And just as life was becoming not so bad for Angie the ***** hit the fan once again. it really wasn’t fair. Angelica was only just getting used to being away from her parents…one who with whom cancer was ravaging and one who loved too much felt too much, only just getting used to living with Kit who instilled in her a strange drive to pour herself on paper, only just forgetting about Shad who invariably came to mind whenever she was naked changing, and only just not feeling nervous when anyone who remotely looked like Benson walked by. Daily phonecalls from Bette informed her of Tina’s progress to recovery and now she was undergoing rehabilitation, the surgery was so drastic the body took longer to recover than expected…and the doctors were anxious to begin chemo. Of course Angelica didn’t know this all she knew was that tina was able to say a few words to her…telling Angel to be a good girl, that she was sorry, to be polite to Kit, and concentrate on getting into school. The easy part was becoming smarter, Kit saw to that…the hard part was getting into a school. Kit decided to put away some money and start saving for a private tutor. But a last minute application to an alternative program looked promising and Angelica could be in school in just a few days. She could not contniue teaching Angelica herself for all eternity, there were propbably stuff being missed etc, stuff  that Angie would have to tak on her GED in five or four years. The only thing that was a black cloud hanging over the improvement that was Angelica was her self-involved arrogance and sense of immortality. She was stupid enough for a just a little part of her to feel cool about not being a virgin. It was like a badge of honour even though she had her share of vomiting the baggage that came with it. And life just had to throw a curveball that hit where she was weakest. 

 Angelica had earned Kit’s trust enough to go out alone for one hour by herself. she spent it exploring all the different stores in New York. But she spent it mostly writing poetry in coffee shops, so romantic it felt like…pouring her soul in an old cafe where recitings occured nightly. Angelica was getting pretty good at it actually. And Kit challenged her to recite during poetry night at one of her cafe’s in the next few days. Angie agreed and was now finishing the touches on a couple of them. She had her old handbag with her, a silk  black shiny one that had held things she stole at malls, joints, and money. Even though angelica had been trying really hard and pretty much succeeding in being a good girl for her parents, thats was just it. It was for her parents. Angelica certainly was scared of what would happen if she crossed Kit but being good really wasn’t for herself it was for Bette…and Tina. hearing the approval in Bette’s voice after telling her how she helped Kit out was her nourishment. Now the dangerous thing about this was just that, a teenager…a self-centered and spoiled one at that…doing something solely for others and not themselves. Because in moments of weakness  when something calls to them and none is there, certainly not the peple whom they do things for, they crumble. Because they have not strengthened themselves, have not instilled in themself an integrity that says “no”, thats says “no” without another’s reward praise or warning. And all this stability that had been set up around Angelica  was not strong when it came to her self, her resolve and not her parents. To be perfectly frank Angelica was weak. She was in the end a thirteen year old girl whose mother was very sick  from cancer, another mom unable to care properly for her, her violation of her own body, and a taste for pot which had the effect of taking all these feelings away. In her silk bag was a couple of bright coloured pills Shad had given her but she hadnt tried them. Angelica had heard of E but had not tried it before. And the curtain of stupidity fell…Angie figured she could write a crazy far-out poem if she was trippin on E and so popped it in her mouth. If Angelica had actually paid attention in class before she would never had popped in that mouth, cuz the teachers listed all the bad stuff. All Angie remembered was Shad telling her that it gave energy and greatness…in a state of poetry-induced “creativity” state of mind Angie went back to writing.