TINA Wow! Tina couldnt believe that they had been shooting for three months. They were half way through the season already! She was so grateful that she had this job and that the hours were so long. Otherwise, she wasnt sure that she would have survived the last six months with her heart still in her body. Alices visit a couple months back had been great, but she felt like her emotions were on a roller-coaster the whole time. It was so wonderful having someone here who knew her so well, but it was hard having someone here who was so closely tied to everything that happened in LA. Alice had been surprisingly well behaved with the cast and crew. Tina chuckled to herself, thinking that Dana was definitely doing something right, because in the end, Alice was all bark and no bite, and her bark was more like a whimper at best. Tina truly loved her work, and told herself that if she ever got to a point where she wanted another relationship, that she would not give up her autonomy again. She felt that she had lost a lot of herself towards the end of her relationship with Bette. She didnt blame Bette though, for it was her choice and her choice alone to quit working. At the time, Tina had convinced herself that she was quitting for both of them, that their relationship would be stronger if she was home full time. In reality, it had all been about her and her needs. It didnt have anything to do with Bette. Tina had wanted a child so badly, that she just pushed her wants onto Bette. Although Tina was sure that Bette wanted children as well, she now understood that Bette had needed more time before instantly becoming the sole financial provider. They should have talked more about how the impact of not only having a child, but only one income, would have on the dynamic of their relationship with each other, but also how it would affect them individually. They should have allowed Bette to become more comfortable with the pressures that were bound to come with being in that role. Tina had wanted to prepare her body and spirit for their child, but didnt think about how Bette needed to prepare. Tina realized how selfish that was on her part. Of course, that didnt constitute a reason to cheat, but she understood how much emotional and financial pressure she had put on Bette. Bette…God how she missed her. Tina had never experienced this kind of loss before. The loss of not only her lover, but of her best friend as well. She had heard about the double whammy from other lesbians, and now understood what they were talking about. Tina had a couple of serious relationships with men before she had met Bette. And even though she experienced love in both cases, she didnt feel the deep loss of a best friend when they ended. Bette was the person Tina wanted to tell everything to. Bette was the one she wanted to talk things through with…good or bad. She so loved talking to, and sharing her life with Bette. Even now, when she was feeling sad or lonely, she instinctively wanted to pick up the phone and call Bette and talk to her about it. However, she couldnt call the person who caused the pain, to talk about the pain. Tina knew it wouldnt help her feel better and would probably make her feel more vulnerable, the one feeling she didnt want to have when talking with Bette. Besides, Bette had moved on and was with Candace now. That thought alone was still devastating to Tina. She had made some progress in her own journey to move on, but her heart was still full of one person. She had to admit though that coming to Vancouver had been a good move for her. Hey Tina Tina was jolted out of her reverie by the friendly voice of Sandi, one of the crew. Hi Sandi. Whats up? Several of us are going to the local womens bar tonight. I thought maybe this time you might actually say yes and join us. Tina smiled. All the women on the crew had been very nice to her. None of them knew the details of what had happened with Bette. Tina had not wanted to share something so personal with anyone here, but they all knew that Tina had been hurt very badly and was still a wounded bird. Tina didnt realize that the energy she was putting out told everyone loud and clear how much pain she was in, even though she had never said a word, and thought she was covering up pretty well. Her eyes told the story without her knowing it. Thanks Sandi. I appreciate you inviting me, but I have tons to do here and then I have a date with a nice hot bubble bath. I am still not use to this cold, wet weather. Sandis face showed her disappointment. Ok Tina. Maybe next time? Sure Sandi, Tina flashed one of her best smiles, maybe next time. Tina knew that going out might help her feel a little better, but the truth was, the thought of going to a womens bar without Bette, had absolutely no appeal to her. She just didnt want to be the single one staring out at all the women wondering if one of them could be her soul mate. She knew that was not possible, because she already knew where her soul mate was. She was living in LA…with someone else. BETTE The last three months had been difficult and painful for Bette, because she had to end her relationship with Candace, but was having a really hard time actually doing it…even knowing that Tina had her heart. Before Bette met Tina, she had never been in love before. But being with Tina had taught Bette a lot about love, and a lot about being in love. It was because of this knowledge that Bette knew that she did love Candace. Unbelievable…You go through your life looking for love, thinking that maybe youre not capable of feeling the kind of love that everyone writes about, that movies are made about, and then boom, it hits you! Then, you are going along thinking that, OK, maybe I can do this big time relationship, love thing…and then boom, it hits you again! Hows that for karma? Bette had always thought that she could accomplish anything she put her mind to, but when she fell in love with Tina, the immense strength and incredible peace she received made her feel invincible, yet completely vulnerable, both at the same time. What a dichotomy! Being with Tina had taught her something else. She no longer wanted to be the one with all the control. She no longer wanted to be the one that holds it all together for everyone else. It was one of the things she loved the most about her relationship with Candace. She shared the control with Bette. She did things like offering to drive, or letting Bette order first at a restaurant. Candace loved to pay for things as much as Bette did, and quite often was already paying for something before Bette could even get her billfold out. Candace had also helped Betted realize that by trying to be the best friend to everyone, the best lover, the best employee, the best whatever, that she was trying to have control over things that just couldnt be controlled. You should try to be the best person you can, and everything else will fall into place. She loved Candace for helping her see these things in a very loving and supportive way. Bette understood now that as time went on, she and Tina had just kind of let each other take on certain roles, which at the time seemed easier and comfortable, but in the end probably caused more harm than good. Bette remembered how Tina was at the beginning of their relationship. She was so strong and confident, and had really done well for herself. Bette had loved that about Tina. But, as their relationship continued, Tina had little by little, allowed Bette to take more control of things, rather than go against her strong personality. It took Candace to show Bette that she had gone off the deep end with her control issues. Bette couldnt help but think that for all the pain she had caused Tina, that when they came back together (there were no ifs in Bettes mind), Bette would be a better person and therefore, a better partner for Tina. She just hoped that Tina could forgive her for her betrayal of their relationship, and that Tina would actually like these changes in her as much as Bette did. Bette sat up straight in her chair. She felt a chill go through her whole body. All of a sudden, she had an incredibly strong feeling that the time for thinking and processing was over, that she had to go to Tina…now. She didnt understand why she felt that, but the felling was so strong and clear, she wasnt about to question it. She picked up the phone to call Candace, dreading what she would have to do next. Hello? Hey Candi, its me. Hey you, perfect timing! Really? Whys that? I just submitted a bid for a remodel for this guy who is a big art collector. He wants his living room redesigned to show off more of his collection. He as some great ideas that I thought we could use in my living room. That way you could bring some of your collection out of storage. Uh…thats great. Hey, could we talk about that later? Im right in the middle of something, but wanted to know if we could have dinner together tonight? Sure darling. How bout I pick up some of that Cuban food you like so much? We can eat out on the deck. That sounds good Candi. Ill see you at your place around 6:30? See you then beautiful. Oh God, Bette lowered her head into her hands and felt like an absolute ***** for the second time in six months.