Angelica Maria Porter is very adept at hiding her feelings. It is something she had learned from Bette, not Tina. Throughout her entire life she had seen only a few sides of her mommy, Bette had always been her buddy so an amiable side of course she knew. Angie also knew a scary simmering angry side but only when outside forces threatened. And she knew the happy side, when Bette would get that bright wide toothy dog-happy grin on her face. But she had never knew deeper than that, and frankly Angelica didn’t want to know deeper than that, she was content to know that Bette was her mommy, and would take car and love her..and that’s it. So witnessing the wide range of emotions since Tina’s death disturbed her, disturbed her in a way that Angelica felt alienated from Bette. She didn’t like how sometimes Bette went completely silent and Angie had no idea what to say or do, she would just sit there and fiddle with sometihng. Bette wouldn’t notice, she would just clamp her mouth shut and get a faraway look in her eyes. Angelica was also disturbed by the quickness of Bette’s temper, she would snap at her daughter for no good reason and a second later cool off and want to get along. Angelica really didn’t like it, she didn’t like the weird unfamiliarity of her parent feeling these things so outwardly, she was never confronted with it before and really didn’t know what to do. So she immersed herself in painting classes, counting the days till the start of school. Trying to get her emotions out on colour so she would not go looking for comfort in the wrong places, like before.

 And as for mom. Tina….Angie knew exactly what to think about that. She was devastated, absolutely and utterly devastated. Even though Bette was her mommy, Angelica felt like somehow an orphan. She would never know her “father”, and now her only blood family, only blood mom was gone. It felt like a detachment, like her arm was cruelly cut burned and the ashes spread. So that part of her was gone, Angie was too young to know memories were prescious and forever…all she knew at the moment was that she felt alone. Her aunts all left town, all of them were hurt in their own way. Some deeply, like staying in LA was too  much. Angelica felt abandoned by them. She felt emotionally abandoned by Bette. It was a horrible feeling. And the sadness, Angelica cried every night, punching the pillow cursing Tina for leaving…..why did she have to leave? How could she, when she possibly knew it was the end hug Angie goodbye without telling her. It was a painful and personal memory, something Angelicla would never ever tell anyone her entire life. It was the only thing she really felt belonged to her. She felt an emptiness where Tina’s love filled the void, even though they didn’t get along sometimes, Angie loved Tina so much it hurt. She now wished she said that more.  Losing a parent is hard for children but harder for teenagers, they feel so much…everything hurtful feels like a dart to the chest. And Angie was feeling the poison.