I’ve been at lincolnwood for two weeks and as homesick as I am, I like it. It’s like living on my own except I have to go to lectures on alcoholism and they make me meditate but I can get down with that. Except for that one time my teacher found out I was sleeping and made me stand, what an ass.

Me and Jessie have gotten a lot closer though she is like my female version of glen except with her by my side I get ten times as much ass than I did before. I know I probably shouldn’t be having all these random hookups but after I read the letter from ash I was sure everything I wanted to hold onto was gone.

I sat on my bed reading it again for like the 100^th time

Spencer,

I don’t even know where to start with you but I guess I just need to say everything. You really fucked up this time. I love you so much but how the hell could you do something like that? All you do is drink til your fucking kidneys give out and when I try to help you get back at me by having random ass hook ups? I’m not your fucking punching bag and at one point I was your best friend. What happened to the little girl in blonde pig tails who used to be afraid of everything. What’s so different now that I can’t still protect you? I know after your dad died things got fucked up with us but I tried being there Spence I really did. Me and aiden both did but you only took it as him trying to get in my pants which is really stupid but I’m going to not go there right now. Your life is seriously screwed and I don’t know how you can go on living when you murdered someone all for the sake of having one more drink. You’re 17 spence, 7 fucking teen and I know I may sound like some parent but you let me down. I don’t know if I’d be happier if you were at Lincolnwood or in jail, atleast in jail I know you wouldn’t be drinking your ass off. This letter isn’t going how I wanted it to. I really want to sit here and say that you are the only one for me and I will always be here and we can make it through anything but I can’t. I’m not here for you anymore and in the past month I realized that the love we have just isn’t going to keep going. I don’t love aiden but he gives me the stability that I need. I know when I’m with him he won’t end up dead on the side of the road having some guy scrap him up or find him in bed with Madison or some other random girl. I wanted to wait Spence, I want to but I can’t. hopefully you learn something while you are in Canada, find yourself before you join your dad, wherever he is right now. I know it’s harsh but the only time you listen is when I bitch you out so here is like my letter of resignation. I’m leaving, this is a full time job I can’t handle and when you are sober and in the right mind, come find me. I told you to write me and I still want you to, just to know you are ok but I’m not expecting much at the moment. I don’t know how to end this because I can talk forever so I’ll just say good luck and goodbye.