Chapter 30

Tina stepped out in cool night air. She closed the door gently so she didn’t wake Bette up. Bette didn’t need to be involved in this. This would also be a good bonding agent with her and Ashley. Ashley was out of sight, but she took off running down the street after Ashley anyways. When she reached the corner she turned and saw Ashley sitting on the sidewalk in the fetal position sobbing in her knees. She bent down and touched Ashley on the shoulder. Ashley retracted viciously.

“Ash, are you okay?”

“No.”

“What’s the matter honey?”

“What do you care? Every since you showed up my life has been turned upside down in more ways than one!”

Tina looked at Ashley confused. Did she really have this much of an impacted on this child’s life? All she’d been thinking about was her and Bette. She’d never really given their children a thought. Never really though of how this had been affecting them, and their obvious new found fascination with each other.

“Honey what’s going on? Please tell me? I do care. More than you know. I know you don’t know me well enough to judge whether I’m being honest or not, but I tell you honestly that I love you and your mother.”

“You don’t know me enough to say that; and my mother for that matter. You guys haven’t seen each other in 18 years. Haven’t spoken. Haven’t touched. Nothing. She’s changed. You can’t honestly say you love her.”

The validity of that statement was earth shattering to Tina. They had changed. They were new people, but she knew deep down in her heart that she loved Bette and Bette loved her.

“Ashley, I know this is hard to understand, but I do love your mother. We do need to get to know each other again, but I do love her. And I can see you feel the same about Spencer. Ashley I’ve been in your situation, shit I am in your situation, but trust me when I say that running is NOT the answer. You’ll regret it. It will make you feel hopelessly worthless when you run away from something as big as love. I am talking from personal experience. I regretted the move from your mother, my home, to New York ever single day of those 18 years. That’s 6,574 days with out your mother’s arms around me, with our hearing she loved me, with out touching her, and telling her I loved her. It was too much; I built a wall, and my ex-husband realized it. I was never in love with him, but I was lonely. I missed your mom too much. More than I ever anticipated. That’s why we have to do this now. I know she feels the same, and that’s why she has such a beautiful daughter. Ashley, you are everything we wanted when we got pregnant the first time. Intelligent, beautiful, and loving. I had a miscarriage. I built that same wall up to your mother, and we fell apart. She cheated and I used that as an excuse for the fear I was feeling that we were being punished. That I was being punished for being in love with a woman. I was raised with strict Christian parents and I guess it just caught up with me. I felt ashamed, and I couldn’t tell your mother that. She was too proud to hear it. But I couldn’t take the stares anymore, the feeling that I was dirty. Pathetic. And I guess I figured that Bette would be better off with someone who wasn’t as confused as I was. It wasn’t until it was too late that I realized that I was hopelessly in love with her, and I don’t give a shit about those assholes who dare judge me, I have a love greater than anyone else has and I intend on proving to her how much I love her.”

Tina had tears rolling down her face. The confession she had just made to this 16 years girl was really heavy and she honestly didn’t know how much of it she had already knew. She also just cleared up a lot of her fears in that confession. She suddenly heard the clearing of a throat. She looked up at Ashley who was looking past and up towards someone else. She turned around and saw Bette starring down at her.

“Why couldn’t you just tell me all of that?”

“How much did you hear?”

“Enough. Tina, I love you so much. I know I didn’t show you before, and I know I didn’t make you any more assured of our love when I pushed you away, but I do. I love you. So much.”

Tina collapsed into Bette’s chest sobbing. She had just endured one of the most profound experience of ecstasy in her life. The truth. It was out in the open and she felt so much love for the being that was wrapping her arms around her. She wasn’t running any longer. She was staying for as long as she was wanted. Bette pulled her head out of her chest and pulled Tina’s face up to her. She pulled her lips into a kiss and began to cry silently. She pulled away from Tina and wiped her tears away.

“Tina Kennard, you are mine. And your not escaping me this time!”

She pulled her arms around Tina and squeezed. Squeezed hard. Ashley stayed sitting on the ground watching the interaction. That was it. That was what she needed to see. She was going to show Spencer what she was feeling, and hope to God that she would reciprocate.