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What Exactly is Autonomy? Chapter 3
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“Shh…just let me hold you.”
Tina felt his arms tighten around her, and leaning her body into his side, brought her leg to nestle in between his.
She felt absolutely horrible. How could she…how could she be so selfish, so blind to anyone’s needs but her own? She had wanted Bette so badly when they first met, that she never even thought of the consequences to their relationship when she buried her fears deep within herself. And then, she had been so set on hurting Bette after her affair with Candace, that she didn’t even think about how Helena would be affected by Tina using her to accomplish her goals…which were to once again have someone pursue her physically, and at the same time take revenge upon Bette . And last, she was so determined to have the normal happy family that everyone seems to think she was missing out on by being with a woman, that she didn’t even think about what would happen AFTER she brought a man into her life. All she saw was the soccer moms, and dads like Henry, participating in their children’s lives. The traditional American family was making a comeback…and when Tina’s long ago buried fears started to surface with the birth of Angelica, she longed to be apart of what the media had successfully portrayed as the happy, healthy family. An image that was constantly bombarding them through movies, TV, and magazines.
Family…once again she thought about the differences between what Henry thought comprised a family, and what the lesbians she had known believed to be their family circle. She had to ask herself, what she believed in for herself? Did she really believe as Henry did, and that is why she ultimately decided to leave Bette? Had she allowed societies idea of an ideal family become her own? Or did she truly believe that you could have a happy, healthy family when there are two moms, or two dads involved? Wasn’t it her fear that Angelica would have a harder life because of all her “otherness” that pushed her into Henry’s arms in the first place? Could it be that the fear she had been burying all these years was her own unique form of homophobia?
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That’s right tina, ride it like a pony!! Hey sea, ain’t no shame in your game for writing this, I have no problem with this. Henry needs that reconnection with tina for the last time. I am glad Tina is goin to work on herself, god knows she needs it. I hope when we see Bette she is not pining over tina. looking forward to the next chapter!
One more thing I’m glad you came back to the story, funny thing I was thinking about it today. And lo and behold I see a new chapter.
Seahurst you are right i didn’t like this chapter. It has nothing to do with the writing (which rocks as usual) I’m just so over Tina and Henry. I do like that Tina dumped his sorry ass though…..LOL
okay, at least it’s only one more time and then bye-bye henry…he’s just an innocent victim that got caught up between two lovers…
Well, I can understand Tina, but it’s an utterly stupid move. Make-up sex could make nothing up. BTW, did she use un-protective sex again? In that way, I suggest Bette not take her back if she’s pregnant or something.
If Tina realizes she doesn’t belong with Henry, then why is she risking pregnancy by having unprotected sex? I can’t imagine she went on the pill while she’s still breast feeding Angelica, so why no protection? Are you going to make her preggers or give her a scare for additional drama? Just curious. Liked the chapter, with the exception of this part—the lack of protection, that is.
This story is very well written, and I am enjoying the direction it’s taking. I have an issue with straight sex, personally, but you handled it very tastefully, and for that I thank you. I look forward to seeing where you’re taking this, and I appreciate Tina’s kicking Henry’s ass to the curb and starting to deal with her own issues, as I wish they would let her in the show. Looking forward to the next post!
I understand the need to feel like you are paying for your sins. Tina is feeling those feelings of guilt and she is using sex as away of payment. She has always used sex and has left people’s heart as stepping stones. As strong as everybody felt that the Alpha Bette was she was always the weaker of the two. Tina always had the power to bring Bette to higher or lower level. Tina is the only one who could with one word make Bette the happiest person on the planet or a dried up heap of woman that season 3 portrayed her as. At least now Tina sees this in herself and is coming to the conclusion that she still does care about Bette. Great chapter to a great story hope that you will continue.
even though i dont like the whole hetero sex thing…..this was wonderful ……cant wait for the next chapter……
Sorry, but Tina is full of shit. When she laid there realizing the hurt and pain she has caused so many people, at THAT moment, she should have gotten the hell up and out of there. I don’t give a damn what Henry may have needed at that time. He already said, “lets sleep on it.†I think he thinks that “one more night†may actually bring Tina around. I will be happy when you Sea and other FF writers give Tina a brain. Now, she may end up changing her mind about hurting yet another person – Mickey. I’m sure she’ll run into him the minute she starts to slither out the house.
If nothing else, I’m finally recognizing that Tina’s so fucked up, why would anybody want her. damn
I just hope this won’t have the same consequences as Miranda’s petty fuck with Steve on Sex and The City..
Very interesting. Tina is giving Henry a good bye ride on top, getting it how she wants it, she does have a way of getting what she wants…
I never quite understood break-up sex. I let out a verbal, “What the fuck?!” when Tina said she wanted to show Henry how much he turned her on. It definitely evoked feelings of “ewww!” But I had a good laugh when I thought she was just gonna give him a handjob.
Having decided to leave Henry, Tina procedes to tell him how much she wants him?
Gee, clicked too soon.But my point is Tina never truly goes forward, at best it’s one step forward, one step back. By the way Seahurst, it waa great to meet you.
I liked the chapter. I think it will be interesting if she gets into a discussion with Bette and Bette asks her the last time she had sex with Henry. One last fuck is going to be difficult to explain to the love of you life…but I really hope that she is not pregnant…
Death to Smoochy.
i guess she dint really hear of condoms…sea you really wrote the chapter very tastefully but again henry and tina havin sex made me sick when i saw it on season three and readin it though it was for last time brought tht feelin back…right now i feel why would anyone give a damn abt a selfish bitch like tina…you either have to be blinded by emotions or shit for brains.lol
You’re right, Sea. I wasn’t a big fan of this chapter. It was beautiful writing as always, though. I’m trusting that you know where you’re taking the characters. Look forward to the next installment.
Great wriitng as always…ive no problem with this…Henry got caught in the middle of Tinas so called”Confusion”…ok she sayin goodbye …in her own way!!!she cares for him,…some would have just waved “Byeee”and run for the hills..lol.. but Tinas…well Tinas making sure he remembers her!!!As always love you writting….and even if some wernt comfortable reading this particular chapter….and i understand that too….we all still love the story!..thanks
Well hope this is the last time they see each other and bye henry forever. Ok post soon please, thanks!
Sea – I love your writing and don’t mind the hetero sex but feel about as confused as Tina by her realizing how she hurts others and then her jumping at the chance for one more go with Henry – I have to say I worry that Tina doesn’t have a brain sometimes, she seems so impulsive – what’s that about??
I think Tina is making a huge mistake with the leave him sex but that is Tina….she always has to be remembered. You writing is awesome as usual of course. Thank you for another awesome chapeter by my favorite writer!! I miss you girl…miss talking to you. I hope all is good with you. T
Hey Sea what a story! I think the whole unsafe sex issue is a bit much. I mean this does happen in the real world all the time; regardless if you are in a gay or straight relationship! Tina needs find her self first before she can have any relationship with anyone. :)
oh yuk, T must be bi-!!!Cuz that wuld just repulse me not turn me on…..but at least she’s gonna sort her shyt out and stop tormenting Bette and evry other poor bastard in her life who falls for her!!!!!
I very much like you’re writing, you’re description of Tina is just the way I think about her. Selfish and egoïstic. I mean, this Tina does not deserve Bette.
I love your writing but I hope that the unsafe sex between Tina and Henry was just a oversight. Tina wouldn’t be that stupid to have unsafe sex again with someone she knew for all of two months even with someone who is such a “good man” like Henry. Your Tina and the show’s Tina have a way of getting what she wants when she wants. I don’t believe she doing this for purely altruistic reasons. I hope to read more of this story because you write so well and it is rare to find a story with main pov being Tina in all her fucked-up glory.
I can’t believe that the writer who blushed for weeks it would have seemed, at the time of posting her first NC17 chapter… how many chapters had you already written without descriptive sex?… now you’re giving us … well this? ~~~ guess you’ve stretched yourself as a writer. ;) Good for you. Even if I’d prefer to NOT see the “p” word in my fav stories. ~~~ Make-up, break-up sex does happen, even if it is a terribly cruel and even stupid thing to do. ~~~ As for the condom issue… why would she start using it now. This is totally unplanned sex, she’s been having unprotected sex with him for a while now, is one more time any less stupid? I think this is just another example of Tina’s disregard for the consequences of her actions. One assumes we will read someI can’t believe that the writer who blushed for weeks, it seemed at the time of posting her first NC17 chapter – how many chapters had you already written without descriptive sex? – now you’re giving us … well this? ~~~ Guess you’ve stretched yourself as a writer. ;) Bravo! Good for you! Even if I’d prefer to NOT see the “p” word in my fav stories. I’m interested in what you’re saying in this chapter. ~~~ Make-up, break-up sex does happen, even if it is a terribly cruel and even stupid thing to do. You made me believe that, Tina in her confused and unself-aware state would do this. You made me believe that Henry is not that bad a guy and is really going to end up the injured party here. ~~~ As for the condom issue… why would she start using it now? She’s been having unprotected sex with him for a while now, is one more time any less stupid? I think this is just another example of Tina’s disregard for the consequences of her actions. You have keyed in on one of her main character flaws. One assumes we will read some of the consequences as the story goes on… maybe your romantic self can even redeem her? Het sex… on this site? Uhmmm… and I thought HelBette took courage. ;) of the consequences as the story goes on. Het sex… on this site? Uhmmm… and we thought HelBette took courage. ;)
She should have gotten up an left then. She is a wee bit sick.. Is she going back to bette,she couldn’t scrub enough for me to touch her until she had some test. Bette isn’t stupid,but she loves Tina. I do believe that Tina is a loser thanks
At last! Bye bye to Henry. Luv ur writing Sea.
your writing rocks as usual, but i can’t help but feel a little sick about this new tina!!!!!!!
I think Tina is willing to recognize only so much about herself, and always in hindsight. Well written, of course. Looking forward to the next chapter to see the ramifications.
although a little nauseous… (Is it the pasta) I do love to see the thoughts of Tina… I think finding out something about yourself, finding out you actually ‘hate’who or what you have become, can make you confused and do stupid things…
i can’t believe that i am actually turned on by Tina with a man, you must be a good writer!
This sickening me, I’m sorry especially.if she going back to Bette this is not the way to have UN protected sex with this asshole then I’m assuming going home to reconnect with Bette eww shame on.you Tina