“What’s wrong?”

Bette stood. “This is going to sound ridiculous, but…”

“I know.”  Tina sighed.  “I was trying to hold it at bay.”

“Tina, I’ve apologized for my infidelity, but I’ve never told you how sorry I am about that night.  I was not myself.  I can’t believe what happened here.  I was afraid of losing you and I just…I forced myself—I forced you.  I know we just did that ceremony and I do feel better, but—this bed.”

“You acted in desperation.  I know that.  That was one of the first things I talked with Foxworthy about.  You didn’t know how to show me what you were feeling and I wouldn’t have accepted it any way.  And what I did was bad, too.  The way I hurt you.”  Tina pulled Bette back to the bed and they sat next to each other.  Tina gently rubbed Bette’s cheek.  “I wanted to physically hurt you the way you had hurt me.  I wish it hadn’t gotten that out of control.  What really bothers me is that it was based in violence and anger—I’ve never been that angry in my life about anything or anyone.  But what bothers me, sickens me is…” She shook her head.  “I was inexplicably turned on by it.  I don’t like that feeling.  It’s sick.”

“To know that I had that kind of beast lurking inside me.  It’s regrettable.  That’s all I can say.”

Their passion was squelched and the two women sat on the bed with the top of Tina’s head resting on Bette’s cheek.  For the longest time they sat that way until finally, they crawled into bed.  Bette pulled Tina to her, her arm around Tina’s shoulder.  Tina turned, cozied up to Bette and relaxed.  Bette stared up at the ceiling, thinking that it was all so very regrettable before she dozed off.

About half an hour later, Bette stretched and awoke.  She was surprised to find Tina wide awake and staring at her with such tenderness.

“Hey.  What’s up?”  Bette whispered

“Just thinking,” Tina replied softly.

“About?”

“9/11.”

“Huh?”

“Remember that morning when we first woke up and turned on the radio?  We heard what had happened and couldn’t believe it.  A few minutes later Alice called and asked if we wanted to meet the group at The Planet so that we could all be together.  We begged off and stayed home.  I was thinking about how we held each other on the sofa as we watched the news on TV.  In spite of all the tragedy, despite all the hatred, I felt like we were okay.”  Tina sniffed at the recollection.  “I didn’t even take a Xanax.  I wanted to, but I didn’t.”  You just held me so tight and although the world was collapsing onto itself, I knew we’d be okay.  I don’t know, I’m just reminded of that night.”

Bette smiled and Tina felt Bette’s arms reach out to hold her. This time when Tina snuggled in, she fell asleep immediately.

END PART 5

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