My name is Bette Porter. I am the museum director/curator of the California Art Center. I have a M.D. and PhD. in Forensic Medicine from Johns Hopkins University and a Masters in Art from UCLA. I come from a well-bred yuppie family. I was born and raised in Northern Philadelphia. I was catholic school bred all of my life. I was sent away to a parochial school for girls when I was thirteen. My professors and advisors then on raised me. I never thought of my time there to be anything short of wonderful. I was well cared for, taught the intricacies of all subjects and realized for the first time in my life that I was not going to lead the life my parents had anticipated. When most hear my life story they are shocked to know that I do not resent my parents for sending me away at thirteen. On the contrary, I thank them. It is with my attendance at the Academy that I grew into the woman I am today. It wasnt always an easy journey, as you will notice, but I learned from my trials and tribulations that strength is the key to successor so I thought. I now realize that I have absolutely no conception of who I am and if I do not figure that out I may lose the one thing in this world that means something to me.
For 20 years of my life I was bred to be a doctor. Ive always had an innate ability to want to help others and with that my career choices were decided for me. I managed to maintain straight As throughout school. I wasnt a genius, but did test off the charts. I hate talking about myself like this, but my therapist and my wife think I am a huge self-deprecator so Im trying to prove them wrong. Oh, in case you havent already noticed, Im a ***** and am married to the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever been blessed enough to lay eyes on”Tina Porter-Kennard. But, Ill get into her later before Im accused of self-deprecation again. So, back to meI was sent away from the Academy after they realized that I had scored into genius levels. They sent me to a special institution in which I was tested daily for three years. I hated every minute of it. I missed my family. By family I do not mean Caroline and Melvin Porter, my biological parents. I am referring to the fine professors and advisors of the academy. I managed to open up to them for they were the acting remnants of the close family unit I so desired. I was taken from them and I suppose thats where it all began. From that moment on I constructed a wall of enormous proportions to ward off the unsuspecting victims to which whom wanted to befriend me. I had no interest in allowing people to cross my cold exterior, for I feared they would be taken from me as well. I was 18 years old at this point. I hadnt heard from my parents in five years and had basically forgotten of their existence. Wow, I have to say this free writing exercise is kind of relaxing, just dont tell Tina or Dan Foxworthy (my therapist,) I wouldnt want to give them the satisfaction.
I was 25 years old when I lost my mind, as my advisors would say. It was my first day as a resident at the local Veterans hospital and I walked in there and realized it was not for me. I packed my bags and literally ran to Los Angeles, California. I registered at UCLA as a Graduate Student in order to be allowed the luxuries of room and board. Luckily, due to my extensive resume I was given a full scholarship provided I continued in the Medical profession. I agreed for it allowed me distance from the life I once led and it gave me a place to live.
I was now approaching 27 years old and was nose deep in science books again and wondering why I ran to the West Coast to live the same life. So, on a whim, I registered for all art classes. I figured Art would be the safest thing”no science, no calculations, and no formulas”freedom. Well, to my astonishment, Art captivated me to my very core and from then on my allegiance was to the beauty and non-conformity of artistic values that overcame my life. I finished school and gained another Masters degree, but this time it was in Art. I got a job at a local art museum and was thrilled for the mere fact that I could finally afford my own apartment and not have to worry about school. I moved to this studio apartment in Redondo Beach, a few miles from the gallery. I worked at the gallery for about 8 months when the owner suddenly died and left me the gallery. It became the Bette Porter Gallery and was where I met the love of my life.
Chronologically, I was now 28 years old. I owned my own gallery, had a beautiful apartment in Redondo Beach, but still lacked what my heart longed for”a home. I took it upon myself to fly back to Philadelphia in search of my former family of professors and to, on some level, gain their acceptance of my new life choices. Throughout this life transformation I realized I was *****. Maybe it was living in L.A. that triggered the homo-chromo but none the less I knew I did not intend to marry a man, or anyone for that matter. I arrived at the Academy at reconnected with my former educators. For the most part, I wasnt very well received. The sisters didnt exactly fancy the idea of homosexuality and made it clear. My science professors professed that I was incredibly ignorant to give up my degrees and pursue a career in art. At this point tears strummed down my face when I walked into, literally, a former English professor of mine. The sight of my pain intrigued her to take me under her wing and make me feel at ease. I owe much to this woman. She saw me, Bette Porter, not Elizabeth Porter M.D. She encouraged me to continue on in my life and to never settle for conformity. If it werent for her, I probably would have relocated back to Philadelphia working as a doctor, completely miserable. I returned to California with a new lease on life. I was ecstatic on the fact that I had rekindled a relationship with a professor from the Academy. With Dr. Servillos (my English professor) advice I continued with my art endeavors. Shortly after my return my gallery became quite popular. I was making a more than comfortable living for my age and was certainly making my way through the door of the Art world. I finally had found my niche”I was in my element. I even had formulated myself a great group of friends and even a girlfriend! Her name was Alice. She was this witty, smart-***** wanna-be writer and we were seeing one another. It wasnt anything serious, but I did enjoy having someone to be with. Then there was Dana. Shes a professional tennis player and is VERY in the closet. But, shes a sweetheart and Alice and I were confident we could lure her over to the dark side eventually. Then theres Marina, she owns the Planet, which is the coffee house we all hang out at. And no, its not the Central Perk TVs favorite sitcom Friends hang out it is a trendy, very chic, very L.A. meeting place. And how can I forget Shane. She is literally West Hollywoods biggest heartthrob. Shes probably slept with every woman in Los Angeles and keeps adding to the list daily. She is a definite rock star, but has a heart of gold.
It was my first real art show. I had invited all of Hollywoods well-known artists as well as my group of friends. Before I knew it, my small art gathering had turned into an all out extravaganza thanks to Alice. At this time she was working for a well-known magazine and decided to take it upon herself to write me up in it. I never saw so many people in one place admiring a collection I put together. It was amazing to say the least. And then she appeared. The angel that would soon become my life and the main reason I am who I am today. Christina Kennard walked into my art gallery, arm-in-arm with her boyfriend Eric. I took one look at this woman and knew she was the one I had to be with. I had never felt so strongly for anyone in my life. I lived a very sheltered life in the sense that I never let anyone come in a close parameter of my heart. Even my friends were kept at a safe distance. But something about this woman made me want to get on bended knee and profess to her my deepest, darkest emotions. I felt like my heart was safe within her. And then she did it, she looked at me straight in the eye and for a brief moment in time the universe stopped. The earth no longer rotated on its axis, the clouds no longer moved over the sky, everything was stillincluding me. There she stood, this blonde goddess with soft curls brushing against her soft white complexion. She had the most mesmerizing eyes I had ever seen and her smile was so warm and inviting. She wore a black dress that did no justice to the beauty that she was. She was perfection. She walked over to me to introduce herself and I was still awe stricken with her beauty. Alice noticed this and took it upon herself to nudge me in the side and endearingly threaten me to Snap out of it Porter youre drooling. I readily took her advice and maintained my composure long enough to introduce myself to her. Alice and I were broken up, but still very good friends, and she knew that this woman had captivated me. She decided it was her duty to find out all she could about Miss Christina Kennard. After some eavesdropping on Alices part it was confirmed that the blonde beauty standing before me was Christina Kennard, a very straight movie executive, and the man standing beside her was her boyfriend Eric. I was distraught at the fact that I would never have a chance with this woman for she was straight, but I suppose stranger things have happen.
Hi, my name is Bette Porter. Was all I could spit out.
Hello, Im Tina Kennard and this is my boyfriend Eric. She so subtly responded.
It was with those words that led to the earring incident as Alice and I refer to it. In the interim of the night Tinas earring had managed to fall from her ear leaving itself for me to find in those gorgeous golden locks. Later that evening, after everyone had gone home, I discovered Tinas earring in the gallery and practically ran to the phone to call her to come and retrieve it. Less than an hour later the goddess entered my gallery and thats when it happenedI fell in love. We shared a soft, sensual, perfect kiss leaving me gasping for air. And thats how it all happened. I guess it was the irresistible Porter charm that led Tina out of her sheltered straight life and right into my armsok maybe it wasnt like that, but a girl can dream cant she. I fell in love with her the moment I first saw her and I managed to fall in love all over again when we shared our first kiss. Little did I know that I would be sharing kisses with her forever?
Seven years later, Tina and I are happily married and expecting our first child in a few months. I am elated to say the least. We had tried getting pregnant once before, but Tina miscarried and we were both devastated. Thats when I fell. When I say fell I dont mean physically, but emotionally. I regressed back to the girl I used to be, not the woman I worked so hard to become. That is why I am writing this, to try to find that woman once again. I seem to have lost my way. Thank God for my wife. If it wasnt for Tina I do not know what I would do sometimes. After the death of our baby I shut down. I threw myself into work and became emotionally inept. I was not comforting to my wife at all and it is still a wonder to me why she didnt leave me. Tina chalks it up to love, but I know its just because she is the most amazing woman one is lucky enough to ever meet. She is this resonating person with whom people flock to. I know I did. We both grieved the loss of our baby in our separate ways and I truly believe that if there wasnt a change we might not have made it. We had grown apart on so many levels. I blame myself for being such an emotional cripple. I didnt know what to do. All my life I was the strong provider, type A, ignorant fool who pretended to know what she was doing. When Tina and I lost our baby I collapsed emotionally. I wanted so badly to comfort the woman I loved more than life itself, but I didnt know how. And I needed to be comforted to and I didnt know how to ask for that. Shortly after we lost the baby Tina wanted to go back to therapy. I hesitantly agreed and it is there that I started to see that I wasnt the strong rock that I thought I was, or that I thought I had to be. I learned that I am fallible and that it is shameful to need comfort and support like I want for Tina. A few months into therapy Tina and I started noticing changes in my body. I was getting sick more often, I was constantly tired and as much as I tried to rest I could never fall asleep. Tina dragged me to the doctors kicking and screaming and then the unthinkable happen”I was diagnosed with Cancer. After hearing the word Cancer escape the doctors mouth, Tina collapsed into my arms and she sobbed for dear life. I took her home and we just sat in the dark in the living room for hoursnot speaking, just thinking. And suddenly, Tina turned to me and cradled my face in her soft hands and whispered to me, I love you Bette and we will beat this; you and I together. You are my life and I cant envision you not it, you are not alone, we will get through this together. And I just broke down. I never cried so hard in my entire life. I wasnt even crying over the fact that I was just diagnosed with Cancer, I cried because there was this woman sitting next to me ready and willing to be there for me and in the seven years of marriage I had never fully let her in. It broke my heart. I was so lucky to have Tina in my life and I wasnt about to let anything take her away from me. Months went by and treatments came and went. Finally, after an exhausting battle my Cancer went into remission and I was given a second chance at happiness. Tina and I jumped at it and agreed that it was finally time to start our family.
I was working late one night at the museum, a common occurrence, and when I arrived home I realized that Tina had set the dinning room table three places. I was annoyed to say the least at the thought of having to make idle conversation when my world was slipping out before me. Approaching the table I realized that there was a pregnancy test at one of the places. I examined it and realized the plus sign it had revealed. Tears instantly welled in my eyes and I felt my throat tighten. I look over into the kitchen and there is my Tina, beaming this resonating light. I rushed over there and showered her in kisses and I love yous. We just stood there embracing one another unable to speak. It was the most happiest moment of my life.