Ashley sat in the rain for so long she had lost all concept of time.  The feeling of the cold raindrops against her had made her numb.  She knew it was late and it was dangerous to be out alone, but she didn’t care, she felt so worthless, and that she didn’t deserve to have anyone care, not even herself.  By the time she had gotten up and trudged her way to her apartment, it seemed like hours had passed.

When she entered the warm apartment, she started shivering even more.  Ashley wasn’t shaking from the cold of the rain, she was shaking from the cold within her…it was creeping closer and closer to her heart with every moment that passed.  Something inside her, told her to get the wet clothing off before she got sick.  She peeled the clothes off her quivering form and pulled boxers and a ribbed vest on her.  These would soon become soaked with her tears anyways.

Ashley was crying thinking about Spencer crying and having no one there to comfort her.  She needed to forget it all, it was ripping her apart.  Ashley’s mind wandered to the heroin in the back of her drawer that she had kept there and was too weak to throw away.  It had always made her feel so warm when it rushed through her veins.  She got up with shaking hands and opened her bottom drawer.  She knew exactly where it was, and where the needles were, and how easy it was for her to let it make her feel better…for it to hold her, and comfort her and let her forget everything, and make the cold go away. 

“No, Ashley, the heroin doesn’t do those things, it’s what you want it to do, but it can’t do those things for you, it isn’t Spencer, it can’t make you feel better the way she does, it can’t hold you, or comfort you, and it won’t make the pain go away.” Her conscience said to her.

“But I can’t have Spencer!!” another voice in Ashley’s head replied as Ashley stared at the needle, with tired eyes.  She ripped a strip of cloth from a pillowcase and tied it tight around her arm.  Then she picked up the needle with trembling fingers.