Part 5-


Ms. Porter you can go in now, the doctor is ready to see you, the overly bubbly receptionist informed Bette.

Taking a long deep breath, Bette closed her eyes momentarily and silently prepared for the first of many long sessions. She was finally going to really try and not run away anymore. But, it didnt mean she was not absolutely dreading the whole thing.

Its now or never; and if you really love Tina and expect her to even consider the possibility of taking you back. Then, you have to proof to her that not only are changing for the better, but you took the necessary steps to recognize you have some major-league problems that need dealing with. Relax you thought this through; youve made a list to talk with the doctor about. Its time to start to grow-up. Geez, I really am a perpetual two-year old. Thats it, just put one foot in front of the other, Bette reminded herself as she finally got up and walked towards the door, she was about to enter and held the person she was sure shed be seeing a lot of for the rest of her life.

**Bette had spent the rest of the morning after the board meeting working. But, not with CAC business, no she had something all the more important to work on. Herself. It amazed her when the realization of what had to be done, had hit her like a ton of bricks. Shed been having another of her sleepless nights. As always thinking about Tina, missing Tina, replaying the events and that horrible night over and over again in her head. Then, it dawned on her at a quarter till 3 am. It was her affair that had broken the camels back. It had been longing building. For over 3 years, her Tina had been growing further and further apart. She could recall why it started. When it started. It was the how it continued to spiral out of control, that had her befuddled. This early morning, still dark, hour became an epiphany for Bette.

Starting closer to the end and working backwards to where it all had really begun to die.

Bette remembered how she reacted to finding out about Tina contracting Candace to work at the Center. That her argument had no grounds and the way she reacted was totally childish. In her usual fashion, she just threw a temper tantrum and when she was getting her way, she simply stalked off and waited for Tina to come out and apologize and make everything all better. Tina never did and several hours later she was awaken by Tina slamming around in the kitchen, the sun flowing through the bay windows, and knowing she did not get more than 2 hours, tops, of sleep that night.

There was the night they lost their son; she had been late yet again. Leaving Tina to hear the bad news by herself and taken her own self home. Bette was nortious for never being on time and being early was laughable. Bette could never make it anywhere until way late and her impeccable timing always brought her in at precisely the right time. That time being just as the conversation about how Bette was always late would start to die down. She never knew it. But, in this moment she began to suspect it. Not that she blamed Tina or her friends. However, why did they put up with it and not tell her.

Oh, yeah! My huge stubborn ego that gets hurt way too easily, Bette remarked as she suddenly started to recall another incident.

The whole trying to procure the Provocations exhibit. That was one for all history. Franklin and the rest of the board had said no and just go for a 6th spring showing of The Impressions in winter. That had done it, but when Franklin so brazenly reminded her of his authority. Stating that she should follow-up with Sheldon Tomilon and then that was when it donned on her that her power was being walked all-over. Asking Franklin what he meant by follow-up, he might as well have kicked in her ribs while she was on the ground trying to figure out what just hit her. Apparently, Franklin superceded her altogether and already booked Impressions. That knowledge made her absolutely sick to her stomach. Another man dared to violate her and her authority (real or imagined). She went and done something so stupid. She called Shelly immediately after the board meeting and canceled Impressions in winter. Without having Provocations securely scheduled as the CACs spring exhibit and unable to trust a woman who was the curator of the Peggy Peabody Collection; the same woman that had competed with her to get an up-n-coming artist, a sculptor, for a show at their individual galleries. She knew that Gina Ferra had every right to distrust her and want revenge. Gina is straight and the artist was a woman and Bette took advantage of the fact that the artist was also a *****. Not very professional and diffintly a Bette thing to do. Thus, jeopardizing not just her position of Museum Director at the CAC, but also threatening her career. How would she take care of Tina and their family? That question shouldve occurred to her before she went left a gapping spring slot with no show. However, it never occurred to her then. Even when Peggy Peabody saved her ***** by giving the Provocations for the CACs spring exhibit; Bette shouldve been thankful and have learned something. But she wasnt, just smug and arrogant as always. Never once did she accept responsibility for her culpable actions that put not just her into harms way, but also Tina and a baby on the way. She just would blame everyone else. Well grown-up then to do.

She had even bragged about it to Melvin. The night he had layed into her and Tina about the family they were starting, when they announced his grandchild was on the way. He was his usual self: full of indignant and out dated ideas and unable to accept that Bette was ***** and in a same-***** marriage with Tina. Tina mustve been about ready to kill Bette by the time they had gotten to the restaurant. By the time, they had pulled out of the hotel parking lot Tina was ready for some Advil and some Xanax. God, the way Melvin would make amends for Bettes existence made her nauseas and she knew what power Melvins praise had on Bette. Her lover turned into a little girl that needed her daddys approval for everything. Damn, Bette had spent $300 dollars on a Channel silk red tie and it was the same pattern (just smaller) then the one he was already wearing. Melvins proximity always, inevitably turned Bette into the ultimate *****. The way she would talk to Tina, telling her what she could and could not wear, being impatient and making her sit in the back seat. Was a gross negligence at the time and down right inexcusable behavior to ever occur again. Somehow it wouldve had Bette not cheated on Tina, because she now realized that Tina bared it all-forgave all-excused all and all she asked was for Bette not to cheat on her. Tina took her marriage vows very seriously. In sickness and in health, in the good times and in the bad times, until death do us part those words meant everything to her. And Bette and went and threw it all away.

Tina had learned a long time ago, that to get Bette hot and aroused was to appease her huge ego. Sometimes soothing it and letting Bette win, even though the woman was wrong. The night she had realized that Marina and Jenny were actually having an affair; sent Bette over the edge. She made way too big of a deal of it, totally missed Tinas sarcasm to show her it was no big deal and it was none of their business. No just that morning The Queen of Monogamy had lectured Alice on the finer points of stable relationships. Never realizing that in a few short months, shed lower self beyond Jennys level. Not just becoming a cheat, but a hypocrite nonetheless.

She sat her breakfast nook in the kitchen and went old school in taking pen to paper to write down her list. And the fore mentioned were just the tip of the iceberg. They seemed to be huge and larger then life, however somehow just below the surface laid a much larger problems then even Bette was allowing herself to see. However, these issues were damn good starting points. Each one of them allowed her to evaluate how shes been acting her entire adult life and to start to make the required improvements needed to start to reconstruct her marriage with Tina. **

Getting comfortable on Doctor Susannah Holmes couch.

So, I see that youve been to see Dan Foxworthy for martial counseling


TBC