Fan Fiction
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When you get it, do you still want it? Chptr 32
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Dear Tina,
Thanks for your e-mail, and for encouraging me to keep writing. I have to admit that as hard as it is to put into words what I am feeling, it is a little therapeutic. However, I have to tell you, the strangest thing is happening to me. Ok…now don’t laugh, but I have been spending more and more time thinking about us…about the mistakes we made…I made…in our relationship, and the more I think about it, the hungrier I get! What’s that about? And it’s not like I am hungry for normal stuff. I am getting these weird cravings…like right now, I am sitting here typing and eating Doritos and drinking chocolate milk!! Geez Tina…I can’t even remember the last time I ate a Dorito…or even know if I’ve EVER had a Dorito. And you know I am not a milk drinker, and chocolate I can take or leave…but nevertheless, here I sit munching on Doritos and drinking chocolate milk. My keyboard is turning orange…oh dear…I think I’m going to regret this combination in about a 15 minutes. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!!! Please tell me you munch on something while you are typing…please!! God, if this keeps up, by the time you come back on September 12th, I will have gained 50 pounds….Hey, I’m just trying to prepare you. :)
Ok…in all seriousness…because of all the thinking I have been doing, there are so many things to talk about. I want to talk with you about different things that came up for me the last year we were together, but first…
I am so sorry that my relationship with Candace causes you such pain. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand why you feel the way you do. I understand the pain and the fear you are feeling. I really do Tina. I said this before, I honestly don’t know if I would be as understanding if it had been you rather than me. I don’t even know if I would be talking with you, if it had been the other way around. You are a much better person than I am. You have a much bigger heart. The only way I know how to help you with the pain is to continue to tell you and to show you that I love only you. Maybe I said it wrong in my last e-mail. When I said that I still love Candace, I meant it as a friend. Alice is a good example. I love Alice, and she will always have a special place in my heart, but I don’t want to be with her Tina…any more than I want to be with Candace. I know it’s because I was unfaithful to you with Candace, and because it is so recent, that it makes it hard to understand, but Baby, I feel for Candace as I feel for Alice. I do not want to be with Candace as a partner. I do not want to be with Candace as a lover. There is only one person that can be everything to me…and that is you Tina. It took being away from you for me to realize that, but I know it now WITHOUT A DOUBT.
Please Tina…You asked me to help you to know what to do…It is proof again what a generous heart you have that you would ask for my help, even after all that I have done. I betrayed your trust, I betrayed our vows to each other…I cheated on you and then compounded the pain by continuing the relationship. I watched you leave the country, devastated and angry, and didn’t do anything about it. I stayed with Candace even after my dream started, because I was afraid of your rejection. I did all of that Tina, and now you are paralyzed with fear, because of it. I think there is only one way for you to move on, so I stand before you (so to speak) asking you for the one thing that I have yet to ask you for…to please find it in your heart to forgive me. In all the conversations we have had over the last several weeks, this is the one thing that I wasn’t able to ask for out loud…forgiveness. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me for what I have done, then maybe…just maybe, we might be able to move on from Candace together. And maybe with forgiveness you will be able to find a certain peace, and your nightmare might go away. Maybe with forgiveness you will finally be able to pull yourself from the mud of fear. Baby, it is in your power to give it, or not…but I think it is the only way for you to truly let go, and move on like you said you wanted to do. I know I ask this for my own redemption as well, but I am asking you to think about this for us both.
Take your time Tina. I don’t want you to feel pressure. I’ll wait for you…although it is probably a good thing you are in Vancouver, because watching me wait is not a pretty sight! :)
I wanted this e-mail to be longer Baby, but it is too hard to write about so much heavy stuff at one sitting. I will write some more tomorrow.
Oh, and by the way…just in case you forgot…I am in love with you Tina Kennard, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Bette
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I’m really enjoying this story. I’m a huge TiBette shipper but I’m sorry I can’t forgive Bette. It seems she wants her cake and eat it too. I think Tina should go for it with Elaine.
Why doesn’t she just drop Candace and stop talking about her? I would. It’s not like she’s known her for a long time. Just chalk it up to experience and move on. I’m sure Tina is tired of hearing her name. Bette was with Alice before she ever met Tina, it’s different. Candace was the woman she CHEATED with! Bette, get a clue!
Like you said, you don’t agree with Bette’s actions…
Okay, I’m over it.
On with the tabloid pics and we’ll see how serene Bette is then. Ha!
Thanks!
Burning the mid night oil again, posting the final grades for the summer semester and have a few weeks off before fall semester begins. Will any way I think you are handling the e-mails fine, I certainly don’t get a good vibe with your heading / the pictures coming out. And of course the statement from Bette not being understanding if it were reversed. But I will hang in and read anything you write. Excellent chapter. Doritos & c.milk I am not to sure myself?
To be honest, I’ve never been in such position in a relationship. But after reading so many fan fic stories about Bette fighting for her relationship with Tina, I think time is one of the important factor that’s going to heal them. And baby steps, not expecting instant results and knowing what themselves want. Yes, it takes a lot of work from both sides. The trainwreck they’re in do probably brought them to know themselves and each other better. Though it sounds selfish for Bette to say that if the roles were reversed she wouldn’t be as understanding but it’s fair enough, she’s acknowledging a “fact” abt herself. I find that writing itself is therapeutic though email is rather ‘cold’ when needed to deal with things but it allows that safe zone to be honest, open and vulnerable. The intense stuff becomes a bit more bearable. though nowadays I’ve grown to do more face-to-face talking.
I think if we took a poll on Bette infidelity it would be -100%. So I am with you on the same page with that. I would like techgal stated just have Bette not mention candance unless Tina approaches the subject. I think that the e-mails are sincere and frank. I am not sure if it could be this direct with out the emotions spilling over and that is where Tina becomes vulnerable to Bette’s charm. Doritos and chocolate milk? So you have done this combination and posted the warning so others will reframe from following suit. Can’t wait for the next chapter.
Don’t get me wrong Seahurst, I’m upset with Bette the character, and not with your writing.
As for Doritos and chocolate milk? That combo alone should tell us that Bette is not in her right mind. I wonder how well they will sit on her stomach when Alice drops off the latest National Enquirer and Star on her doorstep. Ha!
And you know Alice won’t wait for a minute to do it!
Thanks!
Techgal…I think the reason Bette continues to talk about Candace, is because Tina asks her to. Tina asked Bette to help her get thru the fear she has of Bette going back to Candace. Tina asked Bette to talk about her relationship with Candace. I think if it was up to Bette…she wouldn’t say one more word about her…but it’s what Tina wants.
Bette needs to focus on Tina now, she’s already explained herself in reference to Candace. The name should not come up again unless Tina brings it up. Wonderful chapter as usual.
i think bette and tina belong together.. ive watched that last scene in the season finale and i dont know if it was great acting or great writing but i totally believed bette about being sorry. they are made for each other. i think this story is really showing how bette is trying and how tina wants to forgive her.
Hey seahurst, I hope you’re back to good health! All that talk of Doritos and chocolate milk is making me hungry, BTW :) Sorry, hard to focus so early in the a.m. -I find it hard to forgive Bette for her actions as well – but I’m sure you’l do an amazing job having these two work their way through it ~ Thanks for posting!
yes Techie exactly Bette Cheated with Crapdance and she loves her it’s a big diference to what she had with Alice. If I was Tina I wouldn’t want Bette to continually mention her. And what’s this friendship with her? Does she still see her.
Even if Tina does love Bette unconditionally Bette doesn’t love her the same, she said so herself. And to me her six month relationship with her mistress that she loves and is still friends with, I don’t think Bette deserves Tina. Sorry to rant, as I said before I’m really enjoying this story. By any chance does this lead into your other story Seahurst?
Bette is pouring everything she has into these letters. Although Tina might not be happy reading it, I’m glad that she appreciates the effort. Great job, Seahurst!
I agree Bette has to put Candace in the past she can’t keep her as a friend like Alice because she was’nt with Tina when she was Alice. Make Bette put Candance out of her life if she wants Tina back.
Alice and Candace is Apples and Oranges. Bad move for Bette to make that comparison. Tina would never be able to put the two in the same category and unfair of Bette to do so. Tina needs to go for her own conquests, if for nothing else, to get a sense of herself other then the one Bette left her with. And you don’t need writing lessons from anyone..Great Job Seahurst! ; )
Tina is giving Bette a hard,I know she told Bette to E-Mail her,she keeps bring Candace up and wont to know all about the affair.I my self don’t believe that Tina is going back to Bette. So why keep getting Bettes hope up. Thank
Still loving it.. Sorry you think your having trouble with the story, your doing great….
I’m kinda sick and tired of hearing Candycrap’s name and I think Bette should just forget about her and never mention or see her ever again. It has to be a clean break..its the best way to go. How can she love Alice and Candycrap the same way?! Alice is a true friend, Candycrap is a homewrecker. Bette has to make a choice – Tina or Candycrap – Bette needs to sacrifice one for the other..and Bette truly loves Tina, then its pretty obvious what she needs to do..