Tina looked lovingly, deeply into Bettes eyes, thinking to herself, here it isright here Tina; the defining moment of your life! Are you really ready? and she began, (terrified and vulnerable) Bette I love you, with all my heart. I have ALWAYS loved you..WE could be the family we always wanted. (sucking in as much air as her lungs would take) I want you to give me. to give us, a second chance at forever. will you be willing to do that Bette? Do you love me enough to do that?

Tbc.

Chapter 19

Bette looked at Tina and could see the sheer terror in Tinas eyes awaiting her response. Bette was impressed by Tinas new forwardness, starting to realize that she wasnt the only one who had changed over the last 5 years.

Havent you already hurt her enough Porter. Bette thought to herself. but Bette just couldnt do it. She couldnt give Tina what they both so desperately wanted.

She knew she was going to regret this decision for the rest of her life, but she had to make it. Bette did have a family to think about, she couldnt just think of herself she had to think of Kristie and she had to think of Jack..alright Jack would benefit either way, but she still had to think of Kristie, the only other woman she had ever loved.

If Bette were to just think of herself, she knew she would be wrapped in Tinas arms right now, telling her how much she missed her and how much she loved her..and how she would make it up to her, all the hurt she had caused,. for the rest of their lives, forever. That she would love for the three of them to be a family. just like the way she had always dreamed it would be!!!

But Bettes new principles would not budge, she had to do what was best for Kristie and for JackThey already were her familyBette was so hung up on how much she had hurt Tina in the past, and how she would never hurt someone she loved so much again, she was totally oblivious to the fact that she was going to hurt Tina, now probably more than ever before just by staying with Kristie, by in effect choosing Kristie.

Bette looked deeply into Tinas hopeful eyes, this was going to be hard, (her voice laden with regret) Tee, I love you. I will always love you.What we had could never be replaced by anyone or anything..but I just cant give US a second chanceI just cant hurt Kristie, I love her too and I cant take the chance of hurting you again!

Tina heard Bettes words, but she wasnt convinced, she was going to fight for their love. Those words that Bette had just spoken, were not coming from Bettes heart, Tina could see that, she figured she just needed to reach within the depths of Bettes heart

Tina looked lovingly, deeply into Bettes eyes, holding her hands in her own, Bette I can see in your eyes you are lying to me. you want this just as much as I do. Please dont waste any more time baby I didnt just loose 5 years WE lost 5 years..We love each other, we are meant to be, Betteforever!

Bette didnt know if she could continue, Tina always had the ability to read her so well, and Bette was feeling emotionally naked, knowing that Tina could see into her heart, I just cant Tina!! she got up of the bench and walked a few steps away, her back to Tina.

I have to do this. I do not deserve a second chance, Kris. doesnt deserve to lose her family and Tina deserves to find someone who will not subject her to any more hurtshe would be better off without me, Bette reasoned with herself.

Bette turned around, her eyes fixed at the ground, she was going to have to straight out lie to Tina and she didnt know if she could do that.

Tina stood up, anxiously watching Bette, seeing every movement her body made, every expression that graced her face, she could see Bette wrestling with her deepest, most intimate thoughts

Bette: (almost in a whisper) Tina.. Im not in love with you anymore ok.We need to .we need to move on. Bette did it, she liedshe had to make sure Tina got the message.

Bette.. Look at me and tell me that, come on Porter, look me in the eyes and say that! Tina challenged

Bette thought to herself, God NO!.Come on Porter you can do this, its only words

Bette determinedly closed off her heart, shutting it down as best she could, that the only way she thought she could even attempt to get through this.

She slowly raised her head, her eyes skimming the contours of Tinas amazing body, the body that she had worshipped, that she took so much pleasure in making happy for 7 wonderful, loving years

Bette snapped out of it, No Bette you cannot entertain those thoughts, this has to be done!!! berating herself.

Bettes eyes finally locked with Tinas. Tina could see the almost vacant look in her eyes, as Bette softly spoke, with her head, not her heart, Tina, Im . Im not in love with you anymore. Im so sorry Bette was just barely holding it together, she felt as though she was going to crack at any moment, and her charade would be blown.

Tina was surprised at Bettes admission; she didnt expect it at all. She didnt actually contemplate the notion that Bette wasnt in love with her anymore

After hearing Bettes words, Tina searched Bettes eyes looking for her heart, looking for her soul, looking for any sign that her absolute worst nightmare wasnt coming true.but she couldnt find anything.

Bette had successfully closed herself down for that moment and Tina had no choice but to believe Bettes declaration

Tinas legs gave way and she collapsed on the sand, sobbing. Bette couldnt have hurt her anymore, if she had tried, if she had taken a bullet and fired it straight through her heart Bettes words had just left a gaping hole all the way through Tinas heart

Bette tried to comfort Tina; she bent down, to take her in her arms, seeing the extreme distress Tina was in; sadly knowing that again she had managed to crush the woman who completed her.

Tina forcefully pushed her away, she couldnt bear to be touched by Bette, GodI am never going to be touched, or loved by Bette again.everIts reallyOVER! Tina sorrowfully concluded, the realization hitting her.

Bettes heart was aching too, her whole life was unravelling before her eyes and her new principles were blinding her. She couldnt help it, she still felt undeserving of Tinas affections, and still couldnt hurt the only other woman she had ever loved.

What a joke!!!Never again hey Porter, look what youve done to the love of your life, again!!. Just leave her alone to move onshes much better off without you!! Bette thought to herself.

Bette looked down at Tina, her own tears streaming down her face, (hesitantly) I would still really like you to be part of Jacks life Teehe is your son, and maybe one day..(naively hopeful) we could be friends?

Tina looked up at Bette incredulously, her vision blurred due to the free flowing tears fermenting in her eyes, (quietly, her voice cracking with emotion) Please dont call me Tee, Bette.(sadly) Jack is your sonhe is only my son if we are a family, which.. obviously you have made clear, you dont want .so as much as it pains me..as much as it is ripping at my heart, to walk away from him, and from you. I have to.. I cant stay anywhere near you Bette and not be with youI know you have your family, and I am not part of thatIll have to accept your decision. But now, I will need to find my own place in the world ..It will hurt way too much to see you everyday and not be able to kiss you, to hold you, to love you(Tina broke down again, quickly wiping away her tears, not wanting Bette to have the satisfaction of seeing how truly broken she was) I just cant .I am probably more in love with you now than I ever was and I have to get over yousomehow Bette, I have to get over you, (with a heavy heart) just like you got over me!!

Tina got up and walked away, not daring to look back, fearing if she did, she wouldnt be able to stop herself from running back into Bettes warm, comforting arms. even if it was for the very last time.

Bette yelled out after her, TINA!!!!! but Tina couldnt take anymore, she just kept walking, further and further away from the love of her life.. the unrequited love of her life. When she knew she was out of sight of Bettes glaring eyes, Tina took off, sprinting to her car; opening the door with such force that she nearly ripped it off its hinges, leaving a trail of tears along the way, vowing to herself that those were the last tears she would shed over one Ms Bette Porter! A vow she knew, as soon as she made it, that she couldnt possibly keep.


Tina got in her car and took a deep composing breath. She took out her cell and phoned the only person she believed could help to soothe her broken heart..

Tina: (sombrely) Hello Steph*sniff * Can I meet you somewhere, like now. but not at The Cup. I really need you.

Stephanie: (concerned) Tina. are you ok. Where are you? I will come to you?

Tina: UmIm at the waterfrontBette and I Bette and I . Tina couldnt bring herself to say the words; to admit that is was actually over.

Stephanie had a pretty good idea of what had transpired by the tone of Tinas voice and knew it could only have meant bad news for her friend, Its ok Tina. Wait thereIll be there in 15 minutes ok. 15 minutes!!!!!!!!

Stephanie was still with Kristie at The Cup. Kristie had overheard the conversation and although she felt sorry for Tina, she was subtly elated that it sounded like Bette was finally hers.

Stephanie excused herself, Kris, Im sorry to cut this short, can we do this another time before I go home? I really need to be somewhere?

Kristie: (compassionately) Sure Steph. Is everything ok? knowing full well where she was headed.

Stephanie: (worriedly) Yep, it will be. A friend just really needs me right now. Stephanie got up and grabbed her handbag, Ill talk to you soon Kris ok.

Kristie: (smiling) Nice, seeing you again Steph.

Stephanie was on her way out the door and with one quick, friendly wave she was gone.

Stephanie hailed a cab and arrived at the Waterfront 15 minutes later, finding Tina in her car, frozen behind the wheel in a trance like state. Stephanie could see the tear stains on Tinas cheeks.

Stephanie opened the car door and Tina didnt move, (lightly slapping Tinas face) Tina, sweetie, snap out of it!!

Tina came back to reality, Huh..What? Tina looked around, confusion plastered all over her face, until her eyes came across Stephanies.

Tina extended her arms and wrapped them around Stephanies neck pulling her in for a warm, comforting hug.

Tina: (weakly, breaking from the embrace) Thank you I needed that(sighing) Thanks for coming Steph!!!

Stephanie pulled Tina from behind the wheel, outside of the car and put her arm around Tinas shoulder.

Stephanie: (sympathetically) Ok babe, tell me. how bad it is?

Tina: (mournfully) ItsIts over StephIts really OVER!

Stephanie knew Tina was in no state to talk, not yet, her feelings were so raw, and so she took care of the situation. She knew Tina would inform her of the outcome when she was ready, but right now though Stephanie knew Tina just needed comfort, a caring shoulder to cry on, and thats exactly what she was going to be.

Stephanie: (commandingly) Ok Tina give me your keys Im taking you back to your friends place, I just need directions ok!

Tina: (resignedly) Ok.

Both women got into Tinas car and Tina directed Stephanie back to Shanes.

They spent the remainder of the day just hanging out at Shanes; Tina was almost in shock, still totally crushed at the outcome of her discussion with Bette, torturing herself with what if scenarios; but in the cold, harsh light of day, realizing that she gave it her best shot, and unfortunately even that wasnt good enoughthe outcome was final.

It couldnt have went any worse if I planned it. Tina thought to herself.


Before they knew it the day had turned into night and Stephanie thought Tina and her should venture out and see Tinas friends. After being cooped up inside all day Stephanie needed some fresh air and she thought Tinas friends were bound to make her feel a little better at least.

Tina and Stephanie were sitting on Shanes couch; Tina was lost in her own thoughts and Stephanie was watching T.V. trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject.

Stephanie: (casually) Hey Tina, how about we head out tonight for a few drinks, you know at that club you and your friends loveMilk, isnt it?

Tina: Nah, Steph. I dont really feel like

Stephanie interrupted, (persuasively) Tina, it wont hurt you to go out and see your friends and just forget about this whole mess for one night. (smiling, looking at Tina) Come on, you can worry about your life tomorrow ok, tonight lets go and try and have a bit of funfor one nightpllleeeaaasssseee!!!

Tina mulled over the proposal for a minute and thought why not things couldnt possibly get any worse, responding, Yeah ok, I could really use a drink (or 10 thought Tina) give me 20 minutes and Ill be ready.

Stephanie: Coolalright, Im going to quickly head back to the hotel and changeDo you mind if I take your car?

Tina: Of course notgo for it StephIll be ready by the time you get back.

Stephanie went, changed and was back 45 minutes later wearing a pair of body hugging black slacks and a cream dress shirt. Her long brown hair, flowing freely down her back and her face made with very light make-up. Dr Stephanie was one gorgeous woman!

Tina was ready, she decided on a pair of black jeans and a black sleeveless top, her blonde curls falling freely around her face also. There was no way she was looking for any action tonight, she was way toohurt, but she still desperately wanted to feel desired, so Tina figured it wouldnt hurt to look good!(She always looked good)

Tina and Stephanie walked into Milk just after 10pm.

Tinas first port of call was the bar, where she started downing vodka shots, one after the other, in quick succession.

Tina figured that was one way to forget, to numb the incredible ache in her heart. at least for the night.

That wasnt quite what Stephanie had in mind though, when she wanted Tina to forget her pain; she thought maybe a few drinks but what the *****, let Tina let her hair down a bit, shes going to feel like ***** tomorrow anyway, the doc. thought.

The night quickly rolled on; Shane and Toni arrived, as did Dana and Lara a short time after that. The ladies all seemed to be enjoying themselves, drinking, laughing, and conversing.

As the night wore on Tina was becoming more and more intoxicated and was beginning to make a fool of herself, her pain seemingly heightened with alcohol as its fuel.

Stephanie decided to call it a night and take her friend home. Holding up a very drunk Ms Kennard by the waist, they said their goodbyes and headed out of the club.

Stephanie hailed a cab that the two women shared to get home. Stephanies hotel was the closest and she figured she would get Tina too sleep it off in her room; that way she would be there if Tina needed her. Also, with the amount of alcohol Tina had consumed that night, a doctor would be really handy when Tina woke up in the morning, Stephanie reasoned.

They arrived at the hotel and Stephanie practically had to carry Tina to the elevator and hold her up, until they finally arrived at her floor. Stephanie took out her key card and opened the door pulling a very intoxicated, Tina into her room.

As soon as they entered the room and shut the door Tina turned to face Stephanie making a request (slurring a little), Please take the pain away, Steph! and with those words, Tina leaned in and kissed a very surprised Stephanie, forcefully, passionately on the lips

Tbc.