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    When you get it, do you still want it? Chptr 6

    TINA It had been two weeks since Tina had been invited to join the crew for drinks, and Tina had been suffering from an upset stomach the whole time. Well, not really an upset stomach, more like an anxious feeling that you get when you know something big is going to happen. Tina couldnt shake the feeling. She didnt get the impression it was going to be anything bad, just something big. ‘Oh well,’ she told herself, ‘Im not going to lose sleep over it. Whatever it is will show itself in good time.’ Tina did think it was weird that this feeling started the same day that Sandi has asked her to join them at the bar. ‘Maybe I should have gone. Well,’ Tina thought, ‘Ill just have to join them the next time they go.’ She knew she wasnt ready to be with someone yet, but it couldnt hurt to go outright? As if right on cue, there was a knock on the office door. Come in. Sandi poked her head in and gave Tina a big grin. Hey Tina! Im here to make my biweekly offer to join us for drinks tonight. Come oncome with us. Youll have a good time. You need to loosen up a bit, and I know there are a couple of women here that have been dying to help you do just that! Tina started laughing. Well, I dont know about that, but your timing today is perfect! I think a couple of drinks and some dancing might be just what the Doctor ordered! Right on Tina! Ill let the others know. Sandi walked away from Tinas office to let everyone know that Tina had said yes. Tina was so nice and thoughtful to everyone involved in the show. She seemed to bring out the best in people, which had the effect of endearing them to her. Of course, the fact that she was one of the hottest women there didnt hurt either. And like Sandi told Tina, there was more than one woman who would like to be the one to comfort her. Sandi didnt know it, but there was one in particular, who had been very careful about not giving any indication of her feelings towards Tina. She normally didnt go out to the bar, but when she heard Sandi pass by with the news, she made an instant decision to join the party tonight. BETTE Bette had the biggest pit in her stomach. She was about to board a plane for Vancouver, where the entire course of her future will be decided. She had been so sure of what she wanted her future to be, but now that the time had come to finally put it into action, she was scared stiff. It didnt matter how sure she was of herself, or who her heart belonged to, if Tina didnt feel the same way, then all she dreamed of will be lost. And Tina had every right not to feel the same way. Bette had no idea exactly what she was going to say to Tina, but prayed that the right words would come out of her mouth at the right time. Not only had her recurring dream not stopped, but she had had the dream every night for the past two weeks. Ever since the day she was in her office and knew that the time to go to Tina was now. ‘Boy, if that doesnt convince you that the Universe is working overtime for you, I dont know what will.’ Bette couldn’t wait to start over with Tina, not only because she is positive that Tina is the love of her life, but because (Bette smiled), over the course of the last several months of having this dream, Bette had fallen head over heels for their little girl, Mary. The logical part of her understood that Mary represented family, any or all children that Tina and Bette would have, but another part of her believed with every fiber of her being that this little girl in her dreams represented a particular soul that was just waiting for Bette and Tina to come back together. As it was Bettes destiny to be with Tina, this little girls destiny was to be raised by them. The shear responsibility involved in having that belief was almost too overwhelming for Bette. She was amazed how a dream could have so much more of an effect on her spiritual journey than any earth bound spiritual advisor. Even experiencing all that she had, the last two weeks had been the longest of Bettes life. Breaking up with Candace had been one of the hardest things she had ever done. This was a woman that she truly loved. No matter how nefarious the beginning of their relationship was, the six months Bette had spent with Candace had been fulfilling…to a point. Bette had been happy with Candace and felt that she was someone that, had Bette met her before Tina, Bette would have been happy spending her life with. However, Bette had met Tina first, and therefore had experienced what she now knew was the whole reason that we are here on this earth…to learn how to be joyful. Bette smiled to herself. ‘What was it that people said? Oh thats right…its all about the love, its all about the joy.’ Bette had certainly taken the long route in figuring that out, and even though she had experienced both love and joy with Candace, Bette knew that there were no words to describe the pure joy that came into her soul when she thought about holding Tina in her arms, looking into her eyes. Tears starting falling down Bettes cheeks as she reflected on the joy she had experienced over the seven years with Tina. ‘Oh God baby, please forgive me. I knew I was walking a path that was heading in the wrong direction, but I just couldnt stop. Please baby…please.’ As Bette sat on the plane staring out the window, she thought about how gracious Candace had been at dinner that night, even though they both knew that her heart was breaking. Bette had arrived at Candaces promptly at 6:30. Candace was just dishing up dinner and had candles lit out on the deck. Hey gorgeous. Hi Candi.” Bette walked over and gave Candace a quick kiss and hug, and then walked over to the kitchen counter and poured herself a glass of wine. Well…that was a sorry ***** of an excuse for a hello kiss! Candace smiled at Bette with such love that for a moment she felt her resolve wavering. Bette thought that the Universe better be right with this whole destiny thing, because if Tina and her were not meant to be together, Bette was just about to end one of the best relationships she had ever had. And, as Alice would say, that would suck the big one! Bette handed Candace a glass of wine and took her hand, leading her into the living room. Candi. I need to talk with you about something. Cant we talk while we are eating dinner? I dont want the food to get cold. Bette knew that there was no way that she could get any food down her throat. No sweetie, I need to talk with you now. Candace immediately knew something was terribly wrong. Her stomach started to ache and her heart started beating faster. For the past two weeks Candace had been feeling anxious, but didnt know why. She just felt that something big was going to happen and that whatever it was, it wasnt going to be good. She had tried to shake it off, but it kept coming back. She had been very aware of her interactions with Bette, to see if anything was wrong there, but even though Bette had seemed distant at times, she had been so present at other times, Candace had put it down to stress at work. As she thought about it now, she realized that they hadnt made love during that time, which was very unusual for them. Bette and Candace both had a very active ***** drive and, well the physical attraction they felt for each other was stronger than any Candace had ever felt before. She was scared to death now about what Bette needed to talk with her about. This was after all the woman that Candace wanted to spend her life with. Bette looked into Candaces eyes and said, I want you to know that I love you, and that I have been happy with you these last six months. Candace relaxed a bit and smiled. I love you too Bette. Being with you has been a beautiful dream for me. Bettes heart sank. How do you respond to that? She took a deep breath. Candi, I know that you and I have talked before about the problems that Tina and I were going through before you and I met, but what we havent really talked about is the wonderful and joyous parts of my relationship with Tina. I need to talk with you about them now. Your right Bette. We havent talked about the good parts of your relationship with Tina. I guess I felt we didnt have to. I mean, you two were together for seven years. I know you well enough to know that there had to have been lots of good times, otherwise you would have left. Bette smiled. Youre right. There were lots of good times. Enough to keep me there for seven years, and (Bette took a big breath) enough to keep me happy for the rest of my life. What do you mean by that? Candace nearly choked out the words. Baby, I am so sorry. I do love you, but I need Tina. I am happy with you, but I am still so in love with Tina. I didnt realize my feelings for her until she left town, and even then I tried to let go of them, because you are so incredible and have brought so much into my life. As tears streamed down Candaces face, Bette described to her the dream she had been having every night. She talked about what the dream meant to her. She talked about some of the incredible times she had shared with Tina. I have no choice but to go to her and see if she will share her future with me. I am so sorry Candi. Please know that it was never my intention to hurt you. I was just so blown away by you when we first met, that I had to be with you. At the time, I thought I had fallen out of love with Tina and was mesmerized by what I thought I could share with you. I know now that I was wrong. I am so grateful for you and the love you have shared with me. My only regret is the pain I caused Tina six months ago, and the pain I am causing you now. I feel like I keep asking people to do this, but I hope that some day you can forgive me. Forgive you for what? For being in love with the woman you married. There is nothing to forgive Bette. I love you with all my heart, but I dont want to stay with you if you dont feel the same way. I think deep down I knew that your feelings for Tina had not gone away. I guess I was just hoping for more time. Dont get me wrong, my heart is breaking as we speak, but I want someone to feel for me as I feel for you. If you cant give me that, then you are right, you have no choice but to leave. I just will ask one thing from you. “Whats that honey? God, Bette loved the strength of this woman. If Tina is crazy enough not to take you back, please dont come back to me. I dont think my heart could take it. Bette reached over and wrapped her arms around Candace. With a voice that was barely above a whisper, Bette just said, I understand.” The two women who had shared so much in the last six months just held each other. After both their tears had subsided, they let go of each other. Bette stood up, squeezed Candaces hand and left her house without saying another word.

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