“I was weak”

Bette swallowed back her tears. She opened her mouth to speak but thought the better of it but it didn’t take long before her impulse to speak her mind won out again.

“You know when we first started dating I was so scared of hurting you. You seemed so delicate and I always felt like you needed to be sustained. Yet in all the years since, each time I reach the point of absolute exhaustion you are there to pick me up and carry on for the both of us. I thought I was strong T, I thought I was tough but I know that you are so much stronger. I’m the idiot who couldn’t understand that it’s not a weakness to need someone. Don’t make that mistake” Bette shook her head sadly

“Needing you makes me so vulnerable and that, without fail, ends in pain. I’m tired of dealing with the pain that comes from loving you. If I don’t need you, then you can never hurt me like this again”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this!”

“Believe what you want, Bette. I’ll come back later to pick-up my stuff”

Tina’s expression confirmed her words. She had successfully shut down her emotions and wanted to leave before they had the chance to revolt. Bette on the other hand was stunned, it was Tina standing there but her words and actions were those of a stranger.

“Why are you doing this T? Please don’t leave” Bette implored

 After a seconds’ pause Tina moved towards the bedroom door.

“Wait” Bette commanded

Tina stopped, her shoulders rising in irritation at the tone in Bette’s voice. She did not turn around, leaving Bette to speak to her back.

“I have something to give you” Bette softened her tone

“I’ll pick it up with the rest of my stuff” Tina’s reply was impatient

“I need you to take it now, it’s in the kitchen”

Tina continued out the door with Bette not far behind. Bette picked up a large yellow envelope of the dining table and handed it to Tina.

“My future is in your hands, T”

“I don’t want it” Tina’s irritation was obvious.

“You made me promise that I wouldn’t be here this morning, when we both know it was the only place I wanted to be. As hard as it was I did that for you. I need you to promise me that you will read what’s in that envelope and you need to do it before Friday.”

“Fine Bette, whatever” Tina sighed “Can I go now?”

“Whatever you want”

Without another word Tina turned and left Bette to an empty house and her ever-present regrets. Still, in spite of it all, Bette managed a smile as she re-visited the memory of holding Tina. While her words were saying one thing Tina’s body sold her out. Her need for comfort irrefutable and no words would convince Bette otherwise.

“This is getting old really fast” Bette mumbled to the four walls “What is it going to take?”

Bette walked back down the hall to the bedroom. She picked up the shoebox from the floor and sat down on the bed peering at its contents. It was tempting to pick out a letter at random and read all the loving words she had for Tina at that time. It was clear that Tina was still moved by those letters and that they were helping her to remember the love despite all Bette’s recent mistakes. Bette hoped that the letter Tina had with her now would bring her another step closer to home. She placed the lid back on the box and put it beside her.

The last rays of the afternoon sun shimmered across the room and something bright caught her eye. Bette reached out and picked Tina’s ring up off the comforter. She recalled the moment that she reached out with trembling hands and placed it so carefully on Tina’s finger. Reveling in the knowledge that Tina has just agreed to love her for the rest of her life, what an exquisite feeling it was. Tears stained Bette’s face just as they had on that warm summer evening so many years ago. She forced the memory out of her mind wondering briefly what the ring was doing on the bed before returning it to her bedside table.

TBC