I was listening to my iPod nano in my room. It was funny how my taste in music has drastically changed after I kissed Ashley the other day. It was more on the emotional side than what I was used to hearing. “Spencer, dinner!” my Mom called. I shut off my iPod and went downstairs. My Mom made sure we had one meal together to catch up with one another due to her hectic work schedule at the hospital. It was her way to ask about my love life or lack thereof that she thought I have been hiding from her. I kissed my friend who happened to be a girl and now she wants nothing to do with me. Like I wasn’t going to tell her that? No way, no how, some things are better left unsaid.

A few minutes later, we were eating dinner in the kitchen. It was roasted chicken with mashed potatoes. Usually it was one of my favorite meals that Mom cooked, but not tonight though. I really lost my appetite in the last couple of days. I missed Ashley so much. My Mom noticed my behavior. “What’s wrong, honey?” asked my Mom with concern.

“Nothing,” I answered with a sigh. I heard from someone once that you cough to clear your throat, but you sigh in order to clear your heart. I didn’t understand what it meant at the time, but I do know what it means now. Ashley wouldn’t return any of my phone calls ever since I kissed her. She has avoided at me school and won’t even look at my direction. It seemed like she almost dropped off the face of the planet.

I didn’t know which one was easier for me. Having Ashley hate me since I kissed her the other night or Ashley still considering me as another sister? We hadn’t talked in about five days, which was almost like a record for her. She didn’t even call me for homework help since she couldn’t afford a failing grade for her Algebra class. “It doesn’t sound like a nothing to me,” my Mom pointed out. “Why don’t we talk anymore?”

One of the problems I was having lately was that someone wants everything from me. My Mom wanted us to have the mother/daughter relationship like Lorelai and Rory had from Gilmore Girls that we used to have. Ashley wanted me around only for homework help and a shoulder to cry on, which made me really frustrated since it was the only reason she would talk to me sometimes. Ashley’s half sister Kyla talked to me so she could complain about her ex-boyfriend Aiden and Aiden talked to me to also complain about Kyla. What did I want though? No one had ever asked me that. No one seemed to think that I needed someone to talk, to lean on, and to count on. Maybe it was because no one noticed the invisible girl. The thing that I want the most is so far beyond my reach that no matter what I do, I won’t ever being able to grasp it.