Previously~~~~~~~~~~~~

The pressure Tina felt was crushing her spirit. She was really torn between her needs and her parental
dependencies. In a perfect world she could throw caution to the wind and follow her heart. In that perfect world she would announce to the world that Better Porter was her girlfriend, best friend, lover, and soul mate. In that perfect world, Bette Porter and Tina Kennard would hold hands, kiss, and lovingly caress each other in pubic; tastefully expressing their love for each other without a second thought. But this was not a perfect world. This was a world in which she was sure to be distanced from the woman that owned her heart, if any hint of hers or Bettes sexuality was made known to the Kennards. It was a world in which shed be disowned and destitute if her parents found out she and Bette were actually a couple. A world in which her parents would cut off funding for her education and shed be forced to figure out how to pay for 3 years of college on her own, with no job and no skills. This outcome would effectively drive her away from Bette anyway, since shed be forced to leave school and find some means by which to support herself.

It was a world in which she was forced to make a choice between her heart and the life she had become so accustomed to living. How could she continue to keep hiding her love for Bette when so many people seemed to want to take her place in Bettes heart? How could she continue to pretend that she didnt see the pain in her girlfriends soft brown eyes? How much longer could she make Bette endure the pain of their hidden relationship? How many more times were people going to flirt with her girlfriend or comment about her beauty in front of Tinatotally unaware that Tina was the caramel womans other half? How much longer could she do these things?

But how could she out herself and risk the total upheaval of her world? How could she throw caution to the wind, only to have the wind knocked out of her and her reality come crashing down? How could she risk losing everything, her family, her education, her lifestyle, her Betteall in one fell swoop?

And how could she make this choice? How was she equipped at age 19 to have all of these answers? How could her young mind possibly know enough about life and the world and human nature to have the knowledge she needed to make an intelligent decision? How was she expected to make such a life-altering choice at this point in her life?

****

Tinas touch seemed to have a healing effect and Bette stopped sobbing, however, the tears continued to slip from her eyes. Im sorry, T. I didnt mean for this to happen, Bette whispered.

The minute shed heard the emotion and pain in Bettes voice, all of the turmoil shed felt that day suddenly seemed to vanish. The only worry on her mind was Bette Porter. All she knew was that Bette needed her and that she needed Bette. Tina had no answers or quick solutions. She didnt know what would become of them or how they would make it through the chaos of their current reality. However, Tina Kennard did have a loving embrace and a tender caress.

Shh. Come here, Bette. Get in bed with me, babe., she whispered, stopping the unnecessary apology she knew her soul mate wanted to divulge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bettes alarm sounded at 7:30 that morning and before she could move, Tina had run across the room and shut it off. She returned to bed and wrapped Bette in her arms. With her eyes still shut, Bette spoke softly, her voice wrought with exhaustion. Im so tired, T. She felt drained of all her energy, her limbs felt heavy and she didnt want to move at all.

Tina kissed Bettes forehead and studied her girlfriends puffy eyes. I bet she is exhausted. Her eyes are so swollen. What am I doing to her?, Tina wondered.

Just a few more minutes. Then Ill get up., Bette whispered.

Tina nodded and held Bette closely to her. The next thing either of them knew, Tinas alarm was going off and an hour had gone by. Tina shut it off and looked at the time.

*****! Bette, wake up babe. Its 8:30. Isnt your final at 9?, asked Tina.

Bette groaned. I overslept.

I know you did, baby. Youve gotta get up now., said Tina.

Bettes eyes were still closed and she turned on her back, lying face up. Im getting up. Im getting up.

Tina caressed Bettes cheek and sighed. You wont have time to shower. Let me get you something to put on while you wash your face and brush your teeth.

Bette sighed deeply. Okay. Thanks, T.

Come on babe, lets get moving., said Tina.

Bette begrudgingly made her way the restroom and when she returned, she dressed in the sweats and underwear Tina had laid out for her. She was heading out the door at 8:45 and instinctively walked over to Tina to kiss her goodbye. As their eyes met, she remembered that their lives were in a state of absolute chaos and suddenly, she was at a loss for words. Tinas mind was still a mess of confusing decisions and potentially catastrophic outcomes. They stood there for a moment, looking into each others eyes, each needing the other, each with so much to say but left unable to communicate their thoughts. The silence around them was growing louder and louder with each passing second and finally, Tina looked away, averting her girlfriends eyes.

Well, you should get going, Bette. You dont want to be late., said Tina, her voice soft and uncertain.

Yeah. I.I should go., said Bette. She turned to walk away and Tina grabbed her hand.

Bette turned around and their eyes locked. Tina pulled Bette to her and softly kissed her lovers lips.

They stood just a few centimeters apart. Bette smiled weakly, her eyes filling with tears, and whispered, I love you so much, T.

Tinas eyes were now shining as she struggled to hold back her own tears. I know, Bette. I love you too.

Bette blinked and the tears slid down her face. She wiped at the wetness and said, Weummwe need to talk, T.

I know, Bette. We will. Please just concentrate on your exam., said Tina, wiping at Bettes tears.

Bette felt another wave of emotion wash over her and another set of tears streamed down her face. This situation was taking its toll on her. It was enough that she had been put on display in the Bruin and had been under attack by every desperate soul on campus, but not knowing where things stood between her and Tina was too much. She was completely exasperated and her tear-soaked voice did little to hide it.

Tinahow am I supposed to concentrate when all I can think about is us?, she said, her voice halting and emotional.

Tinas heart was breaking. The sadness in her lovers eyes was almost too much to bear. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she reached out and held Bettes face in her hands. There was so much Tina wanted to say, but she knew that Bette needed to go. Bette, please stop worrying. Just go take your exam. I promise, well talk later. You getting a zero on this test is not going to help anything.

Bette closed her eyes and leaned forward so that her forehead was resting against Tinas. She exhaled and her shoulders dropped in defeat. I know, T. I know., Bette whispered.

They embraced each other tightly and kissed once more before Bette hurried out the door, with 9 minutes to spare.

Tina watched the door close and all the worries, concerns, doubts and fears shed experienced the day before came rushing at her. She knew Bette was hurting, but had no idea of how to take away her lovers pain. The fear of her parents finding out about her sexuality kept her from moving forward. The beauty and intensity of her love for Bette kept her from moving backwards and ending their relationship. Tina was stuck in a pit of emotional quicksand. She couldnt move forward, she couldnt move backward, and the struggle between both worlds was starting to sink her.

She was sitting at her computer, checking her email, when she received an instant message from Dana.

DPowerServe: Tina? Are you there?

TCake: Hey Dana. Yeah, Im here.

DPowerServe: I need to talk to you. Ill call your dorm room.

TCake: OK

A few seconds later the phone rang and Tina answered.

Hey Dana. Whats going on?, she said into the receiver.

Hey Tina. Have you talked to Bette?

Tina swallowed hard. No, I havent. We didnt really get a chance.

Oh. Well, are you still mad at her?, asked Dana.

Im not mad at her. I never was., said Tina.

Well, she thinks you are. She was a total mess yesterday, Tina. Ive never seen her like that before., said Dana.

This was exactly what Tinas sinking soul needed: more guilt. Really? I was just upset. I needed some time.

Look, I know this isnt any of my business. This is between you and Bette., said Dana.

But? I sense theres a but in here somewhere.

Then youd be right. Tina, you guys are my best friends here at school and I just dont want to see you all mess things up. Ive gotta tell you Tina, she really needs you right now. She was so upset. She thinks youre going to break up with her., said Dana.

Im not breaking up with her., said Tina. Am I?, she thought.

Well, she doesnt know that Tina. And then with everybody coming on to her left and right, Dana began.

Coming on to her? What? What are you talking about?, asked Tina. Tina hadnt been around yesterday. Shed missed Bettes suitors, the phone messages, and gifts waiting outside the door.

Tina, everyone is treating that article like a classified ad. Every desperate man and woman in the area has been hitting on her and leaving her gifts. She was kinda freaked out., said Dana.

I cant believe this. Alice is such a *****! I knew there was something up with her., said Tina.

Right. Its all Alice., said Dana, the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

Whats that supposed to mean?, asked Tina.

Dana hadnt meant to let that slip, but she couldnt help it. She was the one that had dried Bettes tears the day before. She was the one who had to try and find words of love and support for one of her best friends. Dana had been Bettes rock yesterday when Tina was MIA. And Dana was a little pissed that Tina was putting all the blame on Alice. Sure, Alice had written the article, but essentially, Tina had given the young reporter the words she needed. Dana closed her eyes and let the next words flow out of her mouth.

TinaBette is beautiful. Everyone is pawing at her right now and the only person shes even thinking about in all of this is you. And you wont even talk to her. Im not trying to lay blame here, but none of this wouldve happened if youd quit cowering in the closet. Youre the real reason why this happened and youre still thinking about you. When are you gonna think about Bette?, said Dana.

Tina was more than stung by Danas harsh words. She was even more stung because she knew they were partially true. I am thinking about Bette. I think about Bette all the time. Thats not fair, Dana.

None of this is fair, Tina. Sometimes, life just isnt fair. Please, just talk to Bette. Im worried about her., said Dana.

And you think Im not?, said Tina.

Dana took a deep breath. She hadnt called Tina to get into an argument about someone elses relationship. Look Tina, I dont want to fight with you. I just thought Id let you know what went down yesterday. Youre my friend. Im just trying to help.

Tina was quiet for a moment. I know Dana. Im doing the best I can right now. Ill talk to Bette.

Im sorry if you think Im butting in. And I know I probably am. But, I just had to say something., said Dana.

Its okay. Ive got a final at noon, so I need to get some studying done. Ive gotta go., said Tina.

Are we okay?, asked Dana.

Tina exhaled and realized that Dana really was her friend. She was only trying to help. Despite the angst she felt, Tina smiled a small smile and said, Yeah, Dane. Were okay.

Good. Call me if you need to talk. Ill see you later., said Dana.

I will. Ill talk to you later., said Tina.

They ended their call and Tina went in search of her cell phone. Dana had made a good point. She needed to talk to Bette. Tina had left her phone off all day on Wednesday and when she turned it on, she could see that she had messages. She left a quick message for Bette, telling her that she wanted to meet her at around 3:30 near the student center so they could talk. With this done, she checked her voicemail.

She heard the three messages Bette had left for her. No wonder she was so exhausted. She was worried about me all day. I should have called her. What the ***** am I doing? When we talk, what am I going to say? I dont have any answers. Ill just tell her what Im going through. She loves me. Shell understand., Tina told herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At 3:30 that afternoon, Bette was slowly pacing back and forth in the lobby of the student center. Tina spotted her immediately and Bette stopped pacing when their eyes locked.

Bette smiled weakly. Hey, T.

Hey.

Why did you want to meet here?, asked Bette. Shed been a little confused by Tina requesting such a public place to rendezvous.

II just wanted a change of pace. Can wecan we take a walk?, asked Tina. She had no idea what she wanted to say, but she needed some fresh air.

Bette was more nervous than shed ever been in her entire life. Uhyeah. Lets take a walk., she said. As they made their way outside Bette felt panic felt rising in her chest and watched Tina from the corner of her eye. Tinas cell phone had rung and she was checking the caller id. Noticing that it was Kara, she let her voice mail pick up and looked nervously into Bettes eyes. Bette smiled weakly and thought to herself, Why do we have to take a walk? Why are we out here? Why cant she just tell me that she loves me and that were going to just make this work?

They walked alongside a manmade pond, both afraid to speak. Instead, they studied the ducks swimming along the surface of the water and enjoyed the warmth of the suns spring-time rays as they walked on in silence. A few minutes passed and Bettes Type-A personality kicked in. She needed to know what was going with their relationship. Bette lived in a world of black and white, where gray did not exist and uncertainty did not thrive. She had to know where they stood.

Tina.what is it? What are you trying not to say?, asked Bette.

Tina took a deep breath. IIm just so mixed up right now, Bette. You know I love you, right?

Bette stopped walking and turned to face Tina. *****. Nothing good ever comes after You know I love you. Is she breaking up with me?, thought Bette.

Tina saw the fear in her girlfriends dark brown eyes and felt her heart begin to ache. She looked around to make sure they were alone and gently guided Bette closer to the waters edge. Bette sat down on the grass and pulled her legs to her chest, staring out at the water. Tinas phone vibrated against her, she saw that it was Kara again and sat down beside Bette.

What are you trying to tell me, Tina? Do you know what this is doing to me? Is it that you dont want to be with me anymore?, asked Bette, fighting back the tears that stood in her eyes.

No, Bette. Look at me., said Tina, searching out her lovers eyes. Thats never been our problem. Ive always wanted to be with you.

Then whats our problem, Tina? If you love me like you say you do, then whats the problem? Why are you doing this? Why cant you just tell me that you love me and hold me and we can go on about our day? Why all this extra drama, T? Whats changed?, asked Bette, the tears streaming down her face, her voice dripping with angst.

Tina was crying softly, her shoulders shaking. I love you so much. I do. I justI cant be what you need me to be.

Bette reached out and gently ran her hand along Tinas arm. She desperately wanted to reach out and pull her girlfriend into her arms and wipe away her tears but the tension between them wouldnt let her. Tina, what are you talking about? I dont want you to be anything other than you. All I need is you. Just as you are. I dont need you to be anything else.

Tina shook her head and looked down. No, Bette. Im ***** dying here. ImIm so happy to be with you but I cant share it like I want to because I dont want to risk my parents finding out about us. I cant keep walking around pretending not to be your girlfriend. We cant keep pretending that were just friends. Thats not fair to you, Bette. I feel like Im losing my mind here and ImIm so confused. Idont know what to do. How am I supposed to choose between you and them?

What choice? Tyou dont have to choose me or them. Im more than willing to wait until you feel more comfortable. I just need you in my life. You dont have to make this type of choice. Why are you doing this?, said Bette.

Bette, thisthis is too hard, Tina began, trying to speak over her emotions.

Bette turned around so that she and Tina were facing each other. She reached out, holding onto Tinas arms. Tinaplease dont say that. Please dont say this is too hard. What do you need me to do? Ill do anything, T. Just tell me. What am I doing wrong?, asked Bette, the desperation dancing in her eyes.

Bette, youre not doing anything wrong. Im just having a hard time dealing with everything. And thenthis article comes out and Dana tells me everyone is after you. What if someone else can give you what you need? What if youd be happier, Tina began.

TinaNo! Thats not how it is. Forget about the article. Im so sorry about that, T. Youve got to understand, you are the only thing I need. Just you. Please dont give up on us, T., said Bette.

Im not giving up, Bette. Im just confused. I just wanted you to understand where Im coming from. Im so, Tina started. She stopped speaking as her phone rang for the 3rd time during their talk. This was Karas third time calling and Tina thought maybe it was an emergency. She also needed a break from the intensity of this discussion. Tina couldnt deal with her own emotions, let alone the deep pain in her lovers dark brown eyes. And so, to the shock and dismay of her girlfriend, she answered the call.

She cleared her throat, Whats going on, Kara?

Tina, we need you right now! Davids computer crashed. We lost everything we have. We have to work on this right now. Were the first to present tomorrow., said Kara.

What? Are you serious? Thats like 18 hours worth of work!, said Tina.

Im dead serious. Everything is gone., said Kara.

*****. Where are you?, asked Tina.

Were in the student center, on the second floor, in of the rooms. From the looks of it well be here all ***** night., said Kara.

*****. Ill be there as soon as I can., said Tina, looking into Bettes angry eyes.

Tina ended her call and looked toward her girlfriend apologetically. Im sorry. Its an emergency. Our project, Tina started.

You know what? Just forget it. Im tired of doing all the work here, Tina., said Bette.

Tina sighed deeply. This was not going well. Is that what you really think?, asked Tina.

Bette wiped at the remainder of her tears. She wasnt sad anymore. She was pissed. What am I supposed to think? Tina, I feel like Im giving everything and you wont even take the time to return my phone calls. I was worried about you all day yesterday. And then what do you do? You come home late and dont even kiss me good night. You know how much I love you. Why are you doing this to me? I thought we were in this together, but its starting to feel like youre giving up. This isnt gonna work if Im the only one fighting for our relationship., said Bette, her voice raised and her cheeks flushed.

Now Tina was getting upset. Didnt Bette understand the emotional turmoil she was going through? This was not a one-sided situation. Tina was doing the best she could to deal with 19 years of internalized homophobia and fear, pass her classes, appease her parents, and love her girlfriend all at the same time. The stress of trying to do all things and be everything to everybody was wearing her down and destroying her sanity. Why couldnt Bette understand that?

Bette, Im not doing anything to you. Do you know how hard this is for me? Do you know how hard it is for me to be so in love with you and be so afraid of losing everything all at the same time?, asked Tina.

Im sorry Im so hard to love. Maybe you should go and find Eric. Maybe thatll make it easier on you., said Bette.

Dont go there with me, Bette. Thats not what I meant and you know it., said Tina.

How could I know it? I feel like this doesnt even matter to you. Like our relationship doesnt even matter to you. I mean, ***** Tina, were in the middle of a conversation and you answer the phone?, said Bette.

How can you think our relationship doesnt matter to me? How the ***** could you even say that? Im sorry I answered the phone. I had to pick up. Its an emergency, Bette., said Tina.

Tina, this is an emergency., said Bette, gesturing back and forth between her and Tina before folding her arms across her chest.

Tina threw up her hands in frustration. Bette, Im sorry. And Im even sorrier that I have to leave now and go work on this project.

Bettes eyes opened wide in surprise. You have got to be ***** kidding me. Youre going to leave things like this? We just started talking. Ive been waiting on you to talk to me for over 24 hours now and youre just gonna get up and leave?

Tina couldnt understand why Bette wasnt listening to her. Shed wanted to explain her fears to Bette and work through them together. But Bette only seemed to be concerned about how this situation was affecting her. They were both on the offensive, engaging in their first real fight since the fall.

You act like I wanted this to happen. What am I supposed to do?, said Tina

I dont know, T. Whatever you are supposed to do obviously doesnt involve me. Im the last one you seem to think about these days., said Bette.

Thats low, Bette. Thats really low., said Tina, standing up.

Oh, is it as low as my importance in your life?, said Bette, staring up angrily into Tinas eyes.

You know what, Bette? The only thing thats missing from your sob story is a little man playing a violin. Youre not the only one hurting here., said Tina.

Bette was quiet for a moment. She looked out at the water and asked the one question she really didnt want an answer to. Tina.are you breaking up with me or not?, she asked.

I was never breaking up with you, Bette! I just wanted to talk to you. We needed to talk., said Tina.

It sure feels like youre breaking up with me., said Bette. She looked up at Tina, her eyes dark with pain and frustration. This has been a wonderful talk. Thanks for sharing., she said, the sarcasm dripping from her words.

Tina sighed. The anger she felt collided with her heartbreak and the emotions seemed to cancel each other out, rendering her numb and drained. This is pointless. You know what? I think I am right. I obviously cant give you what you need. Im tired of walking around afraid youre going to realize it on your own. Maybe one of your new admirers can give you what I cant., said Tina.

Bette was exasperated. She felt like she was the only one trying to save their relationship. Didnt Tina care about Bette and Tina as much as she did? She closed her eyes tightly and held her head in her hands. How had this discussion gone so terribly wrong? Bette tried to calm down and find the right words to say to get them back on track. Tina.dont start with that again. We love each other. We can work this out. When you get out of your meeting, we can go and talk. I promise. Ill help you figure everything out. Well go as slow as you need to take it. Just dont give up. Okay?

When Tina didnt respond, Bette looked up and was surprised to find that Tina was no longer standing beside her. T?, she asked, whipping her head around in search of her girlfriend. Tina was no where to be found.

‘How the ***** did she move away and I didnt even hear her? What the ***** are we doing to each other? What am I going to do if this really is it?’, thought Bette, a new layer of depression settling in around her. She slowly stood up and dusted herself off. As she walked back toward the student center her dark thoughts brought on another wave of tears and she walked across the grass and sat down on a bench that looked out at the pond, her back facing the center.

Shed been sitting there for a while, her mind sorting through the maze of her thoughts when a soft voice appeared at her side and asked, Hey pretty lady. Why so sad?

Bette recognized the timber of the voice and smiled slightly, looking up into Sidneys soft blue eyes. Hey Sid, she said, her voice small and weak.

Sidney smiled. So, is it true? Are you UCLAs most eligible bisexual woman?

Bette shrugged her shoulders and looked out at the water. At this point, I just may be.

Mind if I sit down?, asked Sidney

Bette shook her head and Sidney sat down beside her. Whats going on with you? Why are you so upset?, asked Sidney.

Bette could tell that her ex-girlfriends concern was genuine. There was a part of her that missed Sidneys presence in her life. They had been good friends before everything had gone so terribly wrong. Tina and I.everything is just so fucked up right now., said Bette.

Is this about the article?, asked Sidney.

Something like that., said Bette.

They were quiet for a moment. Both watching the ducks swim back and forth sending out small ripples across the water as they went. Sidney broke their silence.

BetteI never thought Id say this, but I will. You know, Tina really loves you., she said.

Bette looked over at her ex before looking back out at the ducks. Thats just about the last thing I would expect you to ever say to me.

Sidney chuckled lightly. Yeah. I know. But Ive gotta tell you. When we broke up, the only thing that kept me going was knowing that you and I didnt really belong together. Its the only way I could make peace with it.

What do you mean?, asked Bette.

I know you remember the day we were talking and she came in and held you when you were upset., said Sidney. Bette nodded in response.

Well, it was so obvious that she was exactly what you needed. Its hard to explain but its like she knew you needed her. I was sitting right across from you and I couldnt do anything for you. She appeared out of nowhere and just held onto you so tight. She really loves you, Bette., said Sidney.

I know shes what I need. But I dont think Im what she needs. I think shes going to break up with me, Sid. I feel like she already did., said Bette.

Why arent you fighting for her, Bette? Why are you sitting here, licking your wounds?, asked Sidney.

Sid, Ive been fighting. A relationship takes two people. It doesnt work if only one person wants it., said Bette.

I know. Ive been there., said Sidney.

Bette understood the connection between Sidneys statement and their troubled past. I guess you do., said Bette.

Bette, you and Tina arent me and you. I actually think Ive gotten over you, Bette Porter. But I still care about you. And I think you will live to regret it if you let Tina walk out of your life., said Sidney.

Bettes tears slid down her cheeks and she looked over at Sidney, their eyes meeting. Im just so tired, Sidney. Everything is falling apart. Everything. I feel like Ive got nothing left. Then Ive got this dance marathon tomorrow. Im a ***** mess right now.

Sidney reached for Bettes hand and squeezed it tightly. I know its rough. But the Bette Porter I know can do anything she puts her mind to.

I dont really feel like that Bette Porter right now. I dont feel like I can do anything at this point.

Trust me. Ive seen you in action. You are definitely a fighter, Ms. Porter. Dont give up just yet., said Sidney.

I dont even know what to say to her anymore., said Bette.

Youre too hard on yourself. Just take some time and get yourself together. You are a beautiful woman, Bette. But you look exhausted. And youre crying in public. This isnt like you. Get some rest and relax. Im sure youll figure it out once you get some sleep., said Sidney.

Bette nodded. Youre right. I am exhausted. Sidney, how is it were sitting here like this? All calm and civil. When did we grow up?, she asked.

Sidney smiled. I dont know, but Im glad we did.

Bette returned the smile and wiped at her tears. Me too.

Sidney stood up. Okay, pretty lady. Lets get you home. Im headed that way anyway.

Bette stood up and she and her ex-girlfriend started walking back towards the dorms. Thanks, Sidney. And stick close to me. Maybe youll keep my admirers away.

Dont worry. Ill protect you from all the crazies. That Alice is something else., said Sidney.

Isnt she? You know that article was full of lies., said Bette.

I know. The minute I read the word bisexual in reference to One Ms. Bette Porter, I knew it had to be a horrible, horrible lie., said Sidney.

They laughed together as friends and continued their journey towards the dorms, unaware that theyd had been under the watchful eye of a voyeur on the second floor of the student center.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Talking with Bette had left Tina feeling even more angry and confused than shed felt before. Shed felt a little bad about running away from Bette, but she had to get out of there. As she and Bette continued to verbally claw at each other, Tina was becoming more and more upset. Shed felt like she was suffocating. And so, as Bette closed her eyes and bowed her head, Tina had walked away, feeling the need to escape the torture that was her current reality.

The study room David and Kara had found had windows that faced the pond. Shed been watching the pathway near the student center anyway, waiting to catch a glimpse of her girlfriend. Shed seen her approach and take a seat on the bench. Tina had known by the tremble in her girlfriends shoulders that she was upset. Tinas chest had been filled with sadness, but she felt powerless in this situation. She looked on, trying to occasionally cast a glance toward her group members, as Kara and David worked on editing a piece of their film.

When she saw Sidney approach HER Bette, she was met with another wave of sadness. It wasnt that she was threatened by Sidney. She knew that she owned Bettes heart. She knew that there was no one else for Bette Porter. But that was the whole point. She knew that Bette needed her, that her girlfriend was aching for her and the guilt she felt at being unable to soothe that ache, was what saddened her. As she watched Bette being consoled by someone elses gentle touch and comforting words, Tina couldnt stop the thoughts that entered her mind. I dont know how to live without her in my life. But Im not ready to be what she really wants me to be. Maybe someone else can give her what she wants. Maybe Bette was right. Maybe its time to put her first. Becausemaybemaybe Im really not what she needs..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bette followed Sidneys advice and went home to get some rest. She took a long, hot shower and lathered her weary body in scented lotion before dressing in a new pair of sweats. She called Dana and Emily, making some last minute arrangements for tomorrows event, and then took a deep breath and called Tina.

Tina answered on the 3rd ring. Hi., said Tina.

Hey, T. Look, Im sorry for what I said. I knowI know you have work to do. Im just.Im so lost without you. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I look forward to talking with you.whenever you want. Okay?, said Bette.

Oh, Bette. Thank you. Thank you for calling me. Im sorry I leftI just felt like I couldnt breathe anymore. , said Tina.

Its okay, T. So, when do you think youll be home?, asked Bette.

Tina sighed. Not any time soon. We might be up all night. Our project was kind of destroyed. We lost a couple weeks worth of work. And this professor does not believe in excuses, so were screwed. We have to present at 9am tomorrow morning. So, its going to be rough night., said Tina.

*****, T. Im sorry. Do you need anything? Can I bring you anything?, asked Bette.

No. Thanks though. Listen, I think I need to get back. Theyll come looking for me if I dont., said Tina.

Okay, T. I love you. Ill talk to you later., said Bette.

Okay, Bette. Ill talk to you later. Bye.

Bye., said Bette.

Bette stared at the phone in her hands for a few seconds before lying down on her bed, cradling the phone to her as the tears slipped quietly from her eyes and onto her pillow. Exhaustion tugged at her eyelids as she settled in for an evening nap. Her last thoughts before slipping off to sleep were, She didnt tell me that she loved me. Why didnt she tell me that she loved me?

TBC (To Be Continued)