RING RING RING

Bette Porter.

Hey Bette.

Hey Alice. Whats up?

Nothing. Just wondering if you had time to have lunch with an ex of yours who you seem to have forgotten about.

What? Who?

Me dumbass. Remember? Meyour friendyour BEST friend?

Oh yeah sorry Al. UmIm not sure how-

Look I know youre busy Bette, but I also know you can spare one hourcome onmy treat?

Fine. What time?

One oclock at the Planet?

Okay. See you then Alice. Bye.

Bette hung up and sighed softly as she sat back in her chair. It had been two weeks since Tina had returned from her six-month hiatus with her film and it had been a very tiring and emotionally draining and confusing two weeks. Bette was still unsure of how Tina was feeling about everything and after what Tina had said that night about wanting to take time apart, well Bette was beside herself with fear and anger. She was afraid that if she did give Tina the time she needed to figure things out, that Tina would realize that maybe she didnt need Bette in her life as much as Bette needed her and she would break up with her completely, although in retrospect, Bette knew this would never happen. But she was angry with Tina as well for bringing this up out of nowhere and after the weekend they spent in New York, Bette thought they had reconnected, but apparently she was wrong. Bette couldnt understand why Tina was feeling so neglected in this relationship and Bette thought nothing was wrong with their current situation but if Tina was feeling like there was then Bette was willing to at least try and examine what was wrong with it. Unfortunately Tina was not being all that responsive to Bettes roundabout way of trying to handle the situation and it seemed to make things worse between them.

Bette felt like she didnt know how to act around Tina and Tina was making it difficult for her since she was still upset with Bette for dancing with Sasha at the club that night. That was the only thing Bette was sure of and it was driving Bette crazy. Tina had decided that she agreed with Bette and that they could work through this, but Bette felt like Tina really hadnt been making an effort. They still saw each other daily, but the distance between them was so obvious Bette could almost see it. Bette had tried to talk to Tina about it once but that only resulted in them fighting again and Bette didnt have the energy to keep doing this with her day after day so she let it go figuring that Tina would talk to her when she was ready. Tina was also withholding any type of physical contact between them outside of kissing and cuddling and this was also making Bette very irritable. It was killing her to kiss Tina or hold her close as they fell asleep only to have her advances denied with a gentle no from Tina and Bette wondered if this was part of Tinas punishment for seeing her with Sasha. A couple of days ago Bette had about enough of Tinas games and she told Tina that this was unfair punishment and that if she was doing this just to prove her point that Bette got it, but that only made Tina mad and she ended up not spending the night, leaving Bette to resort to having to relieve her own stress manually. Bette glanced at her watch and saw that it was twelve thirty so she decided to just leave now and meet up with Alice hoping that she could take her mind off of Tina and their ridiculously stagnant relationship.

*********
Tina walked into the restaurant and looked around before she spotted the table and quickly walked over to sit down. After giving the other occupant a kiss on the cheek she sat down and a waiter appeared to take her drink order. After placing both her drink and lunch order the waiter left Tina and her companion alone and Tina took a deep breath before giving the woman across from her a small smile and started speaking.

Thanks for coming Mimi.

No problem Tina. Whats up? You sounded a little stressed in the message.

Tina had spent the past two weeks trying to figure out what was going on with her and Bette and why she was feeling so detached from the woman she loved so much and Tina came up with absolutely nothing. She couldnt see any reason for her to feel so distant from Bette and she knew Bette loved her very much, but for some reason she didnt feel comfortable in her own skin these days. Tina knew she was making things hard on Bette and she knew that she should be more open with her feelings, but she needed to figure out what those feelings were before she shared them with Bette. Tina had spent many nights lying beside Bette watching her sleep and holding back the tears of confusion and uncertainty that seemed to always want to fall. Tina would watch Bettes even breathing and feel her soft breath on her cheek and a familiar calm would wash over her only to be destroyed in the morning when Bette was awake. Tina didnt know if this was just a reaction to Bettes role in her life right now or if it was something more.

Tina did know that part of the reason that she was being so withdrawn from Bette was because she had seen her at the club holding someone else in her arms and laughing with her like she only did with Tina. She had felt the rage of jealousy coarse through her body and Tina was tired of it. Tina had always believed that over jealous people were only like that because they were either unsure of the relationship or unsure of their partners feelings for them and Tina had never doubted either until now. Tina would never doubt that Bette loved her, but Tina wasnt so sure she could say the same about their relationship. They had their ups and downs like any other couple, but lately they had been having more downs than ups, and when Tina had so much time to herself these past few months she came to realize that being away from Bette that long was killing her but not in the way she expected. Sure Tina missed seeing Bette every day and hearing her voice and holding her as she fell asleepbut that was about it. Tina wasnt feeling the overwhelming surge of love and security that Bette used to provide and it was troubling her. Tina saw the uncertainty in Bettes eyes when she looked at her and felt the hesitation in Bettes grasp when she held her and this was making Tina more and more upset as the days went by. Tina hated the fact that Bettes first reaction to a situation like this was to put up her walls and Tina was tired of having to fight so hard to break them down time and time again. She knew she loved Bette with all her being, but she just didnt feel the same love from Bette as she used to. Tina had driven her self-crazy these past few weeks and after some indecision she finally called Mimi and left her a message asking her to meet for lunch. She needed to talk to someone who understood Bette and their relationship but she felt that Alice would only try and make her feel better whereas Mimi would tell it to her like it was. Tina knew she was taking a chance by talking to one of Bettes closest friends about this, but she was out of ideas and she knew she wouldnt be able to figure this one out on her own.

Yeahyou could say Ive been a little stressed these past few days.

Why? Whats wrong Tina?

Wellokay before I say anything can I just ask you one thing?

Sure.

How do you do it?

Do what?

You and Ivyhow do you make it look so easy?

Mimi laughed and Tina looked at her like she was crazy. Mimi immediately understood what Tina was talking about and after seeing the look on Tinas face she decided to give her some unsolicited advice with hopes that Tina would understand.

Its really not that easy Tina. No relationship is void of problems and rough times but you get through it and move on and hope that you can do all that together. Ivy and I have been together for almost three years now and she will agree that they have been a very trying three yearsbut theyve also been three very great ones too. Its all about learning each other and learning how to compromise without actually compromising anything.

Im sorryI dont understand.

Its like a game almost. You learn the ruleslearn each others strengths and weaknesses and learn how to work together to create the best result without changing any of the players.

Okay Mimi stop with the analogiesor this could take a lot longer than either of us has time for.

Mimi laughed softly again and she looked at Tina with warm eyes before continuing.

Tinano matter what I tell you its really not applicable to your relationship with Bette. No two relationships are alike and no two situations within a relationship are alike either. My guess is you are having problems with Bette right?

Tina looked down and started playing with her napkin. When she spoke her voice was soft and low and she finally looked up before answering.

Yeah.

And you think that if you talk to me you will somehow find and answer to your problems right? Well Ill let you in on a little secretno matter how many opinions you get about whatever is going on between you two, the only person you need to be talking to about this with is Bette. No one else matters.

But thats just it MimiI dont know how to talk to her.

Youve been together almost a year and a half and you dont know how to talk to her? I dont think so Tina.

Well I mean I know how to talk to her but I dont know if she wants to talk.

Have you tried?

Yeahwell sort of. Okay maybe once.

Tinayou need to talk to her. Its the only way to make it work.

Thats just it. Work. You and Ivy dont make it look like work. You make it look so easy. With Bette I feel like Im fighting a losing battle day in and day out.

Ivy and I definitely do not have it easy. We fight just like everyone else and we hold stupid grudges just like everyone else and we make mistakes just like everyone else. But we also deal with our problems as they occur and try as best we can to be open with one another when things are bothering us so that we dont let them fester. Remember that night when you first met us? Well we were fighting that day and let me tell you it was not a small fight. But we held it together because Bette was so excited for us to meet you and the next day we yelled at each other until we both understood why we were mad then we got over it. Its a lot of work but we both know we have to put it in otherwise it will just fall apart.

But why should it be so much work? I mean why cant things just be easy?

Because then they wouldnt be any fun. Come on Tinawhat is really bothering you?

I dont know. I feel likeI dont know.

Is this about seeing Bette that night dancing with that woman? Because believe me if it was she is very sorry about that.

I know. And I know I shouldnt be bothered by it but I am. And I told her that already. Its not thatI cant really tell what it is but something has just been getting to me lately.

Do you still love her?

Yes. Very much.

And does she love you?

Yes.

Then what is it? Because thats all that matters Tina.

But what if it isnt enough. What if being in love and loving someone arent enough?

Tina so what if its not? Love is the only emotion you cannot fake and the only emotion you cant deny. If you two know that you love each other and trust that lovethen I dont think there is anything you cant at least try and work out.

We are trying.

Then why are you sitting here with me?

Tina didnt have and answer and she was saved as their food arrived at that moment. Tina looked at Mimi and she halfheartedly smiled as they started eating. She changed the subject because she didnt want to continue this line of conversation as it was making her uneasy, but she knew deep down that Mimi was right. Damn I forgot how smart she is, thought Tina as she finished her salad and her conversation with Mimi. Tina left to head back to her office and she let her conversation with Mimi play over and over again in her head. She understood what Mimi was saying about needing to talk to Bette and trying to make this work with her, but Tina felt like once again she was the one who had to bend to get Bette to see things her way. Tina thought about everything she had been through with Bette, the ups and downs, the good times and the bad ones, and she knew more than anything she just wanted some sort of sign from Bette that she was just as concerned about things as she was. Tina didnt know how Bette felt, but that was mainly due to the fact that she wouldnt talk, and Tina knew that if she was going to give this a shot she might as well dive in head first because if what Mimi said was true and love was all you needed, then they could get through this. Tina shook her head as she drove and tried to figure out what to do. She knew she needed to talk to Bette and she knew that she had to get Bette to understand how she was truly feelingbut what if it wasnt enough? What if after everything that had happened and after everything they had been through it simply wasnt enough? Because as the song goesbaby sometimes love just aint enough.