposed to take away the feeling?

No it doesnt take them away Betteit can help to tone down the intensity in a non-physical wayand I think non-physical is importantthe feeling themselves we deal togetheryou will actuallyone by one until you are the controller not them

Right

Ok…well our thirty minutes is up…now I want you to know the first session is the only session where I talk this muchwe are here for you Bette..and in the later sessions, if you want them, will be you working through things at your speedin this room Bette you are the controller of what and how much you want to talk aboutI want to make that clear

Okokummmcan I have another session please?

Of courseummm… (looking in her notebook)how about in three days…this coming Saturday at 3 in the afternoon?

Thats great actually…well (standing up) it was great to meet you

And you Bette (shaking hands)dont forget the exercise…

Right

After leaving Bette thought about her first session of THERAPY. Leila was formalBette liked thatif she was all hokey and bullshitty Bette wouldve walked right out…all the cards on the tablethough she didnt like the notion of talking all that much Bette looked forward to her next session. Bette liked her styledistant but personable. Ok right coping skillsBette scoffed a littleGawd everything felt fucked up. After that horrible failed attempt at making love Bette and Tina hardly touched each otherTina was afraid Bette would go crazy again and Bette was afraid that Tina would leave.and so it went. Until Bette went over to Tina who was sitting on the couch reading a book and sat beside hershe took off Ts glasses kissed her and saidBaby I think I need therapyboth laughed and a huge weight lifted. Tina was all excited and in her excited baked a huge cakeunable to eat it all they invited the gang over to eat it. Laughing to herself Bette got into the elevatorit started to go down.
The ride was only two minutes but for Bette it was an eternity. Claustrophobia filled her lungs until Bette felt the old feelings arise again. daddy was choking her he had her deep deep down in an icebox in the ground in the dirt she couldnt get out he was hurting her hurting herBette covered her with her hands and trembled..her entire body hard as a rockit was the doors opening that snapped reality to Bette she left but looked over her shoulderscared.
What stopped Bette on her way out of the building was a reproduction of a Picasso painting. She looked at itshe went closershe closed her eyeswhat did she hear?…the hum of cars the rustling of the trees outside the open doorsthe click clack of a womans heelsshe opened her eyeswhat could she see?….she saw blueshe saw the weight of age on a mans sad faceshe saw wizened experienced handsshe saw an upright guitarblue clothesexquisite brush linesshe saw pain but deep deep deep love in those brushstrokesshe saw a blue period Picasso painting.Bette leaned forward her cheek on the reproductionleaning she felt a tear escape and run down the wall..

.for Bette there was hardly anything so beautiful as this.