Every night, Shane would let out a sigh as she undressed and climbed into bed, and she would put her lips on her lover’s temple, whisper “I love you.” And then settled in to sleep, she tried to spoon Carmen that first night, but Carmen shifted in her position, as if to protest the closeness. And dejectedly, Shane would roll over to her side of the bed. Subsequently, Shane would kiss her girlfriend’s temple and whisper ‘I love you’ as usual, but she would not attempt to spoon Carmen. Instead, she would just roll over to her side of the bed, as far away as possible.

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She could tell the disappointment Shane had every time she found her ‘asleep’. She knew she was feigning sleep, she was sure of it. How could anyone be sleepy after sleeping off at least half the day? But Carmen didn’t want to deal. She didn’t want to look at the disappointed look on Shane’s face. And every time Shane kissed her on the temple and said ‘I love you’, she felt like tearing up. It shouldn’t be that way, she was trying so very hard to push Shane, to drive her away. And many times she felt like she was succeeding. But every night, Shane would just show her love to a ‘sleeping’ Carmen.

Carmen waited, an hour, two, sometimes three, for Shane to fall asleep. She looked out for the exact moment Shane’s breathing stabilized into a deep rhythm. And the slight throaty snore that comes shortly after. Then she would turn to watch Shane, and soundlessly whisper her ‘I love yous’. She would watch Shane till she herself couldn’t fight sleep anymore, and then she would slump down onto the bed, and mold herself into Shane. Enjoying the momentary comfort the oblivious girlfriend could provide.

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In the morning, Shane would awake in Carmen’s arms, their bodies wrapped together tightly. She would lay as still as she could, relishing in the feel of Carmen, hoping and praying she would have more time, even if it was just 10mins, to hold her before she awoke. But it never was long enough, because as soon as Carmen woke up, she would untangle herself and turn over to her side of the bed, continuing to feign sleep.