Im trying. I am really trying to fight this. But its hard. I dont think anyone, other than those who are going through the same thing can really comprehend just how incredibly difficult this is. But Im trying. At this moment in time that is all I can do, try. I want to beat this. I want to be clean. I want my life back. So Im still here taking it one day at a time. Thats all I can do right now, live one day at a time. One step at a time.

Oh and I forgot to mention. Im scared. Im scared to death, because now Ive got to face every day, face everyone, naked, without the mask and without the monster. Its just me. Tina Kennard. Laid bare. The woman behind the mask. The real me. And Its hard.

Did I tell you Im having a visitor today? Well I am. Im finally allowed to have someone come visit me. They think Im ready. They say it will be good for me. Lets  hope they are right. I have my doubts.

I love walking by the ocean. Barefoot. The sand between my toes, the water lapping at my ankles. The way the air smells, and the refreshing feeling you get when you inhale it all in to your lungs. Mother natures, high. How ironic.

Hi T

I never heard her approach me, she made me jump, I splashed her pants with water when I suddenly turned around, she was soaked.

I cant begin to tell you how good it felt just to see her face.

Hi. I pointed to her pants. Sorry about that.

Its okay T. Theyll dry. She even smiled when she said it, I couldnt believe it. We all know what Bettes like with he clothes right? Shall we walk T?

Sure.

We walked along the waters edge, neither one of us spoke. I think we both didnt really know where to start. Either that, or we were both terrified to open our mouths and say the wrong thing. I know I was.

Bette was the one who broke the silence.

You look good T.