The last few days had been pretty good ones for Bette and Tina. They went to couples counseling and of course discussed the Shane incident and how they each reacted. Bette was still not working back at the CAC yet and she was becoming restless. She noticed Tina was so loving and attentive knowing Bette was still struggling with not working. They were both trying to show their love and appreciation for one another.

Friday morning arrived and Tina was leaving for work. Babe I dont have a full day today. I could come home early and we can go out or whatever youd like to do. What do you have planned? Well Alice has been trying to catch up with me for days now, so she should be here soon and we may get into something later. You know T Im getting restless. Tina walked over to Bette and said I know babe, but you are getting better and you should think about taking this time to find something you love doing. You are right about that T. Tina kissed Bette bye, Baby try to have a good day. I will call to check on you later and you call me if you need anything, okay? I will, see you T. As Tina was walking out Alice was walking in. Hi Tina bye Tina. Im here to keep your wife out of trouble. Yeah right, I will definitely call to check on both of you two later. Have a good day. Love you babe.

Alice: Hi Bette”I know I havent been here for a while there is so much going on. I want to know how you are.

Bette: Im okay its hard not working. I thought I would be back by now.

Alice: Things take time. You will get there, you will.

Bette winced and shook her head in doubt. Alice was glad she had come by. Bette has a way of putting up a strong faade but Alice knew as soon as she saw her. Bette was still struggling with all the obstacles she had been dealt. Bette being attacked was absolutely awful and Alice felt bad she hadnt been around more to try to help. Alice quickly shook her head as if to erase the images of Bette in the hospital.

Bette sat silent for a while. Then she took a deep breath”Alice can I tell you something? Alice replied, Anything, whats going on?

Alice, I ride by the CAC everyday, hoping that day is the day I am able to go in. I lose it, as soon as I see the parking deck. Im not sure if I will ever be able to go back there. That makes me feel so weak and helpless. The scary thing is, all this, is showing me Im not the person I thought I was, and finding out who I am, is leaving me feeling disappointed.

I thought I would never have an affair, and I did. To be honest with you, I still hate myself for doing it. I am trying to forgive myself but some days are better than others. Then to know that I may not ever be able to go back to work because I panic when I see the building, its a bit too much. Why am I so weak Al? Bette doesnt give her a chance to answer. She keeps talking and Alice doesnt want to interrupt. Shes never seen Bette like this before, open. All of this counseling it seems to help when Im there, but later I am left with my thoughts, alone, and the clarity that I think Ive obtained -it leaves me, and Im more confused than ever. Tina, T has been great but

Alice finally interjected, But what?

Bette sits up and says, I can barely take care of myself and though that may have been true before all of this happened; its painfully obvious now and I just dont know how I can take care of her. I am not the person I used to be, the person she fell in love with. I am so much less and it hurts to know that.

Alice, astonished, says with a very soft caring voice, Bette sweetie, you dont see it do you? You have survived the worst things imaginable and you are still here. I know its a clich but theres truth in it”whatever doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. Look at all you have endured, ***** overcome. You are only a victim if you make those things who you are– they arent you; they are things that happened to you. Good and bad things happen all the time; the trick is not to let the bad things kill the joy in the good things. Okay, so you wont go back to work for a while, at least not at the CAC but Bette have you gone to any museums since youve been out of work? Just to look and to be inspired? Speaking of inspiration, whens the last time you picked up your camera? You have to get reacquainted with yourself. Do the things you find joy in doing.

You are still the strongest person I know and I cant claim to understand what you are going through because I havent been there; but I can tell you, youve gone through all of this with so much grace and strength. Can I tell you a secret? Bette responded, Sure, what? I think you are even stronger now. Bette frowned and threw up her hands, How, look at me. I’m a mess? No sweetie, the old Bette she was strong but mostly she appeared to be strong”theres a difference.

This new and improved Bette she is really strong because she knows how to talk about her feelings-she knows how to face them and she isnt afraid to just deal with them. She searches herself and examines how she can improve herself and the lives of the people she loves, she is awesome. If you are a mess, you are the most beautiful mess I have ever seen.

Bette sat there still and afraid to look at Alice, her heart was beginning to fill with both love for her dear friend and true gratitude but more than that she was starting to feel something she hadnt felt in a long while; confidence and true self assurance. Alice noticed Bette just sitting there with a look of relief and reassurance.

Bette finally looked at Alice and smiled. Her smile has always been contagious but this smile, at this moment, was like the first time Alice had ever been fortunate enough to see this beautiful vision. This is what had attracted her to Bette many years ago, that smile, the one that starts with her eyes and brilliantly lights up her face and whatever room she happens to be in. The pain and self- doubt had left her eyes and the sparkle was restored. Bette didnt speak she held her gaze with Alice who was speechless and in awe of her beautiful friend”it was if she could see her spirit was renewed. Bette thought to herself, I could go to counseling for one hundred years and not get this kind of revelation, this can only come from a true friend who has known me and loves me. God, Im so blessed to have a family like this. At that moment she reached out and hugged Alice and Alice not fully aware of the impact her words would have on her friend was overtaken by emotion as she felt tears brimming over her eyes. As Bette broke the embrace still smiling Alice said, Its nice to have you back. Al you have no idea, its good to be back.

Bettes expression quickly changed. She didnt think she WOULD ever have this kind of conversation with Alice. She and Alice were always joking and she didnt think she COULD have this type of conversation with her. It made her immediately think of Shane”she had missed her so much. Instinctively, Alice knew what had apparently changed Bettes mood. Yoda, I know Im not her and everyone knows you two have that short hand. Shane barely talks and you arent the most talkative either when it comes to your feelings -with the exception of your anger, you are usually in really good touch with that, Alice said with a smile. Ive noticed how you two can just really talk or not talk and get it. Bette asked, Get what?”Each other. Yeah Al, its true I guess I miss that.

Bette may I ask you a question? Yeah Al whats up? Do you have that with Tina, do you want that with her? Bette kind of smiled to herself because they had touched on this subject in their last counseling session. Not this specifically, but how its important to have full relationships”how important true friends are especially when you have a partner or spouse. You cant have everything tied up in one person”its not healthy. Bette didnt take to long to respond to Alices question. Well Tina knows me better than anyone thats a given. The thing is she can finish my sentences and she knows how I will react to some things”most things actually, though she knows me best she doesnt always understand me best. I actually think thats good because we dont always agree on absolutely everything and it leaves us room to grow and not to get bored with each other. It also helps us to learn from each other and to gain new insights.

Tina is my rock and my wings. She keeps me grounded and at the same time the love I have for her makes me soar above any obstacle I face, and makes me dream bigger than I ever would otherwise. She brings out my best and tolerates my worst. I couldnt ask for anything more. Its just that when Im at my worst its good to have someone to bounce things off of to help me to make sense of them. Alice asked, Like Shane, right? Yeah. Bettes voice trailed off.

Alice got quiet she realized the entire family was screwed up. Dana had been avoiding her for what seemed like weeks and this thing with Shane had thrown everyone for a loop. She became sullen and very quiet and thats just not like her. Alice whats wrong? Oh nothing its just I wish things could go back to the way they were. You and Yoda being able to talk, you and Tina being that happy perfect couple with no worries, and me and Dana at least speaking to each other. Bette smiled a little because she knew exactly how Alice felt. Well Al, as far as this thing with Shane is concerned I am going to think of a way to fix it, somehow. You know Tina misses her too, though right now she wont admit it, and understandable so. And Tina and I being that happy, perfect couple? Happy, yes, we are happy again and we will become even happier as we work through our issues. But perfect, a wise woman once said Its easy to love someone who seems perfect but the true testament of love is to give your all to someone despite their imperfections. Who said that? Alice quizzed? It doesnt matter. The point is Tina and I will be happy with one another and work towards not perfection, but understanding and growth. The new me, Im less concerned with how things appear. I just want to appreciate things for how they truly are, and give the best I can give to Tina. Wow -this counseling stuff is working wonders. Alice interjected.

Funny Alice, lets talk about you and Dana. Alices smile quickly dissipated and she replied, Now thats no joking matter. Whats going on? Alice took in deep breath and let out a really loud sigh before she began. Well I kind of made a pass at Dana. Really? Bette asked calmly. Alice whipped around and looked at Bette, You arent surprised? Bette shook her head, No not really. The question is why did you do it? Its obvious Danas rushing into this marriage with Tonya and you love her as a friend and you may not want to see her go there. But are you attracted to her and do you want a relationship with her? Alice sat there terrified-she had asked these questions of herself a million times but she didnt know how to respond to Bette who seemed to have a pretty good grasp of the situation. You cut to the chase dont you? I mean how Bette interrupting And you dont. Dont avoid the question and dont answer a question with a question its not going to work with me. Alice started to blush a little. Okay, I am attracted to her. Its Dana shes cute and funny and innocent. Did I say cute? ***** shes *****. Alice said as a smile stretched across her face. Bette smiled too.

Well proceed with extreme caution but talk to her. I want to fix things with Shane badly too. I know Tina wants it too but I have to be really careful because Tina and I have worked so hard to regain and rebuild trust and I wont ruin our relationship. She knows Shane has a good heart. There has to be a way to fix this. Well whatever you do take your own advice and proceed with extreme caution.

I havent spoken to Shane she hasnt been around. I am actually getting worried she answers her cell but she doesnt talk long shes always doing something. Dana and I kind of told her off when she told us she was in love with you. Al you knew? Why didnt you say something? She told us the same day she told you it was really weird but it explained her strange behavior. What strange behavior? Almost hooking up with Candace and being overly concerned about you considering you have Tina. Oh, thank God, I already know about that stuff. I thought you knew about something else. No but if you want me to I could find out that way it will give you time to get Tina on board Would you Al? I mean really Im worried about Shane too. She and Tina had a really intense conversation and I stayed out of it. Now I wish I hadnt maybe we could have avoided this. No worries Bette-I will talk to Shane you keep trying to warm Tina up to the idea.

TBC