“…” she stops before she even breathes and shrugs her shoulders, fuck when I was fourteen I never shut up. Was she the same way?

“Let’s go then, we still have to get food and stuff for her room.” she has that nervous squeak in her voice and I…I love it.

“Yeah are you okay with that? I mean we have to pick up some groceries and stuff…plus Shane thought it would be better if you picked out the furniture and everything for your room.” my stomach in knots, my pulse racing pausing every so often.

She stares at some spot on the floor and all I can think of is that maybe I should’ve mopped. Fuck I have no idea why the hell we did this, just that when we went to the house…. The way she squeezed my hand as we walked up the pathway, thoughts of her staying there when she was younger. How she didn’t speak, she just watched everything like at any minute she would be back here sleeping on the floor. The back porch covered in sleeping bags, the kitchen nothing more than a long beaten old table. We had to help him, as soon as I saw that look of fear of pain and sadness that flashed through her eyes before they became steel.

She shrugs her shoulders, shifting back and forth on her feet. Fuck it’s like Shane all over again, only this time she fourteen.

“Let’s go,” her hands sweaty and she pulls me towards the door.

She watches us with unblinking eyes, and follows slowly her hands in her pockets. Fuck me this is going to be one long day.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Concentrating on the road trying to shakes this feeling of déjà vu from my head. The radio blaring and I can’t stop staring at her how she drums her hands in time with the song. The way her fingers move shit…there’s a kid in the fucking car. You can’t stop in some parking lot just to fuck her…well not anymore.

“Uhm do you want to eat first Alexis?” I have no fucking clue what to say to her, who the fuck ever thought I would be able to raise a kid?

“I already ate,” she sits in the back watching the street looking for places to run…I use to do that. “And it’s Alex.”

“Good to know…so where do you want to go Alex?” it’s faint almost impossible to hear, but I know she says it. We all did.

“Let’s go to get her furniture first since that’s what she really needs.” she’s nervous that’s why she won’t stop moving around, it so fucking cute.

“Ok…” we drive in silence listening only to the radio, fuck I have no fucking clue.

With Shay I just hung out with him, made sure he ate that he didn’t kill himself or do anything too dangerous. Abby was easy she just wanted to hang out all the time. They didn’t have to go through the shit that she had to, the questioning eyes that didn’t really want an answer. Well not the truth…never the fuckin truth.

We pull into some store I don’t know I just saw the word furniture…they better fucking sell furniture.

“So you can… can get what ever you want. Just nothing too expensive,” her hand moving along my back and my head fills with the smell of her perfume.

“Why are you guys doing this?” I don’t really know.

TBC