Tina, through her teary eyes could see that Bette was still talking with her, words dancing in front of her wanted to be read.

Tina. There is so much more Id like to say, there is so much more Id love to do for you but I know I dont have the right to expect anything from you.

I know I can ask for nothing but I do. I need to find myself, I need to know whats wrong with me, I need to understand how could I hurt you, my most precious everything. I need to know when I lost myself, my love, my life. I need to find out because I need you in my life. I know is probably too much to ask for forgiveness but I know your big heart and your even bigger soul. I know you will forgive me because I know you cant live without doing so.
I m praying for you to be able one day of loving me again, as I know I love you more now than ever. Is true what they say that you dont really know what you have until you lose it. I love you Tee and will give my life for you to love me back. We will need time and lots of luck but if at the end of the road you cant love as I love you, is ok. I just need to know that you are there, as a friend if thats all you can give me. Your friendship I am sure is enough for me to be able to live. Just knowing that you know about me, that am one of the lucky ones to have your care, your love, that Id be one of the lucky ones to enjoy your endless generosity, your timeless joy and your infinite smile.

Thats all I ask for, I ask for you. Im asking for the right to know that you are there, somewhere. I need to be in your future, as I know am right now in your present.

And is because of all that, that am leaving. Im leaving Tee. But I will be back, I promise. You can believe me because am doing this promise wearing that robe, holding your hand.

Im leaving to pay my debts,to find you.
As you are reading this am probably on the plane, on my way to India. India? I know babeam no crazyIndia is the result of watching tv during the day. You know how little I watch tv, and day time tv is even worst, but for once it offered me something good. There was something on tv that showed me what I need to do. There was this movie on tv about Mother Teresa. I know babe, what the ***** do I care about religion?, but this is not that. Ive done some research, am not going nuts I thought I was but not anymore Her work there is not about religion, its about help. Unselfish help. And for me, the most selfish person I know, I think is what I need.
I need to learn the meaning of what you do so easily and that is so difficult for me. I need to be able to do it, I want to do it for others, again the selfish in me am doing this for me, but then I truly hope to help others while learning. Its helping those who have nothing, the poorest of the poor.

It wont be long, a month, maybe a bit more if I can stand it. Alice doesnt know about it, neither does Shane, please tell them how much I love them, Dane too, give her a kiss from me, you know how to do that.you do it so easily, showing love for the ones you care, you make everything easy. I need to learn how to do that, or at least try. I know Id learn from you but I need to do it away from you.

You can open the little box now its my old diary. Ive been re reading it and I want you to keep it. If you find yourself thinking about me, just open it and pick a random page you wont be disappoint. There is a woman there I like, and is not you, You, I LOVE, but the other woman there, is somebody I hardly recognize, but I see the resemblance, Its me, its the old me, its the me in your eyes I want to be that person again Tee and I hope you will be able to think about me as the person I once was.

I just want to thank you for being still here with me, for reading this, for giving me the chance to try, to try to express what I feel and what am going to do, I could not leave without saying you all this, life is precious and Ive wasted enough of mine doing the wrong things, choosing the easy pathsI wont do it anymore.

I love you Tina, with all my heart, my soul and my body.
Shane, Yoda as the always clever Al pointed once, said something the other day that I think is true,

You are my sun, am just a lost moon looking for the light I need to live, to survive. Without you am cold, lost, useless. You give me hope, light, you warm me inside and let me illuminate the ones I love. Without you I dont know how to love, how to live or even how to breath.

Hoping for you, loving you I have to say a sweet, see you soon Bug.
I love you,
b.

Ps, the other envelope is for Al give her a tight hug from me, tell her that her sweet kiss still illuminates my thoughts and caresses my heart. Shane, I dont think she expects anything from me, not even a hi or a good bye, but please just let her know that sometimes the ones that love you more, sometimes make you cry and that she is the best shoulder Ive ever had (not counting yours bug).



When Alice arrived at home to pick Tina up she could not find her. She saw the opened envelope on her bedroom floor. She didnt touch it, just walked around the apartment calling Tinas name.

Alice tried calling her cell, was getting worried with each beep with no answer, she was pacing up and down the room when she saw the post it on the fridge;

Al, am ok just need to do something right now, have to run will be right back there is something for you on the bed. Love you T.