It was almost noon and Tina was still in bed. As Alice arrived home to check on her she realized that it was becoming a pattern.
Its been more than a week since Bette left and for the last three days Tina has stayed in bed for at least half the day. It wasnt just the morning sickness, it was like Tinas mood was in constant change. Hormones thought Alice the first couple of days but now she was getting worried. Peeking in their room Alice saw Tina sleeping like a baby, for once her face wasnt frowning which at least was good news.

Closing the door lightly Alice decided to call Dana. Not only she wanted to comment Tinas strange behaviour, she wanted to listen to her sweet voice and try to find the courage to start the conversation that was hanging between them Tonya, the kiss, the marriage, the us

Tina felt Alices eyes caressing her body. She knew her friend was worried about her but she didnt know how to explain to her what was going on with her.

It wasnt just the pregnancy, shed tell that hormones were playing with her but she also knew it was something else.

After re reading Bettes letter she fell into this lethargy mood. She wanted to talk with Bette, needed to see her, the look in her eyes, her hands moving, her body in motion.

Tina was feeling insecurity eating her inside. As much as she loved and believed Bettes letter Tina was no fool. Life was not so easy. It was true that anger was no longer devouring her, pain was almost gone, and images were deleted from her memory but something inside, the knot on her stomach was warning Tina.

She was no longer just herself. She had a life growing inside, she was responsible for others now. Could Bette understand why she was pregnant? Would Bette want the baby? Could Bette deal with all that again?.

Doubts were killing Tina, and being unable to share her doubts, her fears with Bette was weakening her even more than the pregnancy.

Sighing deeply Tina seated on the bed. Was wearing Bettes robe and as she was, unintentionally, caressing it, searching for comfort she saw Bettes old diary on the night stand. Sighing deeply she got it. After looking, caressing the old green velvet covers, she randomly opened it.


January 17.1999

I did it. I finally found the courage to ask her. Its been the longest night of my life, the scariest and the most rewarded. I look at my side and here she is, peacefully sleeping.

I need to stop and move my hand to carefully caress her bare arm. She is naked under the sheets and just thinking about it made me shiver. Its not just the animal reaction I feel every time I see her in the nude, is much more than that.
Knowing, seeing how comfortable she feels to expose herself so honestly, so openly used to scare me. No I take comfort from her easiness.
Looking at her now, feeling her warm body so close to mine, listening her breathing besides me, makes me proud of myself, I did the right thing, the best thing, for once, the bravest thing I love her. Its pure and simply LOVE.

She has given more than Id have imagined and not until today Ive found the courage to truly show her my thankfulness. I asked her to move in with me. I know it took her by surprise, and that knowledge makes me smile now, looking at her, sleeping, lightly tossing in bed.

The moment I saw the look in her eyes when she arrived from work I knew Id not let her go anymore. I need her to be here, with me, all the time. But today, for the first time in my life I felt it, it came naturally, it felt well, it made me feel complete.

She is sick, I needed, need to take care of her. She is usually the one who does that sort of things, she takes care of me, of my friends, her friends now, of the house, hers and mine, of every little detail but today when I saw her coming in, looking awful but so beautiful to me. Her watery eyes looking for comfort, her trembling body searching for a hug and her tired smile showing all her love.. I knew it. I had to make her mine, make her understand that this is her house as much as mine, that this is my life as much as hers. That her pain is mine, that her joy makes my day, that her smile is the only thing that I wake up every morning looking for.

Its been three days since we saw each other, thats why she is here, being so sick.She wanted to see me, she knew I wanted to see her.She didnt mention she was sick, she just arrived, happy in all her fever, to see me.

She never complains, whats with her that she never does? I dont even want to think about the times I have been sick. Camille was an amateur compare to me, I love attention, care Im a plain pain in the ***** and she never complaint when she took care of me but now that is her turn she doesnt either, she ask for nothing.

It felt so good helping her, taking care of her, putting her to bed with the purest intentions even when her bare body was waking up every fiver in mine. She fall asleep the moment her tired head touched the pillow and she has been since then.
Ive tried to make some dinner, Ive started to but seems that Im not able to stay away from her. Thats why I am here, sitting on the bed, looking at her, waiting for anything shed need.
I want to see her opening her sleepy eyes, I want to feel the smile I know will appear instantly on her face. I need to feel it, I need to see it, its my life, its my future, its just Tina.

Hours later,Alice found Tina asleep with a big smile on her face, hugging Bettes diary.