"You are afraid that you are entombed, but you do not want to wake her up so that you wouldn’t feel that way?" Dr. Morga paused thoughtfully. "What do you mean when you said, she should be awake too?"

Bette fidgeted. "I’m not proud of my thoughts. Like I said, they’re crazy." Bette chuckled painfully. "But often times, especially in the past weeks, I’ve wished," she stopped and looked up at the psychologist. She noticed the cowlick at the top of the other woman’s head. She sighed. "Okay, I’ve wished that she could read my mind. And that I could read hers. Weird, right? Crazy."

"If she could read your mind, Bette, what would she see?"

"She would see that I’m lonely." Bette murmured softly. "She would see that I wish she spent more time with me. She would see that I hate this distance between us. There never was one before."

"And if you could read her mind, what would you see?"

"I’d see that she’s disappointed." Bette sighed deeply. "When we first got together, I promised myself that I would try hard to be a better person. With her. She deserves someone who doesn’t freak out, who isn’t filled with insecurities. She deserves someone who doesn’t half wish to be alone."

"Think about it Bette, do you really think that’s what you’d see?"

"I don’t know. Maybe? I’m afraid to find out."

The session had ended with a light visualization exercise that served to pull Bette back from her dark thoughts and into the present. Bette reflected that Dr. Morga may seem odd, but that she really knew her stuff.

Bette looked at the wallpaper of her phone again. A small seed of doubt threatened to sprout. Maybe, just maybe, Tina wasn’t disappointed. Maybe Tina really doesn’t mind sharing her home and her life with me.

With a grim smile, Bette started a new text message.

Candace, it’s not a good idea to call me after all. I don’t want to have coffee with you or dinner. Tina and I don’t think I should meet you anymore. Good luck with your life. Goodbye. Please don’t come around the CAC anymore.

Bette sent the message, feeling both lighter and heavier. Lighter, because Candace disappearing would simplify things so much, and heavier, because she knew that the work of settling her problems with Tina had only just begun.

She wondered what Tina’s schedule for the day was. She decided that if Tina was free, she would call in sick to work and spend the day reconnecting with her lover. She wondered if they could talk, finally talk about Candace, their fears, everything.

It’s time Bette. Time to be the better person you’ve always wished you were. She looked again at the snapshot that told her how Tina saw her. Yes, it’s definitely time.

TBC