Bette woke up feeling exhausted and while her body begged for rest her mind would allow no such luxury. Tina was still sound asleep and Bette willed her to remain so for at least a while, wanting to put off the unavoidable discussion until there was caffeine in her veins. Moving silently around the room she changed into her favorite jeans and a black singlet before wandering out to the kitchen in search of coffee.

10 minutes later she settled back into bed with coffee in one hand and the LA Times in the other. She was half way though the world news section when Tina began to stir and her eyes slowly opened.

Hey you Bette smiles softly

Hmmmm Was the only reply offered as Tina closes her eyes and rolls away from Bette

Headache? Bette asks

Killer headache Tina finally mutters into the mattress

Theres a glass of water and some Advil on the table Bette offers

Thanks Is the muffled reply, Tina pushes herself up long enough to wash down two tablets with a couple of mouthfuls of water before collapsing back onto the bed. There was silence for several minutes. Bette kept her eyes on Tinas back wondering if she wasnt going to drift off to sleep again.

Oh God! Tina suddenly moans

Whats wrong? Bette knows damn well what was up, Tina is beginning to remember last night.

Me, when Im that drunk

Bette laughs ruefully and runs a hand along Tinas back which is still covered in the shirt she wore last night.

I dont think Ive ever seen you that bad before Baby Bette admits as Tina moves further away so she is out of reach Oh come on T

Its not funny Bette! Tina cries, her shame multiplying with each new detail remembered Oh Jesus Their fight comes into focus, she remembers the things she said to Bette and decides that it would be better if the ground opened up and swallowed her right now.

Need any help filling in the blanks Bette offers, doing a lousy job of suppressing her amusement. She shifts across the bed and lies on her side next to Tina.

Please, just leave me alone Tinas body tenses as Bette wraps an arm across her back

Cant do that T Bette whispers in her ear as Bette pulls at Tinas side until she relents and rolls over to face her. Tina curls up in a ball with her eyes shut tight as she pulls the comforter up over her head Tina! Bette pleads

Go away Is the only reply offered

Bette pulls the comforter back from Tinas head and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Look at me The command is gentle, if Tina opened her eyes she would have seen the concern in Bettes expression but her eyes remain closed Baby please

Knowing that shes acting like a child Tina caves in, lifting her head and opening her eyes she finds Bette front and center. Bettes eyes hold her own in a way that renders her powerless to look away.

Please dont go into hiding Bettes voice is filled with concern Weve come so far in the last few weeks. Please dont shut down on me

God, I never meant to get so Tinas voice trails off out of control She raises a hand to her forehand and it rests there, trying to alleviate the pounding in her skull

Theres no harm done Bette does her best to reassure her partner

No, I guess the only thing bruised is my ego

Are you still mad at me? Bette asks quickly, desperate to know despite her fears

No, I was just drunk The reply is small but Bette knows its true and her relief is instantaneous. Tina notices the effect her reply has Were you really that worried?

I didnt know what to think Bette sighs as she reaches out to brush Tinas cheek with the back of her fingers You were so angry Tina takes Bettes hand in hers and lays the palm flat against her cheek, covering it with her own.

I was so scared Tina wills herself not break eye contact When I saw her I was angry but more than that, I was overcome with fear

Youre afraid of her? Bette questions, surprised at this revelation

I was afraid of you being so close to her. Afraid of what you might feelthat you might still want her Tinas head drops instinctively, bracing herself for the worst. The rest of the evenings events fall into place for Bette. The catalyst for Tinas actions is exposed in that moment. She reclaims her hand shifts it to Tinas chin, gently pushing until their eyes meet.

No Bettes reply is definite I want you. You and no other Bettes heart breaks as she realizes just how fragile Tinas self-confidence is Baby, Im so sorry for letting you down. Id give anything to take it back. Anything so you could feel secure in my love for you

Im still so scared Bette Tina confesses, tears filling her eyes Theres something in me that refuses to trust that you still love me. Its there in the back of my mind watching everything that you do or say, looking for signs. Every time you get frustrated or angry with me, I wonder if this is it, this is when youre going to leave me Bette gathers her fragile lover into a tight embrace, resting Tinas head under her chin. She feels Tina begin to shake as she cries silently in her arms.

I love you Bette whispers these three words over and over again until she can feel Tina relax against her Im not going to leave you. You are my home, you are my life. I love you, I want you, I choose you. Please Babyplease try to believe me when I tell you that Bette gently kisses the top of Tinas head

Ill try Tinas reply is so delicate that it threatens to break Bettes heart once more

And Im going to do everything I can to earn your trust again

I need you to tell me. You cant rely on the fact that I just know implicitly how you feel anymore Tina draws back and wipes her eyes before glancing sheepishly at Bette

I will, I promise Bette runs a hand through Tinas hair. Tina rests her head just below Bettes shoulder, closing her eyes she focuses on the steady beat of Bettes heart. The anxiety begins to melt away as Bettes fingers gently stroke her hair. Her soul focus is Bette, her heart beat, the smell of her skin, the rise and fall of her chest as she takes each breath. They lay in complete silence for minutes, it could have been two or twenty, Tina couldnt be sure. It was the feeling of Bettes body suddenly becoming rigid that disturbed her reverie. It only lasted for a second but the rapid increase in her heart rate was not so easy for Bette to control.

What is it? Tina questions softly, staying still she feels Bette take a deep breath and swallow hard. Her mind had wandered back to last nights morbid fantasy of Tina with the faceless woman. As soon as it appeared she chased it away but in that second she had reacted and was now faltering.

You know that I still want you, right? Bette begins, her heart now beating furiously, no small thanks to the fact that Tina is obviously aware of her sudden uneasiness I meanlast night what you said, that thing about being my roommate

Bette, relax Tina runs a hand across Bettes stomach in an effort to settle her nerves It feels like youre about to go into cardiac arrest Bette laughs in agreement which helps calm her a little

I just didnt want to pressure you into anything Bette continues, her heart rate slowly getting back to a reasonable pace I thought that maybe it would take some time before youd want to be with me. I never meant to make you feel like I didnt want you anymore

Its OK Tina does her best to reassure Its fine Bette shakes her head.

I didnt know how youd feel about being with me after the last time Bette whispers, she feels Tina tense up and knows that, despite what Tina just said, its anything but fine. The silence is deafening and Bette swears that she can feel Tina slipping away, sliding back to that place where she is emotionally inaccessible T she prompts

Im so ashamed of myself Is the whispered reply

Dont be Bette implores

I hit you Bette, I raised my hand against you in anger and it makes me sick to think that I have it in me to do that Bette feels Tinas head press deeper into her skin as though she needs to be protected, Bette instinctively holds her tightly.

Baby, Im sure you havent forgotten what I did to you after that

You wouldnt have hurt me Tina affirms I know that you never would have forced me

You have no idea what a relief it is to hear you say that Bette whispers, suddenly lighter now that the weight has been lifted from her Ive been so worried. Worried that you might be afraid of what Im capable of, how I might harm you. I was just so desperate to calm you down, I just wanted you to listen, thats all I swear

I know, Baby Tina replies quietly Weve never been like that with each other

Ive done some really stupid things lately and its all been out of fear. Fear of failing you, fear of losing you, fear of pressuring you

Weve gotta talk more. Weve gotta spend more time like this. If we dont Tina stops but Bette is already ahead of her

Were going to end up right back at that night all over again Bette admits sadly I know. Do you think that we need to get help?

No Tina slowly lifts her head to look at Bette I think we need to help each other. We need to take time to listen, take time just for us. No work, no friends, no family

No Foxworthy Bette raises an eyebrow

No Foxworthy, I promise Tina smiles, laying her head back in its resting place, wrapping an arm around Bettes waist Just us

TBC