I knew that in coming back here I would run the risk of running into you. For 10 years I’ve avoided this place because the hurt and pain is still as raw now as it was then. I got your letter from Shane and im finding it hard to tell you what I feel. 10 years ago I knew the only way to get over you was to leave. Well that’s how it was supposed to be. Seeing you with Lara was like someone was stabbing me through the heart . Each time I thought “next time it will easier”. It never was in fact it got worse. It reminded me that she could make you smile and be happy when I couldn’t. All I ever wanted was to make you to be happy but I just couldn’t do it. I made you unhappy and you wanted to get away from me.

When you said insecure, clingy and needy were not things you’d associate with me, did you think I did?. Dana the fact that I was becoming the one thing that I hate most in the world scared the ***** out of me. You had the ability to bring out the very best, but also the very worst in me. Every insecurity I ever had within me came rushing to the surface every time you were near me. I would tell you I loved you and got nothing in return, except for that one night. Its not that every time I said it, I wanted you to say it back. I just wanted to feel that you loved me, but I never did. You couldn’t tell me or show me and when you flirted with Lara right in front of me I knew I’d lost you. I couldn’t live the rest of my life feeling jealous and insecure, even if that meant living without you. I decided so many times to leave but kept talking myself out of it by saying I’d get over it. I never did even now.

So I decided to leave and telling you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. You sat before me looking so lost and hurt and I knew as soon as you left you would go home and cry. It hurt even more to know you were hurting too. So I went home and cried, my heart breaking with each tear. I couldn’t keep doing that to you so I decided to cut contact and save you from anymore pain.