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WHAT HAVE I DONE?
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She stood up and opened the mini bar, grabbing the first small bottle that she found and twisting the cap off to take a big gulp of the light brown liquid. Whiskey! She swallowed hard and felt a jolt as the strong, sour, bitter alcohol taste cascaded down her throat and burned her insides.
“Ugh!”, she groaned … and sighed deeply, her head bending down, her eyes shut.
Then something shifted in her brain. Perhaps the alcohol, perhaps the sharp pain in her throat … but her mind suddenly felt clearer … the dark cloud fading and lifting.
She looked around the room and made her way to the window in slow steps, and gazed at the sky. It was a bright night, the moon full, the city slowing down from the hustle of another weekday. Her brain storm started to dissipate. Her heart started to calm down. Her mind began to revisit what had brought her to that crushing moment.
Canada was her escape … her safe place … her peace. Going there gave her what she needed. Her profession was back on track after so many years dedicated to Angie … and her heart was mending after the divorce.
“Divorce …”, she said, and guzzled the last of the whiskey to soothe herself.
Harsh word. They had been in such a bad place that neither one disagreed with the idea. It was all a blur at the moment. She couldn’t even remember how it had come up. She could hardly remember signing the papers. She wanted to breathe again and divorce was the only way out. But she finally understood why after months of self-reflection: resentment! She had resented Bette for always putting herself first, forcing Tina to put Angie first. Resentment reared its ugly head and destroyed their marriage.
She was still thick in the pain of the divorce when Kit died of an overdose. It was devastating! Her instinct told her that she needed to catch the first flight to LA and support her family. And she did! But the long flight gave her enough time to ponder about her future … to remember Melvin’s death … and to fear the outcome of her visit. She couldn’t repeat the mistakes of the past! She couldn’t put her own needs on hold for Bette again. When Melvin was dying, she had rushed to Bette’s side and couldn’t leave her after that. They got back together with unresolved issues. She knew that she wouldn’t have the courage to leave her and Angie. She couldn’t do that again!
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Dbff – that was AWESOME!!!!!!
Certainly hope the Gen Q writers read this!!!!!!
Thanks for offering some explanation for Tina’s back story of why the divorce & how Carrie happened. Agree that Carrie would never replace Bette for Tina.
Can only hope that with Laurel committing to participate in season 2 of Gen Q, she will once again allow Tina to have a role in Bette’s life.
Thanks so much!!!!!!
Thank you, Collins! We have every indication that Laurel will be back. But we all know how TLW writers have treated Tina through the years. They don’t seem to be able to stop creating drama around Bette and blaming Tina for it.
Wow! I really enjoyed every single word. It is so deep, nuanced and detailed. Can’t wait to read more!
Thank you for the kind words, BetteP! I always prefer to stay away from the drama that the TLW writers create. I couldn’t ignore it this time.
Really well done. The show’s writers haven’t made it easy to respect the canon and you’ve done a great job here. I agree, we should hear so much more of WTF Tina’s ‘getting lost’ problem is, lol
Thank you, Largo! And we all know that we won’t hear much of an explanation, right? They seem incapable of giving explanations.
Wow dbff!!!!
If only this is what will happen on the show!!!
Loved it how you let us in on Tina’s mind, how she felt, her reasons for the divorce, why she accpeted Carrie’s marriage proposal but knew all along that the passion and love would always belong to Bette and her.
Really a great story!
Thank you!
Thanks, Bibi28! If only … that’s my wish! Since they never explain, I’ll pretend that this is what happened. You’re welcome to join me at least for a year! :D
Hi! Thank you for this story, i loved it
Very interesting foe me how you explained the reason why Tina wasn’t on Kit’s funeral. I guess this reason in one i want to believe.
But i think if Bette and Tina both want the think between them will work this time, it’s not only Tina needs to “try again … and again … and again … until she got it right” – they both are.
P.S. By the way – about GQ season finale – anybody think that Bette would lose election? It was scenario which perfect fits in Marja words about given the reason to yell on her, besides about Tibette?
Yes, I’m convinced Bette will lose. It would be her challenge next season to reflect (for once ;-) ) and to look for some other way to not let Kit down.
You’re welcome, Zhenya! Yeah … I couldn’t swallow that whole thing about Kit’s funeral. We knew that this is not who Tina is, and there were better explanations for that. The TLW writers don’t seem to care about the characters, or they lack imagination. And yes, it has to be a slow process and Bette also needs to get her sh*t together, before they reconcile. As for the Gen Q election, that was the outcome that I hoped for!
Thank you so much for this wonderful story. Perfect insight to Tina’s part of the story.
Your explanation to Tina’s reasoning not to attend Kit’s funeral and her “I needed space” sums up what I was thinking too. It feels very “Tina” to me that she did say goodbye to Kit after all.
I think you wrote everthing there is to Carrie and the proposal. Tina seems to stumble into her ambigious declaraton of love and saying yes out of the shock of reading something in the paper about Bette.
Even if this story is finished in itself, I would love another part :-)
Thanks, kiwipit! It is never easy trying to explain those TLW writers and it is so painful to go through those emotions, writing it gave me a strong headache. So … it’s not something that I usually like to embrace. I prefer to create my own stories instead of going down the TLW writers’ rabbit hole. Let’s see … :D
I agree with other comments that I wish the Gen Q writers would read your wonderful story, and follow your lead into more back story about Tina’s POV on the divorce, Angie being with Bette, and getting Tina back to LA, even if it isn’t in the same household in the beginning. We Tibetters are not going to be satisfied with a permanent split between these star-crossed lovers who are absolutely meant to be together! Thank you for your beautiful story. I hope we see it on screen at the beginning of season 2.
Thank you for your kind words, Dr. A! That’s my wish too. There is a lot more to explain that I left unsaid because the writers gave us almost nothing so far. Let’s hope that things get clearer next season, but I don’t necessarily trust them.
If only the Q Generation writers take a lead from Writers like you!
We do know though that it depends on Laurel’s availability we can only hope.
Thanks for posting
SG
She will be there, SG! Fingers crossed! :D Thanks for being a faithful reader!
Great job, I like how you used both the storyline and LH and JB words ( It’s in TiBette DNA). Made my week:-)
Thanks, K12foru 2! They had the perfect words, didn’t they? :D
You’re so right…they will never share that passionate love with anyone else. Passionate love burns too hot.
Thank you for providing some framework for the show’s decision to have Tina miss the funeral. I think it is believable when the context can be described in text much easier than on the screen.
This short you gave us was so well-written. I get excited when I see that you have posted stories. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that I wouldn’t mind you continue this one to give us a parallel Gen Q world.
You’re so kind, meloveslu! As I mentioned above, fixing these writers’ mess literally gives me headaches. It is an endless unrewarding job since they’ll come back in a year and destroy it again. This is why I tend to write separate stories and prequels. But … who knows? I didn’t think that I would write this one … :D
As for how easy it is to explain, all they need is a couple of lines here and there, but they always choose to paint Tina as the bad guy in order for us to sympathize with Bette’s lack of control. Here is how I would fix that dialogue:
B – You could have at least come to the funeral.
T – I came … Alice took me to the cemetery after the funeral … and I spent time with Angie that day.
Bette looks surprised.
T – I just couldn’t be with you that day. We had just gotten divorced. I had just left. We needed that space …
B – No, you needed that space.
T – I needed that space.
B – You should have been there. I thought you were my family …
If only TLWGQ writers were this talented. Here’s to hoping ????????
Thank you, Labrys7575, you are very kind! I’m hoping too that they will give good explanations.
Tina has one other chapter which is not included in her summary of her life with Bette. That is the chapter in which after Angie was born that she and Bette drift apart and Tina decides to experiment with men (Josh & Henry). Bette gives her the space to “find herself” only to be drawn back to Bette after she is in a relationship with Jodi. It was after they got back together after Jodi that they were determined to correct some of their prior errors and build a more stable relationship – sharing of their fears and goals, allowing Tina to take control of the relationship, moving to New York for a new job for Tina and with Bette being in charge of the child care, etc. This is the part that Gen Q has omitted completely. This was their 2nd reconciliation try.
But your story is a gem! Yes, this is exactly what I would think would happen. Tina saw the devastation in Bette’s face when she told her about the marriage. She saw her desperately trying to find more wine in the empty bottle and then escaping to the kitchen to regroup. And then Bette ask for several days to think about the three of them (Carrie, Tina and Bette) telling Angie about the marriage?
But in the end….Bette and Tina belong together. There is not other acceptable ending for these two.
I love this story. And I would recommend this to Gen Q.
PS – I see the Tina and Carrie story as similar to the Tina and Henry story- not something permenant.
Thanks, Martha3128! The drama these writers create is endless, isn’t it? My take is that Bette only promised and didn’t really change when they went back to NY. The complaint that Tina had about “space” makes me believe that Tina was the one sacrificing her career for Angie and the family. She couldn’t take jobs in locations away from the family because Bette had her own priorities. Her closeness with Angie and Bette’s problems with Angie are an indication of that. And LH said that Tina was Angie’s primary parent for 14 years. If I were to write this, Bette actually moved back to LA for her latest job before the divorce and forced the situation.
I think that Tina felt resentment toward Bette, and felt that she needed to find herself, in the sense that that she hadn’t learned to deal with her, that she would always let Bette reign and it made her feel like a failure, looking back. This is why she divorced. She needed to breathe. She was not happy with herself. When she says to Angie that she got lost … I interpreted it as someone who was disappointed with herself. She was in such a good place when they went to NY! She didn’t want to be the person that she had become, the weak link in the relationship. She wanted to do better. So, she got divorced and got the job that she wanted, which took her to Canada.
The difference between Carrie and Henry is that Tina sought Henry in her first attempt to solve her problems with Bette. In her subconscious, her relationships with men had been drama free (because she was never passionate about them) and she wanted that kind of peace back in her life. She later realized her mistake. I wrote Carrie as happening in her life. Tina didn’t seek a relationship, but was able to keep Carrie because it is also a drama free relationship. And Tina has come to accept that she will never have with others what she had with Bette.
Great Story…..I see the Carrie/Tina story as being similar to the Tina/Henry story. They too were talking about marriage before Bette began to see Jodi.