My dearest Alice,

                               Its been 10 years from our breakup and nearly the same since i’ve seen you. When you told me all those years ago that you needed to get away because seeing me and Lara together was too hard, I understood. If i’d have known then that when you left i wouldn’t see you again or even hear from you, i wouldn’t have let you go. For the past 10 years you have consumed my every thought. Remembering how you look, how you smell and how you laugh. Even when i would do something silly i would think “What would Alice say to that.”.

Its true what they say. You never know what you’ve got until its gone.

In you i had my soulmate, my life and my reason for getting up in the morning. I took what we had for granted, thinking you would always be here for me. I got scared of the new part of you i was seeing. Insecure, clingy and needy are not words I would ever have associated with you, my Alice. You know me, im not good at expressing my emotions and i say things wrong. You didnt scare me, but i gave that impression and i will be forever sorry for that. The truth is, i didnt know how to deal with it. How to tell you that i loved you so much i thought my heart would break. My mouth wouldn’t let the words come out after that first night i told you. So with that your insecurities grew and i done the only thing i knew to do. I ignored the fact and hoped it would go away. When i suggested we have a break, I swear that was all i wanted. You thought different and you slipped away even more. To know that you were hurting like i was tore me apart. My heart became heavy and just thinking of you put a lump in my throat. So somehow i managed to slip back into my relationship with Lara. It helped take away the pain, for a little while at least.

The day you told me you were moving away was the worst day of my life. I went home and cried about how unfair this was. That day i really did feel my heart break in two. I knew i’d lost you and in that day the light within me went out. You wouldnt tell me where you were going or let the girls tell me. I tried to understand why, but i couldnt. I feel so connected to you, that not knowing where you were and never talking to you again made me feel empty. You filled up my life, you made me whole from the moment we met and then it was gone. My relationship with Lara died out soon after. It wasnt fair on either of us. I have always only wanted you in my life. Lara helped fill a little of the emptiness you left, but it was never enough. I could never love her like i love you.

So 10 long years have past. I ask the girls how you are everytime they go and see you. I get replies of “she fine” “great”. They dont go into the details of your life. Maybe they think it will hurt if i know how happy you are and that you’ve moved on. God knows Alice, i’ve tried to move on but i cant. My love for you now  still shines like it did back then. My heart still speaks your name and you still take up every thought i possess. So today when leaving the planet, I saw a familiar blonde walk down the opposite side of the street, my heart stopped. I tried to tell myself it couldn’t be you, but i knew it was. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I wanted to run to you but i was frozen to the spot. 10 long years i’ve waited for the chance to see the love of my life again and explain how i let this happen. That is why i wanted to write this letter. I need you to know that i am so sorry for the pain i caused you. You are my soul mate, the person i am meant to be with. I love you with every part of my body and with every breath i take. If you know nothing else know that. I will understand if you dont want to see me, but just read this letter and listen to what i have to say to you.

                    Forever yours, Dana.*****