Chapter 51

“You’re gonna punch me huh?” Alice grinned at Bette.

“That’s what I said – I’m gonna punch you!” Bette stifled a smile.

“Pert and sassy!” Alice waited for a reaction.

“What the ***** are you talking about Alice?”

“Your nipples Porter – pert and sassy – just like I remember them!” Alice winked at Bette. “Grrrrrrr!”

Bette stared at Alice. Her upper lip curled into an evil grin. She stood up. She walked over to Alice. She went in for the kill.

“Stop it…stop it…stop tickling me Porter – or I’ll tell the wife when she gets home!” Bette continued to tickle Alice.

“Take it back – take back that pert and sassy remark hippy – or I’m gonna tickle you until you pass out. TAKE IT BACK!”

“Ok…ok…I take it back! Jeez Porter – a little protective of those PERT AND SASSY NIPPLES AREN’T WE!”

“Yeah just a tad. Please – from this day forward – will you refrain from commenting on my nipples – on my ***** – and anything else you feel tempted to voice your opinion on?” Somehow Bette knew she’d regret mentioning her *****.

Alice stared at Bette – she looked her up and down. “Nope – can’t do that!”

“You are absolutely insufferable.”

“And isn’t that exactly what you loooove about me? Come on – tell the truth. You know you love me. You know you do! Admit it…”

“Shut up! God – do you ever stop? Yes – I love you – like I love a cramp!”

“Ok -I’ll shut up. But…I need to say one more thing! You have got one tight ***** there Porter. Just like I remember it! What a beautiful ***** YOU HAVE!”

“Remember – my ***** and my nipples belong exclusively to Tina – so hands off! Please get your mind off of them too! Please! Why don’t you concentrate on Ms. Fairbanks? I’m sure you’ve become quite acquainted with her – ASSets!”

“Shut up yuppie!”

Bette smiled at Alice. “Pert and sassy! Pert and sassy!”

“What the ***** are you talking about Porter?”

“Well – Dana of course!”

“Bette – do you think you and I are ever going to grow up?”

“***** Alice – I hope not!”

“We better start some party planning or we’re going to be SO DEAD when they get back.”

Bette agreed with Alice. “Yeah – totally dead – shallow grave dead!”

Alice took aim at the pad of paper in front of her. “Ok – the music is UP TO ME!”

“Yeah – ***** music. How about decorations Alice?”

“Excuse me but – what the ***** for? Noone is going to care! Do you know what most people are going to be doing during the party?” Alice shot Bette a look that said only ‘DUH!”

“Oh now that conjures up a pretty picture in my head – women getting “busy” all over my house. Yuck!!!”

“Loosen up tight *****!”

“Anybody uses our bed – I’m shooting on sight!”

“I wouldn’t worry about that – I’m sure you and Tina will be spending your time there anyway. Do you two ever stop?”

“Shut up Alice! Hey – how about a beer – hippy?”

“Bette – it’s eleven in the morning.”

“And your point would be…what?”

“Sure why not…but just one!’

One beer turned to two. Two turned to three. Three turned to four.

Bette heard Tinas car pull into the driveway. Oh *****! Theyre back. Quick – write something down.

Tina, Dana and Jackie joined Bette and Alice. Tina saw the empty beer bottles. She picked up the pad of paper. Oh – this is good you guys! She shot both of them a disgusted look. Music – no decorations – food – alcohol Thats it! Two hours and thats it?

Bette struggled to find her voice, UhhhhhhhhBaby..I.uhhhh! Im screwed – right?

Tina motioned for Bette to come with her into the bedroom. Alice was left to Dana.

Jackie stood watching and smiled. Dead – you two are so dead!

TBC