The opening of the show starts at 1930 hours. My watch says 1830 hours. Ok. Half hour more then Ill be on my way. I looked at myself in the mirror. I know I know. Ive been standing in front of the mirror for a long time now. So what? I want to look my best for the show for her show THE show! I look great I think. Long black backless dress is flowing nicely. It fits in all the right places. I hope I dont look desperate. And I hope when I see her tonight, shed appreciate all the works Ive done to look this good

I looked at the pamphlet again. God she still looks beautiful as ever. What is it with that smile that is just so so mesmerizing?!?! She could have me just by showing her beautiful smile. That smile. That ***** smile. The smile she had flashed a million times at me. That smile. The smile which always made me weak in the knees. That smile. The smile which never failed to make my heart beat faster. That smile!!!

It was just like the time when I first laid eyes on her. She smiled at me. Her eyes werent on me at first, they were on Erics. And then she shifted her gaze on me, extended her arm and then there it was That smile. That mesmerizing smile. And the kiss. My god that first kiss. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Bette, what you do to me!!!! I can still feel you Bette. Feel your lips on mine. How soft your lips were on mine. I touched my lips still loving the effect of the first time. I shook the image off my head.

Come on Tina. Its time to go.

I grabbed my purse and left the hotel room. The whole ride to the gallery I was so nervous. My hands were cold. Come on Kennard! Keep it together. Youve seen her a million times. And you have a lot to say. But what do I want to say to her? That Ill be the one to put those sparkles back in her eyes? Yeah right! Ok chill and relax. This is not the time nor the place to start being nervous! She would just see right through you tell me you dont already forgot the Porter look! When she sees you, she sees right deep into your soul. So you have to stay calm and just be yourself you! Just you! Youre the person she fell in love with no one else

But she doesnt love me now right? I mean it has been years since we last communicated with each other, let alone saw each other. If she loved me still, then why wouldnt she come back to me and instead left LA permanently? I wish I could Hey! You asked her to leave you alone!!!! Dont you remember? leave me alone Bette!!! Dont you dare come back to me, ever! Dont you remember those words? Those were your words Tina. Yours. Not hers! But I was mad at her! I was mad at her for cheating on me. I couldnt be with her then. Not when every time were together I could only think of where those hands or those lips had been!!! I could picture it now her kissing Candace oh Tina please lets just not go there now

Driver: Miss

Come on Kennard. Just relax take a deep breath.

Driver: Ummm Miss? The Porter Gallery right?

I shook my head and smiled nervously.

Tina: Umm Yeah. Yes just here.

Driver: Here you are miss. Boy dont this place look packed!

I opened my purse and handed a twenty dollar note.

Tina: Thanks. Just keep the change.

Driver: Thanks. Have a good night!

I climbed out of the taxi and felt uneasiness at the pit of my stomach. Ok come on Kennard. Hang in there. Youre a strong woman. Come on!!! Get your ***** in there!!!! I forced myself to walk even though my knees were giving up on me.

The place was packed just as the driver said it was. People were everywhere. And I feel naked here alone. I know I would eventually see and recognise some of the people here but I just dont want anyone to know I am here not until I have spoken to or at least seen Bette.

I made my way through the crowd and entered the gallery. I know the show is a success just by looking at the turn out. A lot, I mean a lot of people are here; all looking very eager to experience the show. I smiled proudly knowing this was Bettes success. I never doubted Bettes ability to pull this off. Bette is like Midas, everything she touched turns to gold. As I made my way through the front entrance I noticed how this was the first time I had ever walked into The Porter Gallery. My first. Not even caring about the art pieces hanging on their walls, I wandered around taking in the architecture of this place.

The minute you step into the main gallery, the way these walls and the displays were constructed, you could feel the energy that they bring. You can feel the strength of the photographs on display and how the walls just bounce every emotion and sentiment that they exude. I stood in awe in the middle of the gallery; even with the sea of people here I could feel the pulsating wave of energy going in all directions.

This place is different, much different from the CAC. The CAC, the thought made me shudder. The place that hold painful memories. The deal with Candace; how Bette gave a part of her that was mine to someone else. Oh god that must have been the lowest point of my life. I mean never would I have thought that Bette would give in to such actions knowing too well how she believed in monogamy. ***** just look how she reacted when she found out about Jenny and Marina.

Ok well, stop thinking about the past. Concentrate on today, tomorrow and the future. The time is now. Not the past. I shook my head to rid of the painful memory.

I spotted Alice and Dana looking at a photograph while talking to this rather famous show critic. Id like to say they were exchanging views or debating the piece but somehow I think, from the looks of it, Alice is trying to get something out of him. Typical Alice but always comes in handy! I was observing Alice and her interaction with the critic when Dana turned and looked in my direction. *****. I turned around and made my way to the bar. Once I was sure I was out of sight, I ordered myself a glass of wine.

I skimmed the place trying to look for Bette. Where could she be? I spotted Kit and Shane sitting on one of the benches just looking around and looking at their drinks. I should steer clear of them. I need to find I heard a familiar laughter… could it be?

I heard it again. I followed the direction of the laughter. That laughter is unmistakably hers. She should be here somewhere. Somehow all through the crowd and the noises, I could hear her voice. I turned my head and BAM! The hair long black curls that I miss and the body the body that I crave. Shes here. Shes there talking with her guests.

I watched her from afar as she excused herself. OK. This could be it. I placed my drink on the tray and made my way towards her but stopped dead in my tracks. Wat-the-*****? Who is that? I stood back, trying to see who it was that had put her arm around Bette and kissed her on her lips. I felt dizzy just watching the kiss and had to steady myself by holding on to a chair. My heart raced, my palms sweating and my mind? It went overdrive just as I realised who the lady was. Oh my god!!! Thats Melanie! *****! How could I have been so stupid to have thought Bette hadnt moved on? And havent found someone to love her? *****!!! I didnt even think of this possibility. What the ***** was I thinking??? And if that wasnt enough, I saw another familiar face. Helena!!! What the ***** is Helena doing here? What? Why?

Bette was smiling while she was talking to Helena. Is she on speaking terms with Helena now? Are they friends? How is that possible? How and why did Bette invite her? I thought she hated her! What could have happened that made these two friends? I watched them as they talked. I thought their interaction was a bit cold and I wondered if my first impression of them together was right. Bette excused herself and Mel gave her a light peck on the cheek. So they are together now? Melanie and Bette? I dont think I can take this.

She walked towards the bar and ordered a drink. I couldnt read her facial expression from where I was standing. But I could tell from her body that something wasnt right. That something was bothering her. Maybe it wouldnt be such a good idea if I go up to her. What if she has a lot on her mind and my being here would make things worse? Oh snap out of it Tina. She invited you here. But she doesnt know Im here. Thats right but why would she invite you if she didnt want you to come? You know Bette. She wouldnt do such thing. Shes a classy lady. She wouldnt do anything to hurt you. But she did. But that was all in the past. Stop living the past. This time is forward. No looking back. Yeah youre right. Ok, here goes.

As I made my way to where Bette was, holding my breaths as I did so, Shane came up from behind her. *****. I turned around. I cant do this. I dont think I can face Bette now. But I stayed rooted to where I was standing watching the interaction between those two. Shane looked like he knew what was going on with Bette. And Bette, well if my reading her expression is as sharp as it was years ago, Id say she looks lost. Like she doesnt know what to do or how to deal with it. Ive seen that look before.

The first time I saw it was when we started going out. How she wasnt sure what to do when around me. I see her as this confident woman who will get whatever she wants by concentrating all of her energy to it. Well, she didnt need to concentrate all her energy on me to have me and to make me fall for her. I was already falling for her the first time I saw her at her gallery. How she had been keeping herself in check while around me. And I remember one night after dinnerhow confused she was as to what I really wanted whether I was ready to have a relationship with a woman knowing full well that Ive never ever had any feelings for women. It just shows how big a sweetheart she is worrying about something that wasnt there. I, for one, would have loved nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her.

I have to go. Theres no way I can stay here and theres no chance I would be able to talk to Bette, not with the girls here and not with the interruptions. I looked around making sure no one noticed I was here and carefully made my way to the main entrance. From the corner of my eyes I could see Kit, Dana, Alice and Shane with Bette by the bar laughing at a joke. It couldve been me there too. Not now Tina, I berated myself. Right now you need to go back to the hotel. Get your ***** together and plan your next move! You cant deal with this right now.

As I reached the entrance I heard a familiar voice calling out my name and I knew I couldnt hide and make myself invisible and I couldnt run. This time, there was no escape






Sorry didn’t mean to leave u hanging… Apologies….

Ok well, I’m back for a few minutes to check up on things and i’m sorry if i have made everyone confused. This chapter is Tina’s view of the opening in Chapter 4 with Bette’s view. Sorry u guys. Anyway… I’m going on a biz trip so will post when i get back.