Dana looked around her apartment. She could only describe it with one word, messy. She had basically dug all the items out from the living room, store room and bed room, be it under the bed, drawers or in the closet. Well she was actually looking for a torch light after the blackout but in the process she managed to find her diaries, her tennis racquets, photo albums and hidden CDs and DVDs. After getting the electricity back, she managed to read all her diaries, well seven altogether started with the day she met with a certain journalist until the day she went into the operation room. And the last one led to the letters and cards she had written to some of her friends. She had repeated the diaries and letters over and over again and cried every time she did it. She had no idea that she was that in love with this person that she had made a decision to leave her when she discovered she had cancer. She had no idea that she was going to even propose to the person before the cancer sent her world tumbling down.

But there was one problem. After looking at the diaries, photos, letters and cards she still couldn’t recall any single thing about them. Yes, she finally got to know how she met with her friends, how they would support her in her matches, how they used to goof around the Planet and Milk and by looking at the photos she knew that they were the best friends she ever had, but that’s all she knew. Only the surface. Nothing else. She hated to think that way but it was just like she was reading some novels that always made her cried.

How pathetic is that? She thought.

She leaned onto the couch and sighed. Five days went by and she still didn’t know what to do. Do I still want to know about my past? It is worth to look backwards? Or I should move forward and carry on with my life without them? Well I’ve been doing that for four years now I could just pack and go back to Missouri no one knows. Its ok I can go on I am doing fine there… She stopped abruptly and contemplated the next word. But some thing is missing, she whispered to herself.