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    Without Tim – Part 56

    They all gather around.  Lara clutches the ashes at the edge, opening the lid.  Alice and Bette are right behind her.  Alice begins to choke up as well as Bette and everyone surrounding them.  Lara closes her eyes, bringing her face closer to the jar.

    Alice ”Dana…you don’t know how much we’re gonna miss you.”

    Bette ”But we know that everything is fine.  And you’re in a peaceful place.  And everything is okay.”

    Shane ”…No, it’s not.”

    Lara ”It is, Shane.”

    Shane looks at Lara.  She wants to argue.  She looks at Carmen, who looks down.

    Shane ”…I’m glad…that the two people she loved the most…were there.  I just wish I could’ve been there.  And know…what that must feel like.  …Shit!”

    Shane turns to leave, but Tonya stands in her way.  They look at each other momentarily.

    Tonya ”She deserved better than this.  You all do.  But here we are.”

    Shane ”…She was disappointed in you.”

    Tonya ”So was I.  But here…we are.  Don’t leave.”

    Carmen ”She’s right, Shane.”

    Carmen walks up to Shane, wrapping her arms around Shane’s shoulders and kissing her on the lips.

    Carmen ”And yes.  …Yes.”

    Shane breaks down in tears as the two embrace.

    Tina ”Lara?  …Is there anything you wanna say?”

    Lara looks at the jar of ashes.

    Lara ”It was never supposed to be like this.  I’m sorry, Dana.  …I love you.”

    She brings the jar up to her lips, now bringing only a whisper.

    Lara ”…I forgive you.  …Please forgive me.”

    Lara pours the first of the ashes out to the river below, crying.  Alice walks up to Lara.  Lara looks at the jar, then to Alice.  Alice is already crying.  Lara hands the jar to her.

    Lara ”…She loved us.”

    Alice accepts the jar, tearfully pouring some of the ashes out, Lara’s arms around her as she does.  Alice hands the jar to Bette, who pours out more of the ashes.  Alice buries her face against Lara’s chest, the two not moving as the rest take their turn at pouring the ashes out.  Mark, Marina, Francesca, Tina, Helena, then Kit.  Then Carmen, with Shane getting the last of the ashes.  Tonya abstains as a form of self-punishment.  Helena gives Tonya a hug to comfort Tonya’s own sense of loss.

    Shane ”I can’t make any promises…but I’m gonna try.”

    Shane pours out the last of the ashes.  Tonya walks up to the edge, looking out at the waterfalls.

    Tonya ”…I’m gonna try, too.”

    Tonya favors her midsection, looking down where the future awaits.  Everyone begins to leave with Alice and Lara looking on at the waterfall one last time.  For a moment, both are certain they can see Dana there in the water.

    It is time to return home.

    Dana’s apartment.

    Alice and Lara return together.  They know that soon they will need to gather their belongings from there and leave.  Their hands are clutched together in the living room.  This is where it ends.

    They press their heads together, still grieving, still hurting.

    Lara ”…It can never be the way it should have been.”

    Alice ”…I know.”

    Lara ”I’m sorry…”

    Alice ”No.  Don’t.”

    Lara ”She loved…us.”

    A tear falls from Lara’s right eye.

    Lara ”…But there’s been too much hurt.”

    Alice ”Th-that’s…my fault.”

    Both begin to cry as their arms wrap around one another.

    Lara ”I feel so fucking lost right now.”

    Alice ”Because you are.  We are.  …But Goddammit…we still have each other.  Please…I don’t wanna lose you.”

    Lara ”You’re not.  …We made a promise to each other.”

    Alice ”…I need you.”

    Lara ”Alice…forgive me.”

    Lara removes the glasses from Alice’s face, tossing them onto the couch.  They look at one another, their noses together, the breathing heavier.

    Lara ”…Oh my God.”

    Alice ”Lara…”

    Their lips press softly against each other, the kiss lingering as the two close their eyes.  Their lips finally part with Lara opening her eyes.

    Lara ”…I’m gonna take care of you.”

    Alice nods.

    They hold hands as they make their way to the bedroom.  This is where it ends.

    Page 3 of 3123

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