Bette stands at the check-out of a grocery. While waiting for the Indian ladies ahead of her to go through with the riual of paying for this paying for that Bette thinks. She had bought several loaves of squirrel bread, brown bread. She bought grapes, lettuce, butter, orange juice, a cheesecake, bagels, frozen hamburger meat, milk, apples, tomatoes, some spices, crackers, a chocolate bar, a pineapple, and a glossy trashy gossipy magazine. Everything Tina shopped for. Bette thought about her morning. Getting up groggy with the sun peeking through her window waking her up. She always, even now, slept on her side of the bed. It feels creepy to slide over and sleep on Tina’s. Like she was sleeping on a ghost. Bette had woken up and showered, alone, brushing her teeth looking into the mirror, alone. She made breakfast….barely acceptable pancakes, alone…served them to Angelica who despite being warm to Bette is distant in her own way. Friends didn’t matter to her that morning, what she wanted was Tina back. That was what she wanted. This was *****. Living like this was *****. There was nobody to laugh with, secretly, about things only her and Tina knew. Nobody to touch and caress and make love to. Bette often lay in her bed and looked up at the ceiling….looking at the paint that Tina wanted to re-do. Sometimes when Angelica was out on the weekends Bette hardly bothered to prepare anything, she ate standing by the fridge…ignoring phonecalls..unhooking the line. Still in her night clothes wondering about the point in dressing. It was unsettling, for the first few weeks she was fine. Bette was convinced that she could move on…but now. now she was realizing the full extent of what the reality was. She hadn’t been alone since all those years ago when her and Tina broke up briefly. Now Bette cursed herself for even thinking about that now. Canadace made her sick. But no use dwelling on that. Bette just wanted Tina back. That’s all she wanted. She wanted to have the woman whom sh epledged her life to be back. This is what Bette thought while waiting in the check-out line.

 Then she briefly went mad. One couldn’t know by looking at her. It was in her head. Bette was driving home when she turned off into the highway adn drove drove drove. Feelings of loneliness were being taken over by anger. She drove until she came to the field, and getting out of her car….letting the cheesecake melt letting the food go warm she walked through stiff grass. The stems scratched her legs but Bette didnt give a ***** about that. Eventually Tina’s Last Spot came to view, the flowers looked even more beautiful in the twilight evening. Stars were peeking out of the darkening blue sky. Bette felt like a speck in the ocean. However she didn’t feel calm. Bette bent over and picked up a little stone. With all her might she threw it at the flowers….”GODDAMN YOU TINA!!!!!  WHY!? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE NOW? IM ALL ALONE I FEEL SO ALONE DAMN YOU DAMN YOU!!” Bette bent over and grabbed a handful of dirt throwing it more weakly this time and whispering her anger….”i miss you i miss how am i going to go on how am i going to grow old without you!!?? you prmised we would grow into old women together you promised!!” Bette stopped, feeling winded…she wasnt so young now. The crickets started to crick and Bette listened to the sound of them, a choir singing..welcoming the coming dark. The wild flowers were on the edge of a forest and already inside it was dark ganrly and deep. Bette looked at it nervously. She wiped tears from her eyes…then sat down in the dirt. How could Tina leave how could she? Her life felt almost empty…….eventually an owl hoot brought Bette back to her senses. She stands up wandering what happened, she wipes the dust off of her and looks at the wild flowers. Then walking back over the field to the vehicle she gets in adn drives away, noting to stop by a gas station and fill up.