Ashley:

Oh, yes, my friends.

Life is good.

There I was in the middle of the crowded dance floor in the middle of the crowded club using all five years of the dance classes I took in case I was ever moved to do a musical.

You know, it happens.

But I was alone? No. Not at all.

In front of me—and sometimes behind me—and sometimes sort of on top of me if that’s even possible, was a gorgeous blonde whose name I couldn’t quite remember all the time. But that’s not important, is it? What’s in a name, really? Would a rose by any other name still get wasted and grind her ass into me while screaming the lyrics of mindless pop music?

God, I hope so.

And luckily this gorgeous blonde had a friend so I didn’t even have to worry about Aiden, who usually clung to me like a five year-old on their first day of kindergarten. I mean, this guy is gorgeous. He’s done runway modeling for the past two years in places like Paris and Milan and graced those homoerotic covers of Abercrombie and still the guy’s terrified of girls. Like, really terrified.

But as I struggled with my urge to just fuck this extraordinary blonde right there in front of everyone, Aiden was dancing sweetly with his own gorgeous new friend. I was proud of the guy. I mean, I would have been prouder if he didn’t look like he was at the junior high spring dance, but baby steps. You know, it’s all about the baby steps.

“I need another drink,” the blonde said, leaning in to whisper the words directly in my ear, “do you want anything?”

But she was already walking towards the bar.

“Spencer! I’ll come with you!” her friend said, following quickly behind her.

Ah, that’s right. Spencer.

“I like her, dude. Like, a lot,” Aiden said with an excited smile.

“What’s her name?”

“Chelsea, and she’s amazing.”

“Are you going to fuck her or what?” I ask as I walk over to our table.

“Ash! For Christ’s sake! Why do you have to be like that? Why do you have to be so vulgar?”

“Because you’re not going to marry the girl, ok? You don’t even know her. Not to mention the fact that both of these chicks are wasted, and you know what, Tiger Beat? So are we.”