“If you do this, you won’t ever have Spencer, never again, Ashley, never again,……you won’t even have yourself.” Her conscience warned her one last time.

Those words hit her hard, because of how true they were.  Heroin had caused the problem in the first place.  She knew that it would only take one time, only one hit, to send her spiraling back down the path of self-destruction, and didn’t think she had the strength to pull herself out of it a second time. She knew she didn’t. 

Ashley swallowed deep and threw the needle against her wall.  Then she sank down onto the ground holding herself.  She would not lose herself ever again.  She needed to feel the pain; she needed it to run through her veins, she needed to live the pain- so that she could eventually forgive herself for hurting Spencer.

Sleep didn’t come to her and she lay on the ground listening to the rainfall beat against her window. 

Some time later, she heard loud knocking on her door…fuck, her rent had been due for a week and the landlord had come when he knew she’d be home, he’d done it before.  She didn’t want any trouble from him, she knew he had a copy of the key so she mustered all her strength and grabbed the money from her drawer.  She knew she looked like hell, but he wouldn’t care once he got his money. He knocked again. 

“Ok, Mr. Chan, fuck, I’m coming, I’m coming.” She said too tired for this.

She walked to the door and unlocked it.

“Here’s your money, Mr. Cha-” She said as she was opening the door but stopped when she saw who was standing out there.  Ashley’s heart suddenly jolted.

Spencer was standing out there dripping wet with swollen red eyes and staring at Ashley fearfully.

“Spence?” Ashley said wondering what she was doing here. It would be too cruel to allow herself to hope for anything.

“Ashley…” Spencer said standing there looking lost in her tears. The blonde started trembling.

“Ashley, I’m so sorry- I’m so sorry I acted the way I did, I don’t know why I said those things to you, I didn’t mean them…I could never hate you, I love you so much, so much more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and your past- it doesn’t mean anything, I love the person you are now, and I even love the person you were then because it made you who you are today.  I’m sorry that I let myself say those cruel things to you and I know I hurt you so much.  I understand why you kept that part of your past a secret because it’s completely irrelevant when it comes to how I feel about you…and I think I was just afraid to get closer to you, because  you aren’t the messed up one Ash, I am.  I feel so much for you and it scares me, it scares me how much I want you, how much I need you, how much I…” Spencer’s rambling was cut off by Ashley’s lips.