You’re Still Here

Bette sat for a long time trying to digest the question. Looking into Angelica’s eyes she noticed the same sad expression she saw on her own face at times.

            “What has your mother told you about the situation?” Bette asked as she ran her fingers through her hair.

            “Not a lot.” Angelica admitted. Bette nodded.

            “Before you were born your mother and myself tried having a baby. She miscarried soon after.” Bette paused to gather her thoughts as Angelica sat patiently knowing just how hard this must be for Bette. “After the miscarriage your mother became depressed. She wouldn’t talk to me nor would she even touch me. For a long time this went on and I made a very big mistake. I had an affair.” Angelica sat with a soft expression on her face as Bette looked at her for a reaction, anger or anything which never appeared. “Soon after the affair your mother found out and we got a divorce. Meanwhile you, my angel, were in your mommy’s tummy. And I had no idea. I tried everything possible to get your mother back but nothing. She was dating your Auntie Helena and it was actually Helena who informed me accidentally that momma T was pregnant with you. After you were born me and your mom got back together but it wasn’t the same. The love and the tenderness wasn’t there anymore. I got fired from my job at the C.A.C. and your mom got hired by Helena at the studio. I felt like she was punishing me. And it hurt very very much. No words could even describe it. Then she began to have feelings for men again. She left me for a guy named Henry. Soon after I was told that she was having an affair with him. My life went down hill. Yes I was working again, I was dean of the arts department at UCLA. I was trying to see you whenever Tina would let me. I felt like I was being forced out of the picture and Tina was still punishing me.” Bette stopped for a moment before she continued. “ Then other events happened and Shane was getting married to a woman named Carmen. At that time me and your mom were speaking and it felt better. We got along for your sake and before you know it I was going to fight for your custody and the papers were sent by accident after I told my lawyer that everything was fine, Tina got the papers and threatened to take you away from me so that night I took you for a long ride trying to figure out what to do. Took you back to Tina and Henry, got into it with them both and your mother told me it would just be better if I left. She said other things that night too and they really really stung. She said how many more lives do you need to ruin before you figure it out that I don’t love you. So with that I left. I didn’t want to go Angie, I felt like I had to. I didn’t want to hurt you or your mom anymore. So I left. And I thought about you both every single day. I have loved you like my own since you were born and I love you mother more than I can describe.”