Its Alice here, as if you didn’t know. Anyway so im writing this letter for a few reasons. Firstly to see how you are? I know its only been just over a week from I left, but im missing you like mad. There’s only so much time a girl can be parted from her best buddy. Secondly I really need your advice about Dana. You know the situation yet your not as involved as the others here are. If I go to them I know they’ll tell me we should get back together without even properly looking at the facts. I cant blame them for that, that’s how they think its supposed to be and they’d do anything to get our family back. In a way that makes it harder because if I don’t get back together with her I’ll be the one keeping are little family apart. I know they wonder why I couldn’t stay friends with Dana like I did Bette but I never loved Bette. I loved Dana so absolutely and completely and here in lies my problem.

I don’t like how I became when I was with Dana, so clingy and obsessive. Do you have any idea how that feels?. It was like I was in no control of my body or actions. My head was saying “Alice what the ***** are you doing. Stop acting like such a freak.” But my heart and body just wouldn’t comply. I was so insecure when I was with her, because I couldn’t see or feel that she was in love with me. I mean yes she told me, but only once. God she told me she LIKED being with me, after I might add she had been on a date with Lara. When she said that I felt like someone had took the wind from me. It gave my insecurities good reason to be there. I couldn’t trust that she loved or wanted me. I wanted so badly to feel that she loved me, but I couldn’t. My clinginess and insecurities were telling me to make her love and want you. So to do that I smothered her, told her constantly how I felt to gain just a little affection. I knew it was wrong but when you love someone as much as I loved and still love Dana, right and wrong doesn’t come into the equation. My whole life and reason for being was because of her. She was part of me, making me a whole and not a half. If it was simply about love, believe me I would have gone back to her as soon as she asked, but its not. The fact is and always will be when im with Dana I loose myself. I become someone I cant stand, never mind like. I don’t want that person to come back because I got rid of her a long time ago.