“Let me pay the check.  Let’s get out of here.”  Just as she said this, she noticed Miguel making the rounds at the tables, chatting up his clientele.  Tina walked over to him, interrupting his conversation.

While Bette pulled herself together, wiping away tears and taking long gulps of water, Tina spoke with Miguel.  Bette watched her, saw Miguel nod and look over at her, smile, and then embrace Tina, kissing her on each cheek.  Tina returned to the table and offered her hand to Bette who took it and stood.  “Let’s go,” Tina said.

Tina’s arm went around Bette’s small waist as she guided her out of the house.  “I’ll drive.”  She took the keys from Bette’s hand and walked down the steps to the parked car.

Tina turned in the seat to face Bette while Bette sat in the passenger’s seat and told her story, staring out of the window with the weight of the family’s past etched on her face.  “I knew that there was one thing I would never tolerate in a long term relationship—infidelity.  I never wanted to feel the way Mother had made Daddy feel.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear it.  And I thought that I could never do that to someone.  But look at me.    Monogamy has always meant something to me.  When a person says I love you and want to spend my life with you, it has to mean something.  It has to be the truth.  It meant nothing to Mother.  My father traveled, tried to make a living for his family, gave her and us everything we wanted, but because he wouldn’t roll over for racists, she grew tired of him.  She used to fight back, too.  Liberal, strong-minded, earnest and iron-willed regarding social causes.  She changed.  Because he wouldn’t, because he couldn’t just stay calm and quiet, she started ***** a bookstore clerk who was nearly ten years younger.  Kit was the one who caught them.”

“Bette, why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I don’t talk about it.  I want to forget it.  Mother destroyed us.  She said that she was leaving and asked me if I wanted to stay with Daddy.  Kit was old enough to be on her own.  I stayed with Daddy; he needed someone with him. Kit was around every now and then, and Mother, I didn’t see for years.  She’d call on my birthday and holidays and sometimes talk about me visiting Boston, but that never materialized.  Selfish. Self-absorbed.  Self-centered.  Self-involved.  Mother.  Me.  It might very well be my nature.”

Tina reached across the seat and stroked Bette’s face, smoothing out the tension, and offering what she could to the distraught woman.  “It’s not who you are.  All along, as much as it hurt me to see and think about you and Candace, deep down, I know that’s not you.”

“I don’t want it to be me, Tee.  If there’s something inside me that made me do that, I want to remove it.  I never want to hurt you.”

“Let me take you home.”

“It seems like I got all of the bad genes my parents held—controlling, demanding, forceful, cheater.”

* * * * *

It wasn’t a long drive and in a few minutes, Tina was pulling into the driveway.  Bette stepped out of the car, but Tina came around to guide her inside.

Tim was pruning the shrubbery in his front yard when he saw the two women enter their house.  He stared at them, trying to understand lesbians, but when he couldn’t, he turned back to clipping wayward branches.

_____

With a fatigue that was unfamiliar to her, Bette walked down the hall to the bedroom and fell into bed.  Tina walked in right after her.  She was holding two Advil and a glass of water.

“Bette, do you want to take this Advil?”

“No,” she moaned sadly.

“Do you want me to do anything for you?”

“Whatever you want, Tina.”

“Are you going to be okay?”  Tina stood over the bed, looking down at Bette.

“I don’t know.  Tina, could you stay with me, just tonight?”  Bette looked up with an expression of sorrow, but no hope.  She dared not hope that Tina would once again lie beside her.

Tina kicked off her shoes, “Sure, I can do that.”  Tina slipped into bed, her front pressing against Bette’s back.  Bette took hold of Tina’s hand and brought her arm around her so that Bette was engulfed in Tina’s embrace.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

TO BE CONTINUED

5/25/04