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What is love? – Chapter 16
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“Do you want something to drink?” asked Bette.
“No, thank you. I’ll have water,” Tina said, putting her napkin carefully on her lap.
Tina had already thought about alcohol at dinner and had decided against it. It would make her too vulnerable to Bette.
Bette was disappointed. She thought some wine might make Tina more agreeable to what she was going to say. It certainly would have given Bette more courage.
She wasn’t sure when she should start talking seriously. The appetizers seemed too soon, so she decided to wait until the main course. When the waiter served them and left, Bette thought it was time to act.
“T?” Bette started but stopped when Tina looked up with a frown. No use of sweet nicknames, Bette thought. This wasn’t good.
“Tina.” She glanced at Tina. The frown was gone, so that was good, and Bette decided to go ahead.
“Tina,” Bette said again and waited for Tina to look up. When she did, Bette said,
“I’ve decided that I love you. Please come back home.”
Tina’s expression changed and Bette tried to figure out what it meant.
—Was the look pleased? No.
—Was it angry? No, thank goodness.
—What was it?
Tina’s look was disappointment mingled with disbelief. She couldn’t believe that Bette had said this.
“You’ve decided that you love me?” Tina asked.
Bette couldn’t believe that she had been so clumsy. It had been easy to talk to the shell, but difficult with Tina looking at her, looking so beautiful and alluring. The wording was bad. The timing was off. The shell had been more understanding. She had felt more comfortable with the shell. Maybe she should have brought the shell with her, to touch for luck.
Tina looked so beautiful that Bette had to keep swallowing. She looked down at her plate, attempting to gather her wits. She needed to try again. What did Tina want to hear?
Tina started eating so she wouldn’t have to say anything else right away. She wondered what Bette really meant by her declaration: Bette “decided.” Tina couldn’t exactly put her finger on it, but she thought that Bette wasn’t quite being honest. Something didn’t ring true. Not lying, really. But not really telling the truth either.
The first time she had seen Bette, she had thought she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. From that moment on she had thought about nothing except being with her. And she still thought that.
But tonight she had been looking into Bette’s eyes as she was making her ‘I’ve decided I I love you’ declaration. Those eyes were incredibly beautiful, as always, but the spark of love was not there. Tina knew that Bette did not consider herself in love.
“Bette, I don’tbelieve you. I mean, I think you believe what you are saying is true, but I think you’re kidding yourself. Really, when we met, wasn’t ***** your greatest interest in me?”
“Well, but”
“Bette, I just don’t think that you’re in love with me. I think you really like the *****, and so do I, but it’s not enough.”
And so for the second time in recent weeks Tina had left and Bette was sitting alone.
=============================
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
………………………………………………Hamlet
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what the hell was that?? I’VE DECIDED??
c’mon! it’s like if she’d wanted, she’d hate her. jesus, bette!! couldn’t u just say I LOVE YOU? without the “i’ve decided”?
great posting.. let’s see next chapter..can’t wait!
i think its time for tina to meet other
people and then bette will realize how much she loves tina. bette is scared to fall in love because tina is staight and young, i dont think bette can handle it if they get together and
tina realizes this is not what she wants.
If someone said that to me, I would walk away. I decided that I love you. Lets send her to how to say I;m in love with you school. she is a lot dense. Thanks
A great chapter as always… your story is so good.
Well, it seems Bette needs to think more about what she wants. Does Bette want Tina only for the sex ? Bette knows very well she can find a woman for each night, if she wants. So, the question will be : why I want Tina at home, wake up every morning with her and finally live with her ?
It’s not always easy to know what we feel. I only hope for Bette it won’t be too late if she thinks she’s in love with Tina because even if Tina loves her, Tina will not wait her some months. After all, Tina can thinks Bette is not the love of her life if Bette isn’t able to really love her.
I hope to read your next chapter soon. Thank you
Tina’s right to stand up for herself, although maybe she should cut Bette some slack. Bette obviously doesn’t know how to do relationships, so she just needs some time. But good story…actually quite realistic!
Bette got owned again… damn.
I thought her to be more articulate, even if she couldnt believe in herself right now, at least I thought she had the power to persuade people to her biddings. But that Tina Kennard is one tough cookie…
Pancha this is not what I consider renewed resolve to win back Tina at the most its what I call stalling both by Bette and you. Your lucky this is fanfic cause I am cracking up with the I love her but am I in love with her plot in this story. I for the life of me can’t seem to figure out the difference in this equation.
” I guess I wonder why you’ve been afraid to admit it.”
Woe is me. I thought I was being clever: Bette=TG.
The fault, dear Pancha, is not in your story,
But in myself, that I am a frivolous being.
Love is scary, but I hope Bette finds the courgae. I would rather love, than not love at all.
Bad choice of verbage Bette. Bette needs to turn to Carolyn and Kit for advice here. Eventhough Carolyn doesn’t really get Bett’s lifestyle, she has always her to settle down with someone and was one of the first to realize that Tina was it for Bette. Maybe after talking to these two, she will come to her senses before something happens and she loses Tina for good. It shouldn’t take something tragic to happen to shake Bette to her core and wake her up.
Man this is sad, Bette really need help and find out her truly feeling for Tina! Ok let see what’s next, thanks!
wow…Bette better get her act together…Tina is right to not settle for anything less though
I think Bette know the answer quite well in her heart. She’s just afraid/willing to admit it because she’s frightened to lose her freedom. She’s soooo Sagittarius, like me. =P
i’ve DECIDED to love you?!?!?? that’s so NOT the word to use!! dang…! great update,pancha. they always make me feel as if i have butterflies in my stomach…! LOL~ love your stories. can’t wait for the next one up!!!!!post soon!
I agree with Kabby I think Bette is in love with Tina, she just doesn’t know how to express it. More please.
OMG…how are you getting dumbass Bette out of this one. great chapter..can’t wait for the next
Bette I’ve decided that u need a smack up side the head. Great chapter as always.
“What is love”…imagine all the questions one ponders before arriving at this one…then imagine having never pondered those questions …and love finds you…this is where I see Bette and it makes her struggle more palpable…brilliantly titled work … what a brave soul you are to venture down such treacherous territory.
I think Bette will find her courage when she gets tired of sitting alone
good writing. I love this struggle that Bette is having. I love that you are portraying that some actually want to know for sure that they’re in love before they go shouting it from the rooftops!
I love this dense bette…thick as a plank!!!I give Tina credit for not walking out right after she said that she “decided”…hahaha..
I think that was the worst possible way to say I love you. No wonder Tina got up and left. I feel sad for Tina. I’m wondering how far you’ll take this…will Tina try to move on? I eagerly wait for new chapters. I loved all the jokes about the shell. Great chapter!
for a yalie, shes pretty damn dense. ive decided who the hell says that??? im proud of tina for calling it what is was, and not letting her off the hook. bette really needs some help here. where to find it???? keep it coming.
Tina is right but I think Bette is afraid and she needs to trust herself and let Tina in she really is in love with her but has never been before so doesn’t understand it.. the fact that she can’t be without her should tell how she feels..Great story please post soon.
the only thing to say is… Tina is right…Tina wants to Bete loves her as a partner not as a step.. cuz she is lonely or sad or missing company..she wants a relationship not a roommate..thanks for the update :o)