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What is love? – Chapter 16
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Bette
Bette was beyond frustration as she drove home. For the first time, she hadn’t slept well at the beach. The second night she had gotten up and sat on the porch, watching the surf break on the sand, illuminated by the moonlight.
To add to her annoyance two quotations kept running through her head:
to thine own self be true.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.
The first was from Shakespeare and the second, she thought, was the Bible. And the second was chiseled on the facades of many college buildings. You could hardly escape the quote. But college hadn’t taught her the truth she was looking for or how to find it.
There was something else about the first quote–the way it finished. Something about if you were true to yourself, you would be true to others. Bette genuinely wanted to be true to Tina, but still did not know what her “own self” was. She would have to look up the quote when she got home.
Try as she might, she couldn’t shake these quotations from her head. It was like hearing a piece of music and then humming it over and over even though you didn’t want to.
She thought they contained good advice, but there were problems. It was a great idea, for example, to be true to yourself, but what was “yourself?” Bette thought that was one of her problems, not knowing. That’s why she had gone to the ocean. And she wasn’t sure if she could win Tina back if she didn’t know.
The second quote annoyed her, too. She didn’t know what the truth was. And unless you knew this, she supposed, you couldn’t be free. She had spent a weekend on the beach just trying to determine the truth and she knew she hadn’t.
Bette was so frustrated. She didn’t have an answer, the answer. She only had a partial answer.
So even though Bette returned from the beach determined to win Tina back, she still wasn’t completely certain about what she felt. She didn’t think she was in love with Tina but she was pretty sure she loved her. She wanted Tina and thought it would be honest to say she loved her, but was it? When she said that she loved Tina, did it mean that she was ‘in love’ with her? She had thought about this before, but was no closer to the answer than the first time.
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what the hell was that?? I’VE DECIDED??
c’mon! it’s like if she’d wanted, she’d hate her. jesus, bette!! couldn’t u just say I LOVE YOU? without the “i’ve decided”?
great posting.. let’s see next chapter..can’t wait!
i think its time for tina to meet other
people and then bette will realize how much she loves tina. bette is scared to fall in love because tina is staight and young, i dont think bette can handle it if they get together and
tina realizes this is not what she wants.
If someone said that to me, I would walk away. I decided that I love you. Lets send her to how to say I;m in love with you school. she is a lot dense. Thanks
A great chapter as always… your story is so good.
Well, it seems Bette needs to think more about what she wants. Does Bette want Tina only for the sex ? Bette knows very well she can find a woman for each night, if she wants. So, the question will be : why I want Tina at home, wake up every morning with her and finally live with her ?
It’s not always easy to know what we feel. I only hope for Bette it won’t be too late if she thinks she’s in love with Tina because even if Tina loves her, Tina will not wait her some months. After all, Tina can thinks Bette is not the love of her life if Bette isn’t able to really love her.
I hope to read your next chapter soon. Thank you
Tina’s right to stand up for herself, although maybe she should cut Bette some slack. Bette obviously doesn’t know how to do relationships, so she just needs some time. But good story…actually quite realistic!
Bette got owned again… damn.
I thought her to be more articulate, even if she couldnt believe in herself right now, at least I thought she had the power to persuade people to her biddings. But that Tina Kennard is one tough cookie…
Pancha this is not what I consider renewed resolve to win back Tina at the most its what I call stalling both by Bette and you. Your lucky this is fanfic cause I am cracking up with the I love her but am I in love with her plot in this story. I for the life of me can’t seem to figure out the difference in this equation.
” I guess I wonder why you’ve been afraid to admit it.”
Woe is me. I thought I was being clever: Bette=TG.
The fault, dear Pancha, is not in your story,
But in myself, that I am a frivolous being.
Love is scary, but I hope Bette finds the courgae. I would rather love, than not love at all.
Bad choice of verbage Bette. Bette needs to turn to Carolyn and Kit for advice here. Eventhough Carolyn doesn’t really get Bett’s lifestyle, she has always her to settle down with someone and was one of the first to realize that Tina was it for Bette. Maybe after talking to these two, she will come to her senses before something happens and she loses Tina for good. It shouldn’t take something tragic to happen to shake Bette to her core and wake her up.
Man this is sad, Bette really need help and find out her truly feeling for Tina! Ok let see what’s next, thanks!
wow…Bette better get her act together…Tina is right to not settle for anything less though
I think Bette know the answer quite well in her heart. She’s just afraid/willing to admit it because she’s frightened to lose her freedom. She’s soooo Sagittarius, like me. =P
i’ve DECIDED to love you?!?!?? that’s so NOT the word to use!! dang…! great update,pancha. they always make me feel as if i have butterflies in my stomach…! LOL~ love your stories. can’t wait for the next one up!!!!!post soon!
I agree with Kabby I think Bette is in love with Tina, she just doesn’t know how to express it. More please.
OMG…how are you getting dumbass Bette out of this one. great chapter..can’t wait for the next
Bette I’ve decided that u need a smack up side the head. Great chapter as always.
“What is love”…imagine all the questions one ponders before arriving at this one…then imagine having never pondered those questions …and love finds you…this is where I see Bette and it makes her struggle more palpable…brilliantly titled work … what a brave soul you are to venture down such treacherous territory.
I think Bette will find her courage when she gets tired of sitting alone
good writing. I love this struggle that Bette is having. I love that you are portraying that some actually want to know for sure that they’re in love before they go shouting it from the rooftops!
I love this dense bette…thick as a plank!!!I give Tina credit for not walking out right after she said that she “decided”…hahaha..
I think that was the worst possible way to say I love you. No wonder Tina got up and left. I feel sad for Tina. I’m wondering how far you’ll take this…will Tina try to move on? I eagerly wait for new chapters. I loved all the jokes about the shell. Great chapter!
for a yalie, shes pretty damn dense. ive decided who the hell says that??? im proud of tina for calling it what is was, and not letting her off the hook. bette really needs some help here. where to find it???? keep it coming.
Tina is right but I think Bette is afraid and she needs to trust herself and let Tina in she really is in love with her but has never been before so doesn’t understand it.. the fact that she can’t be without her should tell how she feels..Great story please post soon.
the only thing to say is… Tina is right…Tina wants to Bete loves her as a partner not as a step.. cuz she is lonely or sad or missing company..she wants a relationship not a roommate..thanks for the update :o)