I smiled at this, I looked like ***** and she knew it.

Liar. I said. I look like *****.

She just smiled right back at me.

She reached her arm out and took hold of my hand, lacing her fingers in mine. It felt nice. I needed her to do that.

We walked for a little while before she spoke again.

How are you Tina?

Ive been better. But Im getting there, Bette. Im taking each day as it comes, its not easy but Im trying.

Im glad your trying T.

Thats all I can offer right now Bette.

I know, I know.

She wasnt judging me, I was happy, because I didnt need that, I just needed her support, and I hoped she could offer me that at least, if nothing else.

It looks a really nice place here T.

Yeah. It is. Its great. Under the circumstances Id rather not be here, but other than that it is a really nice place. Im lucky I can afford to be somewhere so nice.

I guess you are.

I know I am. I wanted to say Ive seen what its like on a psych ward, remember Ive been there, but I didnt want to get in to anything too heavy. I just wanted to enjoy her company again.

I could tell she wanted to ask me something, I could see it in her eyes. I think she was afraid.

Do you want to sit for a bit T?

Here it comes.

Yeah, we can sit, if you want?

Is here okay?

She sat down with her back resting against a large rock.

Heres fine. I said. I started to lower myself at the side of her, to sit down.

T. Sit in front of me. Let me hold you.

Okay.

Thats if you want me to? She said.

I want you to. I said. I wanted her to more than anything. I wanted to feel her arms around me. I needed to feel her arms around me.

I leant my head on her shoulder and melted into her body. God it felt so good. I felt so safe with her arms wrapped around me.

She lowered her head so her face was resting on the side of mine. I could feel her breath and her tears sliding down her cheek.

You scared me T. She whispered.

Im sorry. I didnt know what else to say.

Is it my fault, did I drive you to this?

No, its not your fault Bette. Dont ever think that.

But if Id have just stayed with you that night maybe

Bette Ive been doing this for four years, it was bound to take over me sometime, it just so happened to get a tighter grip when you came back in my life thats all, it really isnt your fault. Please dont blame yourself. If anyone is to blame its me, for being stupid enough to take the stuff in the first place.

I was finally beginning to take acceptance for my actions. This could only be a good thing, right?

Why didnt you come to me for help T, why didnt you tell me?

Because I didnt even realise I had a problem Bette, how could I come to you, when I didnt know myself?

Will you let me help you now Tina?

If you want to help me through this Bette, then Im more than willing to let you help me. I need all the help I can get to beat this.

What do you want me to do T?

I turned round in her arms and looked straight in her eyes as I cupped her face with my hands.

I want you to love me Bette. Do you think you could do that?

I expected to see some hesitancy in her eyes or at least hear it in her voice but to my surprise there was none.

I dont think I can do that T.

(To Be Continued . . . J)