Alice and Bette stare intently at one another across the expanse of the table. Bette dangles her glass near her mouth but does not drink, just watches Alice over the rim, waiting for her surrender.

Alice flashes Bette a defiant glare, You know what Porter, Im not afraid of you. You cant possibly have anything on me that this group hasnt already heard. Taking a sip of her drink she smirks into the glass while she thinks to herself, *****, I cant run scared now, but what the ***** is she talking about? What could she have on me? Think Alice, THINK, what sort of ***** have you pulled that she might be thinking about?

Raising her brow at Bette, Well Ms. Porter, were you just bluffing or what?

All eyes at the table dart between the two ladies. Its as if theyve paced off and turned, the crowd has pulled back to a safe distance and watches with terror filled curiosity for the duel to proceed.

Al, before you challenge me – make sure you remember who youre dealing with. Be sure before you decide to take me on. Bette winks at Alice and blows a kiss over her glass.

Okay Porter, no doubt Ive done a few things that maybe havent been of sound mind, but as I recall, youve got a few ghosts in your closet as well. Glancing around the table making eye contact with each bystander, Maybe youd like to hear a few Bette Porter stories.

Bette tosses her head back and laughs heartily, Youve got to be kidding me Alice. Okay, you know what; Im going to give you a break because youve obviously had more to drink than I originally thought. Youre not thinking clearly because Im sure you wouldnt really want me to openly discuss this story – especially here. So lets just drop it. Okay, its been fun, but Ill stop this right here.

So what, now Im a drunk? Is that it Porter, you calling me a lush? Bring it on baby, lets hear what you have. Im calling your bluff; Im saying you got nothin, nada, zilch, zero, nulla, diddly-freakin-squat baby! Alice gestures around the table for support, What do you think girls, should Ms. Prim and Proper Porter share her story with the class.

Alice leans across the table, Well?

Bette eyes the crowd, Okay, you guys are witnesses, so tomorrow when shes pissed at me, please remind her she insisted I do this.

Before Bette could go on, Hang on Bette. Shane pulls herself up close, setting her beer bottle on the table. Alice seems to believe shes got some dirt on you too. So I wonder if Alice would be willing to share her story first.

Dana jumps in, No! shes shocked at her own response, but damn-it, sometimes Alice just deserves to have her wings clipped, Hey, Alice started this. I think its only fair that Bette tells her story first – shes been challenged.

Bette peruses the table; not finding any objections decides to continue, Okay. Alice, I just want you to know that I love you very much, but you brought this on yourself.

Okay, it was about four years ago, Alice and I had recently stopped dating and she was out carousing one night…

Alice indignantly yelps, Oh ***** no! I do not carouse. I think thats a little harsh Porter, Scanning the table, Has anyone here ever seen me carouse? I do not carouse, I socialize. Dana and Tina give Alice a knowing look and Dana lifts her glass, Cheers Al. Looking for support Alice shoots a side glance toward Shane, who shakes her head and winks, Sorry Al, cheers. With that the girls breaks into giggles as Alice falls back into her seat defeated, but still mumbling under her breath, I DO NOT carouse!

Fine, whatever, scratch carouse. She was out socializing. Bette winks at Alice before continuing, I was working late, and got a phone call from Ivy who had seen Alice do about a half dozen social body shots with some woman that Ivy had never seen before. Ivy had attempted to stop her from drinking anything else but as we all know, you cant tell Alice anything – especially when shes socializing. So she thought I should come to the club to check on her to make sure she was okay. When I get here, Ivy greets me near the door and proceeds to explain that Alice has been drinking and dancing for hours, ah oh sorry, she has been socializing with some woman who is unfamiliar and now both are MIA. Bette looks over at Alice who is listening to the story with the same intensity as the others. Al, do you remember any of this? Bette questions the blonde and Alice shakes her head indicating that shes not familiar with the story. Okay, maybe I should stop then.

No! the girls around the table shout in unison. Bette looks across at Alice who nods in approval, Nope, go right ahead Porter – this story is absolutely ***** fascinating.

Okay, Directing her attention back to the table, so, I cant find her on the dance floor, but theres a pair of shoes being kicked around that look familiar. Now I figure if Alice has kicked off her shoes, shes really in bad shape. I decide to check the ladies room. As I approach others are coming out laughing and giggling. I enter the ladies room behind a few other women and immediately hear the noises Al, maybe we should just stop here. Bette looks at her desperately, but Alice is also intrigued by the story, No, no, this is sounding very interesting Porter, though I dont recall any of it, lets hear what you have to offer.

Fine, taking a deep breath, so theres all this moaning and groaning, ***** me baby, oh my God youre so ***** hot coming from the last stall. Tina and Dana begin to snicker while Shane nods her head in a yes motion and glances over at Alice. Bette continues, All the women in the bathroom are laughing and giggling when suddenly CRASH, the stall door bursts open and two half dressed bodies fall to the floor. Alices pants are around her knees, shes shoeless and her tank top is pulled up so high its hanging around her neck like a lei. The other woman, who I still to this day do not know her name, has her shirt unbuttoned, bra pushed up and pants unzipped. They were obviously very hammered because the fall never affected them. They kept pawing at each other like nothing happened. It took four of us to get these two separated and dressed, and three of us just to load Alice into my car.

Bette stops as the table has erupted into laughter, Tina and Dana are in complete hysterics, wiping tears from their eyes as Alice frantically searches her memory bank for any inkling of the incident. Shane meanwhile squints across the table at Bette, who winks at her and raises her glass to the group, and touch, there you have it. Al, are you glad you pushed me on this? Cause from what I can see at the moment, youre not looking too happy. A broad smile splays across Bettes face.

Alices eyes fix on Bettes, Bullshit Porter. That never happened. Id remember falling out of a bathroom stall half dressed. Again Dana and Tina break into deep belly laughs, while Alice shoots a hard glare in their direction.

Al, I think youre wrong here, Shane pipes up, I recall hearing Ivy talking about you getting really hammered with some fine chica one night, and Bette having to rescue you.

Bette and Shane exchange a glance across the table, while Alice stares at her glass in complete disbelief. Slowly she looks up at Bette, Okay, let me get this straight, all this happened and you never once busted my chops on it until now? Whats up with that Porter?

Dana and Tina finally regain their composure to hear Bettes reply, Because youre my friend Al. Because I love you like family. Because I didnt want you to feel humiliated. I was protecting you. But you insisted I tell the story. Remember, I wanted to stop a couple of times. Bette gets up and moves to Alice, embracing her tightly around the shoulders and planting a kiss on her head. Dana and Tina emit a collective, Ahhhh while Bette peeks over Alices head toward Shane who is staring off toward another table, trying not to show any reaction.

A slow song begins to play and Tina motions for Bette to dance with her. They make their way to the middle of the dance floor, embrace and begin to move slowly and seductively together, Bette, that was a very funny and touching story, I thought I was going to wet my pants laughing when you described Alice falling out of that stall. You really dont know who the other girl is, or are you still protecting Alices feelings?

Bette looked into Tinas eyes, then to her hair and down to her mouth, before breaking into a laugh, T, Alice is going to kick my ***** tomorrow. Shes going to call Ivy first thing in the morning and find out the entire story is bullshit! Tinas eyes bulge in complete shock, No way! Oh my God, Bette, why did you Oh my God she is going to kick your *****. Bette and Tina touch foreheads as they laugh heartily. But Tina suddenly stops and pulls back a bit, Wait a minute, but what about Shane? She played right into your hand, how did she know you were kidding?

I have no idea. But I can tell you that when I got to the sappy, I love you like family stuff Shane couldnt look at me – I think she almost lost it.

Bette and Tina arrived back at the table as a round of drinks were being delivered, a fresh glass of wine was placed in front of Bette. Alice picked up her glass, Id like to make a toast to friendship, yea, I know, its not like me to be sentimental, but Bette reminded me tonight that friendship is so important. Im happy that I can rely on my pals to take care of me when I need it. And Porter, Im sorry for busting your chops about your dirty dancing with your woman. Looking at Tina, Youre lucky to have her T – shes amazing, dont you think? Tina politely lifted her glass and smiled back to Alice, Amazing. With that Tina kicked Bette under the table, while Bette shot a wink to Shane.

*~*
After a few more dances and another round of drinks the gang called it an evening. Bette was beyond anxious to leave the club and finally get Tina where she belonged, home, behind closed doors and in her lovers arms.

The ladies said their good nights to their pals, loaded themselves up in Bettes car and headed toward their condo. Alice walked across the street to her car just a step or two behind Shane and Dana. As Shane stopped to help Dana open the door Alice walked up and slapped her hard upside the back of her head, What the *****? Shane screeched as she spun around to find Alice standing there with her hands planted firmly on her hips and glaring right at her.

Alice, have you lost your ***** mind, what the ***** was that for? Shane reached back trying to rub out the sting.

Al, oh my God, whats wrong with you? Dana turned her attention toward Shane, Why would you crack her like that? Dana began rubbing the spot for Shane.

Whats wrong with me? Alice took a step closer to Shane, still glaring intently, Hmmm let me see, Ivy has no recollection of Bettes little story SHANE. You two thought you were funny tonight didnt you – making up some crazy ***** story about me falling out of a bathroom stall with some un-named hot momma. Alice stepped closer reaching around Shane to open the door. Get in both of you. Dont ask questions or even speak at all for that matter and whatever you do, you best tighten those seat belts.

Within a few quick minutes Alice was careening down the road while Shane and Dana held on to anything they could find, Al, where are we going? My place is the other direction. Danas face paled in an instant and Alice swung the car toward the curb and stopped short.

Are you kidding me? Do you think for one minute Ms. Fairbanks that anyone is going home tonight? ***** no! Im taking revenge and youre helping me. Shane attempted to protest but stopped instantly as Alice turned a sharp glare in her direction, wagging her finger at her shaggy friend, Ah, buh buh buh! Dont you dare try to get out of this – do you have any idea how lucky you are that youre only payback is that you have to help me get back at Porter.

Alice swung the car back onto the street, kicking it into high gear. Al, Shane tried to remain calm, how did you figure it out? How did you know the story was all bullshit?

Alice glanced over at her ragged looking pal, I called Ivy from the ladies room at the club, when Batman and Robin were on the dance floor again.

Danas mouth fell open, Al, Ivys home with a newborn baby! I cant believe you would call her at this hour!

What? New mothers never sleep. Besides, this is my reputation were talking about here ladies, I cant let that little gem get tarnished now can I?

Okay, fine, Shane eases back into the seat attempting to relax a little while Alice races through the streets of West Hollywood at this wee hour, Whats your plan Al?

Ah not yet squiggy, Its all on a need to know basis and right now, you dont need to know. Unless, do either of you own a dark ski mask, you know, the kind with the eye and mouth holes?

Dana threw her hands to her face and leaned back in the seat, Oh ***** me running – this cant be good!