“Why do you ask?”  Bette regarded her fully for the first time that evening.  

“I figured Lez Girls has you in this mood tonight.  I got an invitation from Jenny to go to the cast party tomorrow night are we going?”

“I guess” Bette hesitated, she really wanted to stay as far away from Jenny as possible but there would be an opportunity to see Tina and that she wanted.  “We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

“Ok.”  Jodi finally had her attention and planned on enjoying the time that they were together.  Bette had been avoiding being intimate with her these last few days.  She wanted her and hoped she would not be disappointed again this evening. 

                                                ****

What the hell did Tina want? It was driving her crazy.  She couldn’t concentrate all she did was think about her and when they would talk.  She kept reliving that kiss.  It opened her up all over again to the woman who was her life.  She knew in her heart that no matter what happened or who she was with Tina would always own her heart.  What she didn’t know is if Tina felt the same way. 

Tina was different, cooler harder to read.  Tina was not in love with Brenda and it comforted her that there was a chance.  What terrified her was the thought that she had lost her forever.  She looked like she had moved on given her relationship with Jodi.  What she had done in reality was close off the deepest part of herself.  She took what pleasure she could from Jodi, from her friends, her work and still the core of her cried out for Tina. 

The minute Bette and Jodi entered Jenny and Shane’s house she looked for her.  Her heart glowed once she located her.  She hesitated before approaching instead watching her talk with people she did not know across the room.  The need to be near her was too strong.  She slowly approached because she just had to talk to her and bask in her presence for just a little while.  She was so desperate she would take whatever she could get. 

It couldn’t have gone to hell any faster except for right after hello.  She was introduced to the actress who would be playing ‘Bev’.   “Tell me the why of you and the plumber?” The fucking snit had asked.  The last thing she wanted to hear about was ‘the plumber’.    She did not want any part of her personal life offered up for public consumption any more than it already had been in their own lives.  She went ballistic.  She was so furious she had to leave before she said or did something that hurt Tina in her livelihood. 

Where the hell was Jodi?  She found her talking to another actress.  I’m leaving she told her heatedly then accused her of flirting with the woman she had been talking to.  Jodi informed her in no uncertain terms that she was staying.  That was just fine with Bette as she stormed off even angrier than before. 

“Bette” Tina was suddenly there before her.  She immediately felt calmer though she was still worked up. 

“I don’t know the why’s even after all this time.” She cried out in anguish.   Would she forever be condemned by Tina for her infidelity?  She owed her a why and everything she came up with was not an answer, it was an excuse. 

“What happened the other night was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened.” Tina’s words hit her like a ton of bricks. 

“I know I know we just got caught up in a moment.” She tried to backpedal to minimize how much it did mean to her. 

 It’s not going to happen again.”  She kept talking killing her with each word.

“No, no of course not.”  So there was her answer.  Tina got caught up with her in a moment but that’s as far as it went. “Are you sorry that it did?” Please please don’t be sorry.

“Yes, I am.”  There was nothing more to say.  She turned towards her house.  Tina stopped her with a question. 

“Are you in love with Jodi?”  She glanced at Tina and wanted to say I’m in love with you but held back. 

“Yes I am.”  What did it matter anymore, she was as in love as she expected she would ever be from this point on.  It would serve no point for her to elaborate on her feelings.

She did not see the brokenness of Tina’s step as she moved off into the night.